Spend my natural prime, thinking money and time, wondering where they go, and they go

YET ANOTHER pitch for Roman Candle, who's album has SKYROCKETED to perhaps my top 5 of all time.  They're talkin' to me, I'm listening intently and reading what they have to say, just so much to skim off the top.  It's truly like having a conversation with a best friend I haven't seen in a while, as if they went on a trip and came back and shared all kinds of perspective with you, minus the ego, glitz and glamour.

 

In the matrix of time, circumstance makes me think about folks who are fixated on money, contrary to popular belief, it really isn't myself.  A story that makes me cringe when I think about it -- I know a man from rural Shiner who amassed 77,000USD in his lifetime, only to die with it, all the while the family lives in near poverty conditions.  While it's a conscious choice to devote too many eggs to one basket, its beneficial to see those who are standing on one leg.

 

The Renaissance approach is a pursuit of balance.  From this standpoint it makes sense to 'quit while you're ahead', so to speak.  I recall leaving Austin Texas one blistering hot summer afternoon, a change of destiny, lots of cultural experience in tow and a wallet that was flat broke and busted.  I recall the anxiety of living with that imbalance.

 

These days, I don't look a gift horse in the mouth, and the tides have switched, now what I lack in culture and aesthetic is made up monetarily.  I've seen exploitation at it's finest, and it renders VERY unfavorable results on friends, family, egos and souls.

 

The imbalance either way sucks, and I'm happy to have been beached on two shores on the path of self discovery thus far.  I've learned many lessons on the path.

 

Next things to bake in are spirituality, This pursuit will take 20 years to a lifetime, and excited to continue the journey, the soundbyte that makes sense to me the most thus far, there is a god, you are not him.

 

Having a family of one's own is the perplexing wonder of cloud computing to me.  It's inevitable, progress, great perspective, etc. -- It's very scary to me having to be responsible for someone else, but for those of you who are, again, I tip my hat, y'all are awesome.

 

 

 

 

round the world round the world is a tangled up necklace of pearls

The Woodface album was on rotation during my inclined run at the gym.  It's amazing the texture of a good love song, Neil Finn has it down better than most.  It's even got some pesky digs at us Americans.  Time on Earth proves to occupy the same themes, with a wonderful baby grand telling half the story.

 

Mark Twain (who's now haunting the Mighty Mississippi with Jeff Buckley) once said that history doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

 

I've been doin' this bloggin thing pretty heavy for years now which has included a mish mosh of thinly disguised idealistic and egotistical blather.  I've always explore concepts of love to the same end, going off in some complicated metaphor of self knowing and knowing what I want with an underlying tone and action of self sabotage.  It's perspiration, that's for sure, and I definitely and defiantly back myself in a corner with idealism, and I probably alienate those who care about me the most -- *thinking about my sisters here* -- They probably read some of this stuff and go, yea, don't know what to tell ya.

 

I've spent my entire professional life aggressively pursuing a desired end state, an end state in which the journey was never the end destination.  Today it occurs to me I've never really put myself in a position to succeed at intimacy.  I used to think before you loved anyone else you had to love yourself; this has been proven a fallacy due to the loving yourself has a selfish connotation, the kind that doesn't promote a unity of sorts.  The new thought, you never know love till you surrender to it, I know in the future that that check box needs to be checked before hitting purchase, no exceptions, little looking back.

 

End state in intimacy allows personal battles to be fought where they need to be fought.

 

Bar hopping and fraternizing seems to be the same as channel surfing with 57 channels and nothing on, so the cliche goes, it'll come when you least expect it, etc, etc, etc -- Something I've found to be a fallacy, if you want it, you have to pursue it, aggressively if need be, throw out the skip in the record, throw out the victim, throw out preconceived notions, and most of all throw out all excuses and execute.

 

Looking at my friends and family, great people who got it down, I always use y'all as an example, you have taken the fight to other areas in life, living and loving it in tandem.  To those of you who are there, I salute you, its a long hard road, but fulfilling and new, providing that foundation to build empire (if you so choose to).

 

Things will change when I'm back in the free world, I figure this out as I go, I like John and Paul's rhyme and I like their history, and I want my history to repeat itself.  I'm a sentimental guy and I'll get that back, but it's going to require me moving past the Revolver and Rubber Soul portion of my life and on to Sergeant Pepper, and infinite metaphor of a different variety. 

 

I go to all the parties, I never have a good time, It's like we're acting out a movie, Mystery and Crime

As of late The Joel Plaskett Emergency's album Truthfully Truthfully has been on heavy rotation.  One tune on the album reminds me of a going to the local 'Circle K' to play Gyrus, Gun Smoke and Choplifter on big arcade games as a kid.  Mystery and Crime's texture reminds me of bad hair days, and a simpler life when 4 quarters for 4 games was one of the highlights of the week.  O but boy do those harmonizing guitars sound great.

 

From a literary sense I've been, as the quote says 'biting off more than I can chew and chewing like hell.  Books on the hook currently --

-- The Audacity to Win -- A political strategy book I've waited for with intent.  Reinforces that all politics are local, and finding your people and reaching out to them is just as effective as gerrymandering.  Winners are winners, I'd say we can learn from em' all ..--.. if we choose to do so. 

-- The Cluetrain Manifesto -- Great book on the psychology of digital conversation, although a bit dated provides a SOLID foundation that, to me, reinforces, technology = slam dunk, the blank canvas that it creates for you to paint on, well, that's another story.  One thing I find first hand to be true, It is soooo hard to break out of the initial anxiety phase in delivering prose, thoughts and ideas that are represented of yourself.  Your friends, family, employers, etc, etc are your critics, which by natural inclination makes you want to throw up barriers, barriers that lock you in to a mindset that's not per se of your own, but what your interpretation is of what others (your target audience wants to hear) --- What you get is a flat / sedate depiction of who you are, what you want to be, and a piece that is potentially boring, irreverent.  To quote a bad Wendy's reference, to me, the book not only asks 'Where's the Beef?, but let's frame the question in a way we can talk about it ... Don't write it well and walled up, write it open ended.

-- Fool's Gold -- Shows how some 30 somethings'  at JP Morgan that are good at 'credit default swapping' can really throw the world a breaking ball, the world swings and misses, by two feet.  Think the computer geek that rounds the fraction of a cent into his bank account is a crime, multiply that by a million and that's what gets by with 'innovative financial products.'  Bulls and bears are fine, but invisible hands, that's something else, the maggots in the system.  Knowledge is power, and as an individual investor, being aware of the silliness that happens, especially in small cap growth stocks, makes me shake my head in disbelief. 

-- The Post American World -- Not the popular spatter of typical intelligentsia or critics of the current administration as one may think.  It of course suggests the pie still grows, but a greater percentage is rightsizing abroad.  It suggests that America has been successful beyond its wildest dreams in pushing an agenda of democracy and open markets to dark corners of the world, now it has to open up even moreso to the game its mastered and continues to promote.  The US has the economics to do great things, the politics of the matter is a unique challange.

-- The Perfect Portfolio -- Doing your homework these days is not enough.  Looking at balance sheets, sales, cash flow, EPS and all these snappy technical indicators and a couple bucks will get you a bag of chips and a headache.  Back to those invisible hands and the role they play in manipulating the market is what makes predicting the market just as impossible as predicting the weather.  It suggests diversifying around 9 asset classes instead of the typical 3, and have a 'target market portfolio' for the shifting for the trends of the world today.  My target market currently is the Chinese Agriculture plays, CGA, YONG, CAGC, I've been happy with it, early next year (Feb / March), my gut says the tech sector will lead a faux recovery... In the age of derivatives, a fake recovery is equal to a real recovery, perception is reality, you look behind the curtain, there's another curtain with another curtain... how deep do you want to go with it?

 

-- Thinking Outside the Grid --  Pure and simple, the new power grid will be the greatest wonder of mankind one day.  Meanwhile Boone Pickins sells Texas wind to China.

I think that you're forgetting the blood that you'll be letting Has a price on it no one knows

Dad served in the Army, Prince Rupert as a postman during WW2.  We didn't get to talk about his experiences and travels, I'm sure it was an interesting time.  I certainly miss that fella, I wish he was still here, we'd have a lot to talk about.

The ironic nature of life on many levels lands me on top of the Victory Over America / Victory Over Iran palaces at a mass flag flying ceremony, a mixture of emotion that's made me sick to my gut.

Many times I reference a U2 song 'Running to Stand Still,' and think about the underlying tones and implications of many things on many levels.  It again makes me think of the Jerry Macquire brief 'the things we think and do not say,' and suffice to say I'm happy to think I tell everyone I care about and everyone who is special in my life how I feel about them.  Life tends to create abstraction as a coping mechanism for the things we feel and the things we can or cannot say.

Running to stand still is a popular sentiment in pop culture today which suggests an Iphone laden clan textin', blackberry'in, facebooking or twittering no matter the environment, venue or surroundings.  It implies a transient nature of a generation that cannot be satisfied.  Standing Still to run is a better analogy for the life lived out here.  We're in a race in which the words are echoed, 'read, set, go' and you're still tied to the starting block. The crowd laps you, throws a 'Hi' out, only to be lapped several times.  Once you've been released from the starting point, the track already has a groove in it, and often times it's hard to find that groove.  Many times you're left to pick up the pieces of wreckage, often times it takes time to re-integrate, turning your groove into their groove and / or vice versa.

Both running to stand still and still to running have distinct advantages and disadvantages.  Out here I miss out on instant communication.  On the other hand, time has permitted me to tap into the wisdom of the ages, unadulterated and without distraction. A mixture of both combined with the compounded interest of attention span is what I want to achieve from my time here.  De facto vibrancy and incandescence hopefully will follow suit as a result of this experience.

Some days are better than others anywhere you go or wherever you are, and people get lonely regardless of physical locality. Today I write on an occasion where feelings are a wash, or something else that I can't describe, or wish I had the vocabulary to articulate.

My rambling prose for the day, all over the place, detached.

Ring the bells that still can ring, Forget your perfect offering, There is a crack in everything, That's how the light gets in

48 laws of power has been on my mind since a buddy of mine has been reading intently.  Ran through the list and picked out my favorites, or at least the one's I have put emphasis on as of late.

Edge of the World, a nice little piece by Josh Ritter is what I've been toiling over on the guitar to occupy my time.  It seems to capture the essence of the life of a Spanish conquistador out at sea discovering new territory.  Imagination is wonderful.

Speaking of sea faring individuals, Ragnar Danneskjöld of Atlas Shrugged comes to mind quite often.  Complicated and interpretative symbolism surrounds the man and his mission, I often apply this thought not to the government vs. market fundamentalism sentiments, but rather day to day musings of politics and posturing and the push pull effect b/w a leaders engagement vs the white noise of the pirate.  The key is to be able to distinguish when a crack needs to be patch, rebuilt or exploited.

I suppose circumstance dictates which postures and law's carry relevance at what time. 

-----------------------------------------------------
The Six Laws of Power that Stand out to me Currently
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-- Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker. Seem Dumber than your Mark --

Seems the be the role I am in more so than not, sitting back listening going, 'o, that's how that works, wow, really, tell me more,' even if i don't agree -- then apply the information for what your judgement says is a utilitarian purpose

-- Discover Each Man's Thumbscrew --

Like Sayid torturing Sawyer in Lost, everyone has that pressure point.  I recall one tennis match I had in high school playing the first seed in the tourney, I was warming up with this guy and thinking 'Holy Shit', I'm going to get WAXED.  He had it all, UNTIL I hit a few to his slice type Steffi Graf backhand.  48 or so consecutive backhands later I won that match 6-0, 6-1 to the dismay of his onlooking family.

-- Despise the Free Lunch --

Last job we had meat, candy, cake, cookies every month, the tables of food were plentiful.  Although it was a 'pay meal,' I didn't care for it much at all.  Warren Buffet after purchasing a company once busted up the cigar smoking high five fest and said, 'we have work to do, we'll party when we earn it' -- Great deviant minds have articulated to stay away from that water cooler talk of company politics, its full of undertones of fear, backstabbing, threats and disappointments.

-- Work on the Hearts and Minds of Others --

How's the family?  O! You were a star cricket player in high school?  You like pullups?  I LIKE pullups too!  Finding commonalities is always more fruitful than finding differences.

Building grassroots campaigns is where it's at, and the institutional enemies of this philosophy don't even know that a battle is at hand.  A terrible man once said 'A Single Spark Can Start a Prairie Fire,' and provided an example of how the poor will protect the wealthy.  The OPPOSITE of that is what is necessary, grassroots initiatives for the benefit of mankind.

-- Enter Action with Boldness

A wise man once said, and I paraphrase a paraphrase, 'You can either kill it or leave it alone,' I'd say a lot of people (management) go around kicking people in the junk, yea, it hurts and the recipient is hunched over for a while, but when he gets up, you just have a pissed off individual with a vendetta on their hands.

-- Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge

Finally, giving emotion to something is the best form of validation, ignoring them is the ultimate insult.  I used to think the sweetest revenge is to live well, however I've found fault in that -- by making an object, person or idea irrelevant is a win win in many cases.

Don't fall into all those sad stories you write, Your voice is so pretty When it gets caught in the right rhyme

A wise sage outlined the phases of life, and volunteers that I'm in 'Phase 2' -- First instinct says, damn, I should be further along, however, thinking about it I'm glad I'm past phase one and understand there are move levels to aspire to achieve.  A tip of the hat to The Veils --

I came out to the desert, and my friends jokingly say I have a girly french cap and hipster douschbag sweater (I don't think Kohl's had hipster douschbag clothes, but its all relative, and I stand corrected.)

In keeping with the literal fashions of the world, I offer the shirt, the way of dress, the way clothing is percieved in an office, and the company policy -- and move that through the phases of life.

----------------------------------------------------
Phase 1 - idealism - i'm going to change the world!
----------------------------------------------------

I'm out of Academia!  Yee Haw!  I'm going to take my nice little project and run it through the 'Systems Development Life Cycle' (SDLC) and I'm going cross reference it with all these key words and concepts, and I'm going to be the one that KNOWS, regardless of all the empirical knowledge around me.

My boss says I need to wear a collared shirt, I'm happy!, I'm officially 'white collar' -- I am dressing for the job I want, the job I have, and I will move up by providing 'valuable' input to these people in authorative positions.  I am a team player, I'm self motivated, I work great with a team OR by myself, I know all the right things.

Are my slacks nice enough?, I forgot to iron this one little piece, wow I hope no one notices --

------------------------------------------------
Phase 2 - screw it - the world cant be changed
------------------------------------------------

The SDLC hasn't been working out, my boss handed me a big clump of shit and said here, sculpt it.  So I've been sculpting away, all the while others have differing opinions on how the legs, hips, theighs and buttox should look, all the while I'm the one holding the sculpting tool.  OK, we'll make the butt bigger, yea, it does make a disconnect with how the hips and butt fit, ok, bigger hips, gotcha -- oo, now that's too hard on the knees and the pants don't fit, roger that, working on it right away.

You begin to awknowledge that world is a tactical nightmare of people arguing over semantics while never truly seeing the need to step back and have a coherent strategy for life, love, work and whatever else have you. 

Screw the company policy for making me wear a collard shirt, its not reasonable in these conditions.  The world is all about reason, right?  How can Kant be wrong, why aren't people seeing this?  I'll wear my pink and green long sleeve no collard shirt UNDER my nice collard white polo to say 'F You' to the system, yeat that's it.  I'll work around the system, b/c I'm sly like that, and they're not going to get the best of me. 

I'm smarter than that, yes-sir-ree.

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phase 3 - acceptance - the world may not change but i can still scratch my itches
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At some point do we all sit back and realize we love big brother,?  just like the protagonist in 1984? - I think there's a big portion of that --

You one day being to realize you have the illusion of freedom, but yet you're enslaved to your own devices, but that's OK.  I have BBQ, I have a good job, a great family, and people who love me.

That collard shirt looks nice on me, I think I'm going to wear another one tomorrow, just a different color.

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phase 4 - understanding - getting what you want is meaningless - wanting what you have that's the trick
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To fully understand this understanding phase is something I hope to achieve by age 50.  It's very very difficult, much moreso than the simplicity implies.

It means don't hate the players, hate the game -- and if you don't like the game, you can always opt NOT to play, or invent your own game.

It means hard work surpasses all games and shannagins, and you're always picked for the team based on merit, PERIOD.

To me it means framing reality in a way that accepts and embraces percieved shortcomings of people.  As in Goodwill Hunting when Robin William's tells Matt Damon that his wife once farted and it cleared the room...that and 1,000 other things made her special in the perspective of life.

To me it means knowing that I can hope on a plane anywhere and anytime, and it be a choice not a necessity in the quest for self actualization.

To me it means the grass will NOT be greener on the other side, b/c this is the side I'm cultivating, fertilizing, trimming weeds and rain dancing for.

To me it means turning family into friends and friends into family.

At the end of the day, I realize life is good in the morning, life is good when I go to sleep, and it really doesn't matter what shirt I'm wearing.

Watch as the cracks in the wall feel pain, For only patterns on a snake's back give us genuine fear

This morning I told my buddy I'm popping on Thirteen Senses and diving into my duties.  I explain to him that they're great 'mellow white boy sentimental' music, perfect for zoning out during a morning of mindless repetitive tasks.

Often computer tasks are similar to the good ol' Henry Ford assembly line method.  For car makers, when the door comes over, you have to put the inside and outside handles on, the window, umm, the lock, and the dressing.  For computers its an array of files and disks and other peripherals that you perform comparable activities on.  When you break it all down to the fundamental pieces it's manageable, and it can get as complicated as you can imagine.

An excerpt from the tune 'The Salt Wound Routine' reminds me that much of what we fear never comes to fruition, and often we're further away from the glass ceilings than we think.

---
And all this ground beneath my feet
Has decided not to crumble into the sea
I walked in a house, it smelt of paint
And the ceiling it has no trouble with me
---

Outside the big red sky is getting dim, shooting pool and talking, making new friends

30 years ago I'd wake up Saturday morning and watch cartoons, 20 years ago I'd wait for wrestling on Saturday night and playing Rygar on Nintendo, 10 years ago I'd be lying in bed nursing a hangover, today I wake up and go to work for 12 hours, coming off a 12 hour day, leaning into a 12 hour day tomorrow.

I used to think I was glad to have lived through a party phase of life, the older I get I wish I would have done more with those years.  Working the long hours out here has brought to my attention just how capable the body and mind are to accomplish more than I've ever expected from the past.  I used to think I was marching to the tune of a different drum and taking in the road less travelled, but in reality I've been on the same road as populist sentiment.

While looking outward to the world to frame geopolitical issues, I look inward to expand this vessel taking me on this journey.  I've found my perception to be constantly changing, life has been a perpetual dream piled on book after book of contrary viewpoints to be sorted soon.

I used to write often, lately I've lost or ran out of energy.  There's many new ideas I need to weave into the fabric of my existence, and I hope to be able to do some of that on the front porch in Shiner Texas in about a month.  Expand, then fill, then rearrange, I think that's how it works.  Read a bunch, let your mind go hmmm for a while, then take a break from all things written and digital, and see how the cards fall and frame it accordingly to what you think, feel and believe to be the truth.  External entities and knowledge will influence your path, but to me, self actualization boils down to what makes sense for you, then the biggest broadcast point comes with action and example.

I can truly see myself one day free, not from the immediate, but from the big picture.  It truly is a dream of mine to not HAVE to go anywhere, do anything and not have to follow the conventions of society and the working world, but rather engage where I want to and how I feel it appropriate.  When I'm an old dude sittin' on the front porch, I want to have a TON to write about.

'Know thyself' has been such an important phrase in my life.  It's always reminded me to look at people's reactions to my thoughts and actions, and let these reactions dictate which foibles of mine are charming and which are not.  While proceeding through life, I'm meeting many people of which I respect, of different mindsets and different ideologies -- and from this I learn more about where to go, what to do, and how to do it.  It's constant adjustment and tweaking that requires a lot of hard work internally.

I've learned to go where the communication and conversation is for insight.  The conversation has made its way to Facebook with a bigger portion of the population participating.  The scientifics of social media are there and fascinating, but put simply, there are people engaging and entwined in threads that would usually never speak or interact with one another.  It tears down walls, and at the macro perspective, as more people engage, it will solve a lot more problems than it creates.  It gives everyone an opportunity to engage with a low barrier to entry -- It gives an opportunity to showcase what they think and feel while allowing others to engage.  I gleam a lot of one liners and morsels of knowledge from the facebook community, seems to be the place where the conversation is these days -- instant digital communication will take some time to align with the world's fashions.

But the prefects all backed down, and they ran her out of town, Cause she drank and swore and spoke Out of turn, she was the village joke

Every time I pop in Belle and Sebastian's The Boy with the Arab Strap different metaphor grabs me, and the mind goes spiraling down some wonderful tangent.

Today is all about titles, and the people that have them.  They're used to define people – fence them in to areas of expertise and ideology, and give the perception of credence to some sort of structure.

We're rewarded today by having more titles, cooler titles, letters behind our name, all the while the institutions that hand out these letters and credentials turn their products into commodities, hence they become financial institutions.

We all know the Peter Principle, and we all know the 7 habits of highly effective people, but there's a lot more to the whole person perspective.

Individuals that have taken that balanced dive in personal life, spiritual, political, economic, cultural and scientific to start offer more in terms of holistic approach and long term strategy that WILL win the race, whatever that race may be.

To this day, I haven't found a title that was relevant in defining the character, ambition and vision in an individual, I treat higher titles with respect, but often times irreverent.

An organization where the barriers to entry are high and balanced among perspective, the reward is great, and the product isn't a commodity – that's what I'm shooting for --

There are things I cannot forget, I wish none had happened yet, We were stronger than the preachers, We were wiser than the wall

Tonight as I kick back after a piece of 'America 'Heck' Yea' Halloween cake, I think about the artical I read concerning the conflict in Afghanistan.  Seems as though helicoptors are used to 'mermite' in ice cream and fried chicken to forward operating bases, and participants in the region look foward to 'karoke night.'

With such distractions, it's easy to take your eyes off the prize.  Objectives are defined, but they are difficult, time will tell if insurmountable, but as it stands I find it difficult to see the nationalization of these campaigns from the ground.

Lately I've been thinking about getting a new shirt or two, and some pants that fit.  I've been running in the morning, running in the afternoon, and the .5 miles to my chu I've been running full speed on the way home.  Guess kinda like gump, I can just see one of these 'spooky people' here go, wow, what's that guy's problem!?  I would think that Gump ran b/c there wasn't anything particular on his mind, so it just came to him -- I think I run b/c the ambiguity in the job and life have forced gridlock.  Gridlock in the same way you have a quadruple knot that's been tighened and tightened, and you have nothing but your fingers with no fingernails to get it undone.

Something Billy Bragg says, 'its just like being on a fast ride at a fun fair, the kind you want to get off b/c its scary, but when you're off you want to get right back on again' -- I think about that one out here, as we approach BIAP for our obligatory surf and turf -- that close to hoppin' on a plane, but then what?

Attitude is something you take with you everywhere, bring a bad attitude you'll leave with one.  Out here I have become and play the role of the quintessential 'nerd', that's how I came, that's the way I'll leave.

It's hard to get a 'read' on ANYONE out here b/c of the freakish nature of the roles and responsibilities.  What was this person like at 'home,?' I often find myself thinking. 

There's a lot of fraternization out here, but little cause for unity in hardship. 

Well they're swapping pharmaceuticals in Mussolini Park And they're wigglin' and wobbilin' and dozin' in the dark

this week sees a wave of my friends off to friendly shores -- the transient nature of the people out here is strange and difficult but very fulfilling. i realize when i leave next summer very few of the people I've started this journey with will be around.

a wise friend said to cultivate relationships with the people, its all about the people. people are what make any situation dynamic.

a good buddy mine out here, in a farewell speech said 'do something with your time.' all kinds of time and all kinds of opportunities are presented to us on a daily basis, and most people out here capitalize on that in many ways. I've been learning patience, and that patience will allow me to seize not just opportunities, but the right opportunities for a bright future.

I feel strangely at home here now, I know the guy on the poster from the local shop, i know Rita at the coffee shop is from Kathmandu, i know where a lot of the Indian nationals call home. Comfort is in the little details. Finding beauty in the simple things, Thoreau is where I'm at mentally, although I won't physically follow that route for some time.

tonight i toast a big liter bottle of water to friends who are departing back to families, its not a goodbye, merely a see you later, and a sincere thank you for the perspective.

Since you've been asleep, We washed your purple veil, Called father daniel, Asked the undertaker for an extra day

Today was an old school David Garza day, which reminded me of my days as a COBOL programmer, trying to make relational magic with index files.  In those days, I tried to help build the better mouse trap so my company could sell doors and door knobs.

An underlying hardcore consistency in matters at hand is what I'm developing while hopping to and fro.  Consistency breeds emotion control.

Most things mundane, these things surreal /

** Apache helicopters partnering up to go blow something up

** the spattering of guns in the distance on the walk home

** 50 cal in the distance waking you up at night

I've come to really like the great attitude of the Ugandan people, and I look forward to visiting their country one day.

 

It's getting chilly'ish in the morning for the record --

Hurry home before the sky breaks out No point predicting things that happen all the time

Today doing my zombie walk to the communal shower facility I noticed der himmel ist grey, and throughout the day I was hoping to see the 3rd minute spattering of rain in the last 6 months, but to no avail. Even the birds seemed to think so, whilst sitting over the lake overlooking the bombed out Baath Party HQ building eating chicken fingers and potato wedges, they sang in jubilation at the chance of a shower.

The other two minutes of rain a few months back cleared the air, it was actually beautiful, or maybe I just thought so b/c I've grown ac costumed to this god forsaken climate and topography.

Sondre Lerche's new one has been spinnin' with me in the gym, along with audio books. What do people listen to in the gym, is it mostly 'pump you up linkin park is a roller coaster type music', or some sh*t with a 'beat' or whatever else have you?

I think about all the time I've logged on a treadmill over the last 10 years and go damn, its brought me a lot of sweat. I can recall the austin gym i worked out at, i can almost feel that sweat on my fat head. what can you do about a fat head? losing 30 lbs out here, now ppl say my head looks too big for my body...awwww, the perils of vanity.

metaphorically speaking, rain often comes with a bad connotation, rain in baghdad or sondre singing about it is beautiful and perfect. Tomorrow I believe I'm going to hit up some old Ed Harcourt to keep the pleasant singer songwriter going and to balance out Leonard Cohen's acid poetry.

she was college educated with a phd, but she was always right and i was wrong, just another place i don't belong

strolling down amnesia lane i recall fastball playing a live acoustic show a block away from my inhabitance at the now defunct jupiter records. a brilliant show complete with keg beer and a timeless live cd.

don't ask me why that makes me think of families, however, and in random sentiment, i think of what a coworker says, 'who gets off the plane in baghdad and says 'family, we're home?'' so much depends on geography, so little depends on a lot of other things -- when i get a phd, that last sentence is what i'm going to use as a dissertation topic.

i think about how messy are the times that we live, the path of least resistance, one of a boisterous troll, but then i think about the global village we live in and think, we as a collective have this covered. (insert rainbows and unicorns and flowers and other visions of nice things)

what obstacle is there not great enough to conquer if you only just think it through, whats unreasonable after empathizing, what and challenge doesn't turn into an opportunity? i sat in the criticize everything and everyone group and i did ok, but when i joined the find a silver lining in everything group my life got exponentially better.

the world truly is flat, and i'm finding that what you make of it and what's at stake are that of personal responsibility and if you don't have that working, it makes no sense in questioning institutions or ideologies, just control what you can and move the stone, don't just do you best, that's not enough in this everyone gets a trophy world.

the planned luck to come out here and do some really good things, has been, and i HATE using the word a 'blessing,' from the blessing fairies. while doing so i miss my brothers and sisters, mummy and cousins and nieces and nephews a ton --

my time here will add some more value to my human equity, and i might even be able to get a one handed push up or two out of it.

It's easy to be easy and free when it doesn't mean anything you remain selfless, cold and composed

A common dilemma as a point to point traveller, where is the hub?  In a more concrete sense, if I have a flat tire, who do I call for help?

Decision and circumstance have had not per se and alienation effect, rather a natural distancing effect to me and even my inner circle of friends.

I see that ever pending decision, when do I rejoin the ranks of reality, or should I stay in this realm and see how deep this all goes.

My course of living life in a vacuum has brewed a contempt of the way our citizens frame the pillars that hold our civilization together.  One man's opportunity is another man's threats, we eek forward as a nation.

How can one tell when everything is in its right place and when, as a collective over the long term, you short change yourself for immediate and instant gratification?

Balance in life sits on the top of a pinhead, satin pillows all around to rest happily and comfortably, so why this fixation with the pain on my throbbing feet?

With additions to your color pallet of perspective, preconceived notions and ideologies fall by the wayside and you are dragged back to the middle, gaining autonomy along the way.  No one is your enemy, everyone is an opportunity.

There's a fine line b/w being a sociopath and someone who genuinely cares.