Sunday, October 28, 2007

Pale, pubescent beasts, Roam through the streets, And coffee shops, While I Try to Find Words as Light as the Birds that Circle Above

Sunday afternoon, I'm watching 'The Resurrection' a movie filmed IN SHINER, and starring my grandma in select parts. 5 stars on Amazon, but only available on VHS tape? What's up with that? Long story short, its about a woman who has the power to heal, without any divine ties, hence society alienates her, go figure.

World class vision, another point of mental toughness, one of societies great visions is one of love, the passionate and unconditional kind. Sorry, but when Tina Turner says 'whats love got to do with it,' she's just fuming.

It's a really primitive world out there when you don't have love in your life, real cave man shit going on everywhere, and I am old enough to say with strong conviction I HATE IT. I do believe souls have to find each other for balance and focus in life, and in a society tooled for two.

It's that time in my life, would I rather go out and watch a bunch of hoes dancing 'To the Window To the Wall on the dance floor', being cool, or would I rather stay at home and do personal things, without a doubt, the times in my life of 'keepin up with the Jones's is over', and I'm entering the adult life and true virtue.

What it mean, I guess it says, when you're a 'cool and young' person, you can't wait for the phone to hang out with your friends, when you're 'old,' the phone rings on Saturday night, you hope its not for you.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

You can take your dollar bills or you can leave 'em behind, All the books that i've read just cleaned out my mind

I am going for my Six Sigma Blackbelt, and I can't decide if the service I dropped a grand on is worth it, or is it one of those 'for $69.99, we'll send you a masters degree.' I have to figure out a project for the sigma certification30-40 pages of stuff I plan to put a lot of thought into, just trying to figure out what do it on, something that's beneficial to me, and something that's a calculated risk, because I haven't worked up to 100% risky yet.

I read a lot, I love the 'self help' books, and I feel like I'm close to outgrowing them, which I think is a good thing? MY AMAZON WISHLIST is growing like crazy. What am I reading other than the six sigma bible....we'll, it would be Effective C# and I'm listening to 5 Mental Toughness 'pointers' every night before I go to bed.

The two biggest things I've taken from the toughness lecture thus far.
  1. Separate Truth From Fact -- Boggled my mind, opened up a whole new world of thought to me with this one line. What it tells me, pragmatism and money making don't go hand in hand. If you want to make money, you have to abstract yourself from doing actual work in many ways. I think this has been the general truth, but in a flat world, is the pragmatic approach going to pay off? I've always believed that work was a redeeming virtue in an individual, and through advanced beurocracy, lots of people were able to bullshit their way into mansions. The fact could be the woman or job you are with could be the best for you, but the fact is they probably aren't the best in the world, and it peeves me when people say, 'I have the best job in the world, or my old lady is the best in the world.' What are the facts, and what is the truth, that one has left my head spinning, and it will be spinning for a long time.
  2. Non-linear thinking -- Hearing this was music to my ears, I've never been a linear thinker, I've always thought in terms of abstract ideas, and the exchanging of ideas. 177 mental toughness and Colbert's new book both say something to the effect that there are 3 classes in America; poor, middle, and upper. Poor think about food on the table and clothes on the body, middle think about what degree or certification to get next, while the upper practice idea exchange and are able to abstract and integrate. How does it explain why I'm living in a sh*thole apartment with still a pocket full of flint? I have thoughts on this, and I feel that I'm always on the cusp of great things, and these will come to fruition one of these days if I just keep chipping away at the stone.
The world at large has the illusion of freedom, but all of us are enslaved by something big, examples include politics, religion, girls (like the country song). The more subtle lack of freedom is the fact that we have to wake up every morning and go to work. I like what I do, I like being engaged in my job and duties, but I'd drop it in a heartbeat for a rita and sun in Bermuda and the chance to lead a jet setting lifestyle, and that's why I toil, that's my end.

Regardless, adversity is the catalyst for mental toughness and overcoming obstacles. I put a lot of regard to people in my life who have thick skin and forget the speech and move the stone.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

In the Paper Today, Tells of War and Waste, But you Turn Right Over to the TV Page

The theme for the weekend, visiting great buds (Mike D, Manuelabor and Lacinator) and food that's bad for you, two trips to McDonalds, an excessive portion of sloppy Mexican food, and the clincher, FRIED GUACAMOLE at the state fair.

Somewhere in there we saw St Vincent at a posh museum in Ft Worth. Austin and Ft Worth do music totally different. St Vincent in Austin would have been in crowded sweaty body to sweaty body emos, here, I could have rolled up right in front of everyone without a sour look thrown. Bada$$ 'Dig a Pony' Beatles cover which made me happy.

The museum also had the Ron Mueck exhibit, something extraordinary, but not for many. Manuelabor and Mike D were joking about the sculpture of the pudgy naked dude in the corner, said it looked like me, and unfortunately I couldn't deny it.

At the state fair, we went to a dinosaur IMAX show, one of those IMAX'es that wrap around you, VERY trippy, I had vertigo for 2 hours after it. Lots of other stuff, unfortunately no pictures, but I did find my charger so I'll start making up for it.

My current thoughts swing to Drew Carey's quote, "America isn't at war, they are at the mall," and when I head to a mall, I can't discount this. Also, check out the song, The Internationale, it has a fascinating history, and no, I'm no socialist, but I am an idealist. This 'movie', 'starring' Billy Bragg, is now on my amazon wishlist. I think its just an extended dialogue about the song, you see what I do for fun on a Friday night these days. :-)

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Worlds above and worlds below, The sun shines on the black clouds hanging over the domain

I got asked a question today, if your life was a book, how would it read? I am going to try to answer that, but more in context of the soundtrack of my life.

But first, who would have thought the boys back home would ever see me in an army vest, well here it is, not really in the army vest context, and unless global conquest is sought by a DEVELOPED country, it ain't going to happen in context of battle.

The boys back home, or everyone for that matter always said I have an affinity to 'homo' music, so be it. I'll take the cunning lyrics of Belle and Sebastian any day over something that 'sounds' hardcore that is 'sissy'.

Same thing with my life I suppose, I enjoy finding the 'gentle giants,' those who fly under the radar, and those who understand that plurality never amounts to any good. My life often times is 'four seasons in one day' as depicted by the boys from Australia.

I would like to see the book of my life being read as someone who's gone a long way, and something that is edgy to a point, but then tapers off but still is good. I would say kinda like Bon Jovi, a dude who arguably was a bit edgy in the 80's, then got a haircut and sang 'its my life,' and it worked, and in the process of it all, he's said to have thrown the best parties ever. Poison on the other hand burned out with sex and drugs. There's the spread.

I want the book to read as if I've always taken the long hard road, especially on what I would deem where I am right now in life, lets just call it chapter 5, and up. I want someone or myself outside looking in to go, damn he did this.....and this.....damn that's cool.

I want it to be original, not only in the sense that I've hidden my sources, but also in the sense that I've made a very useful mashup of all these sources and people who are influenced by me can take away something valuable.

I want it to say that I changed the world for the better, and that I worked hard and didn't use excuses all that much.

I want it to say I saw the world cup, been to a third of the countries on the planet, that I stumbled into numerous situations that were 'above my head' and was not only able to tread water but 'motorboat' my way around comfortably. I'd like to have a great career, be a great husband, and a good dad (got to pass on the genetic code.)

Most importantly I want it to be funny, and I want it to be funny to the point where I'm laughing at myself. I think once you get to a point where I can laugh at myself (chapter 3), and truly have a conversation with your intuition (chapter 7), I'll have reached a critical success factor in life.

However it all happens in life, I like the excerpt below, and wish we could live life backwards. Wouldn't that just be grand.

Perspectives On Life, by George Carlin

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus?
I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way.

Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...then you finish off as an orgasm.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

I come flat broke, i will come by hell, to come by isobel

Typing from a brand spankin' new computer for my brother, with some altec lansing 80 dollar bling speakers from the amazon marketplace.

When Jr saw the new computer, heard the music, looked at the screen, there was a smile on this man's face, and family, you know how hard it is to put a smile on JR's face.

I'm looking forward to jammin' some CD's and playing CIV on this beast, I'm hyped right now, which is bad thing, for when I'm in Shiner, I wake up at the crack of 4.30 to get dressed and ready for work on time.

Let's see how it goes, I run through my typical set of 'cool songs' that sound amazing, but JR, he's all about Charlie Pride, Cat Stevens, Eagles and Beatles --- can't blame him I like all of them too :)

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Well a restless wind is whistling through the windows in my head

A good dose of German-Texas heritage and Two Gallants were on tap today, one can't appreciate the intensity of this two piece outfit from the Barbary Coast without seeing them live.

At the Mohawk, Austin's coolest newest hippest bar. The saying goes while talking to the barkeep, that, the place kept going out of business because it was built on Indian sacred ground, well, they called it 'Mohawk' for the 'blessing' from the Indians, by golly, it seems to be working. Crackberry phone picture, you can see Club Deville's crown in the background, kinda symbolic if you know the progression of this area.

The Gallants on German MTV, still doesn't do it justice. The band before them had six people on stage, the Gallants said, we'll take your six and produce the same sound with two. Just listen to that raspy voice!

The important part of the weekend, getting to catch up with Lee, Mike D, Jenny and Ashley, and we can't forget sis and the family. Check out this TERRIBLE picture of Lee and I at Scholz Garten, I did my best to look German'ish with the goldish shorts, black shirt with a red one underneath.

And Mr If You're Gonna Walk on Water, Could You Drop a Line My Way

Counting Crows, August and Everything After, an album I have fond memories of, bought it in Atlanta GA and listened to it all the way to Texas on a Greyhound. It's foggy and heavy, so its appropriate for the moment. Something in the album brings a great peace.

As I'm sitting here with Collin and Kman, two cool dudes I lived with and miss a whole bunch, I think about what other than evolution. A defense to the spiritual, I'm wondering why there's nothing even close to man in terms of evolution, if everything is still evolving? Why aren't there any half human / half apes roaming around?

Life is all about adjusting your thoughts as time goes on. It is an adjustment phase for me again! I figure out something new, I apply it to the past, and drum up all sorts of incite of what works and what doesn't work. I feel as if the people who take that journey down introspection further get alienated from society, and become more disillusioned from society. Why do I think this, and regardless, is this an asset?

Life changes, it's easy as a single person to choose to change with it. When two are tango'ing, this change becomes harder to manage. The choice becomes do you work through the change and continue to change with life and reinvent who you are in context of your surroundings, or do you put walls up to prevent changes. I consciously try to break down the walls in my mind and heart as they appear, and I feel as this has made me a better person.

I've recently had a 'self-taught' crash course on point of view, commitment, and other topics still lingering in my mind. I've always used music to try to articulate the way I'm feeling, and four songs at the moment spring to mind

Mastermind - The Divine Comedy | Bloomington - The Old 97's | Anna Begins - Counting Crows | Mystery of Love - David Gray

Mastermind by DC is one of the most thoughtful and inciteful songs, just hearing it, one has to go 'wow,' I'm at that place in my life, and he articulates exactly what I'm feeling, and exactly articulates the questions hovering through my mind. It's so many things, and almost always sends a chill up my spine when listening, with so many layers I take something else away from the song every time its given a spin.

'Well we all need reassurance as we play life's game of endurance
Like a nice cup of tea or a cigarette'

Bloomington tells the tale a small town playful girl and the flurry of emotion and thought that comes with a thoughtful mind and a playful attitude.

'And the existence of God was confirmed
By the way she unfolded herself alongside
And I tried to harden my heart
But she wouldn’t let me she wouldn’t let me'

Anna Begins, a tune by the crows that makes me thinking of the inevitable 'cash out,' that everyone does. By this I mean, when do you accept compromise, resolve and unity in a relationship, and what factors contribute to the decisions that lead up to this. Should it be hard, should it be easy, should it be convenient, is there reward in risk? What has to align...?...time love and tenderness? Bolton says, and then, what about the overlap of compassion and understanding.

Mystery of Love by Mr Gray's hit talks about walking in the world while you're juggling desire, and being a part of the balancing act. Most importantly it speaks to how words can hurt, and how words can heal, but most importantly to get words, thoughts, emotions and feelings revealed, and as it happens intimacy and understanding grows.

I like exploring these topics, I want to bring incite to the table when and if the stars align for me. Until then, I want to be more like Linus van Pelt instead of Charlie Brown.

Life situations can knock the wind out of you, leave you short of breath, and occasionally you have to remind yourself to take a deep breath and realize that you are for the most part control of your own destiny. A quote I've referenced many times in the past, 'fate will take you half the way there, the rest is up to you.' -- I'm tweaking the 'rest' part.

Situations of the heart require doing what you can in context of who you are and the layers in your situation, the hard part is the renewed search for the reassurance and intimacy we all need, and finding somebody who believes in you.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

He Sat me Down and So Began, The Story of a Charmless Man

Boy do I need a dog --- You know the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac stayed up all night trying to figure out weather or not there was a dog.

In a land of tacos and chorizo, I've found the best german food I've ever ate. Only bad thing it comes at a LUNCH COST of 12.95 per plate, however it's still sitting with me.

Speaking of sitting, there's all kinds of Germans in there speaking the native tounge, the only one I didn't see in there was Herman, the multi-instrumentalist from Austin.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Dear Prudence, Won't You Come Out and Play

Holla from an empty Ruta Maya downtown San Antonio, looks like Austin's attempt at exporting culture isn't working too well in this location. I could elaborate, but I would just get sad, so hence, just gonna sit here and NOT chill.
What do I have on my mind, well I have heroes and influential people on my mind, and what their role is in social engineering.

You see, Kurt Cobain was a hero to some, sure I love it when he sings You Know You're Right, and I know he really means it when he repeats 'PAIN PAIN PAIN' at the top of his lungs. In a sad sorta way its inspiring. After all we know that the Seattle grunge rock boy landed Courtney Love and they didn't live happily ever after, part of the party didn't even live.

I once believed that people like this saw the world with a really bright color pallet, now I just see it as a way to head down a path of little resistance, with depression, hoes, drugs and other baggage that follows.

A real hero is gallant in life, a night in shining armor, taking on the day to day life events and making them admirable. A real hero sees the dark side but chooses to rise above, and most importantly has the courage to rise above, to reach for the unknown, doing it with grace and dignity.

I can tell you one billion reasons why Ben Folds and Neil Hannon play that role for me in an entertainment sense, but since it's my blog and its all about me, I'll tell you where I fall in on the 'hero spectrum.'

I certainly have my internal axes to grind, but for the most part I like to think I take on life with a fervor, enthusiasm, and curiosity. I guess it depends on what your criteria of being a hero is, but I believe you tend to live your life in the eyes of what deem extraordinary. For me that's controlled vigor and inch deep mile wide perspective on life, knowing you could drill down and appreciate anything life has thrown at you, and knowing you could excel at anything you desired.

My life has always been a volatile ball of emotion, and it has cost me intimacy in more ways than I'd like to remember, and I've finally tuned into this aspect of my inner soul. Sure I'd like to be omnipotent, but hell, what's the use, it ain't going to happen.

Why does intensity bring with it the good and bad, and how can I control that aspect of my inner self. Well, that's what I've been asking myself lately, and as life takes me on a much needed journey of self discovery, I put the pieces together from my past, yea, messed that one up, yep, that was a doozie, yep, another bone head maneuver, yep, yep, yep. Painful recollections of things, and I'm swimming in it, much like Kirk as he's Smellin' like Teen Spirit.

I can easily make that transition to hero by taking the problems I already know that exists in me and use the answers I already know to these questions and put them together. Isn't that the definition of a pragmatic hero, one who looks inside, first overcomes himself, then overcomes any obstacles that stand in the way of his dreams or destiny?

In the meantime, I feel like a redneck meddlin' under the hood of a moving vehicle, fixing things as they break, and constantly adding mods to my Chevrolet body. I wasn't born a Corvette, but by the end of life, I hope to have a uniquely designed Impala that will kick the corvettes butt.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

I might just get up and dance, Or buy some acid-wash Pants

Strollin' into Best Buy the other day, I snap of picture of something that gives me hope, an ENTIRE ROW of Ben Folds cd's. How did that get there? Could have been an error, or Ben just could have made it to the masses.

The CD sections of stores are thinning worse than my hair at age 22. It's fascinating to think about what this all means, and where it is all going.

Some 'study' once said that people like to own physical CD's, I can't see how that is the case anymore, or if it ever was the case.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Don't Start the Talking, I Could Talk All Night, My Mind Goes Sleepwalking While I'm Putting the World to Right

Pictures from my the co-birthday celebration, Jamie and I.

Here's an elephant spotted in the elephant ears.

Gman and Jamie's landscape is lush, damn its pretty on that side of the house.

Just look at the detail one those leaves, we're trying to get that growing in the back of my crib but to no avail....yet.

64 candles, for the both of us, settin' off smoke alarms.

Me lookin all mad at Ashton, I like that picture a lot, its funny :)