Thursday, August 23, 2007

Get on the same train and he wants to talk, But there is too much history, too much biography between us

Me and the Major, a song by Belle and Sebastian describes the status of my emotions these days, I'm living in a world where I don't fit in, but like what any survivor does, they survive (wow, did that last sentence sounds like GW Bush or what?)

Every night I come home while I live a tame life. I live a tame life because I want to pay for the life of excess I've had the last 10 years of my life. I want to come out of this scenario clean, with a fresh start, and it's my NUMBER ONE priority, ahead of anything else I can possible think of in life. And it feels good like that, It feels good for me to be on the path of responsible living.

What is the residue left behind one may ask? Well, every evening when I come home, part of my feels like the little puppy dog that took a wicked steamer in the corner of the room. I kinda know I've done something wrong, and parts of me have regrets. Yea, that 12 man toast at O'Neils in London was fun, that ticket to the Prado in Spain was worth it, that 900 dollar Martin guitar that I just salivate over all the time is cool, and many other things, great stuff, but the consequences of that is the game of 'where is he now?' Well the short answer, he's paying for it, monetarily, and in some cases emotionally and physically.

Tis a city where the life blood (no pun intended) is military, soldiers and spurs, at least that's the dominate presence as I roam around, talk to people, and make attempts to engage in the society and culture. I've never seen citizens of a city boastfully turn their back on downtown, proudly proclaiming, 'the burbs,' that's where it's at. I hear this at least once a day from different entities. Head down south, I'd say every third building is for lease. I don't understand it, and I hope my time here will help me to understanding what is playing out in my mind as a fascinating cultural dynamic.

I ate lunch with some rather interesting people this evening, conversations revolving around SA being the 'soul' of Texas, and unarguably the first city in Texas, and fascinating parallels to Guadalajara and Monterrey.

I'm also able to vaguely read between the lines of what happens to a city, or inner city when 'the money' turns it back on it. Something certainly creeps in to fill that void. This dynamic, at least the way I see it is extremely intriguing.

Loads on my mind right now, I have no earthly idea how to catalogue. I have loads of pictures in the queue, and I'm excited to bring my bike up next week to venture farther into the urban wilderness. (dont be afraid family, when I see gangs hangin' by cars, I know it's my cue to turn around, don't drown (in my own blood that is)).

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