Saturday, October 13, 2007

And Mr If You're Gonna Walk on Water, Could You Drop a Line My Way

Counting Crows, August and Everything After, an album I have fond memories of, bought it in Atlanta GA and listened to it all the way to Texas on a Greyhound. It's foggy and heavy, so its appropriate for the moment. Something in the album brings a great peace.

As I'm sitting here with Collin and Kman, two cool dudes I lived with and miss a whole bunch, I think about what other than evolution. A defense to the spiritual, I'm wondering why there's nothing even close to man in terms of evolution, if everything is still evolving? Why aren't there any half human / half apes roaming around?

Life is all about adjusting your thoughts as time goes on. It is an adjustment phase for me again! I figure out something new, I apply it to the past, and drum up all sorts of incite of what works and what doesn't work. I feel as if the people who take that journey down introspection further get alienated from society, and become more disillusioned from society. Why do I think this, and regardless, is this an asset?

Life changes, it's easy as a single person to choose to change with it. When two are tango'ing, this change becomes harder to manage. The choice becomes do you work through the change and continue to change with life and reinvent who you are in context of your surroundings, or do you put walls up to prevent changes. I consciously try to break down the walls in my mind and heart as they appear, and I feel as this has made me a better person.

I've recently had a 'self-taught' crash course on point of view, commitment, and other topics still lingering in my mind. I've always used music to try to articulate the way I'm feeling, and four songs at the moment spring to mind

Mastermind - The Divine Comedy | Bloomington - The Old 97's | Anna Begins - Counting Crows | Mystery of Love - David Gray

Mastermind by DC is one of the most thoughtful and inciteful songs, just hearing it, one has to go 'wow,' I'm at that place in my life, and he articulates exactly what I'm feeling, and exactly articulates the questions hovering through my mind. It's so many things, and almost always sends a chill up my spine when listening, with so many layers I take something else away from the song every time its given a spin.

'Well we all need reassurance as we play life's game of endurance
Like a nice cup of tea or a cigarette'

Bloomington tells the tale a small town playful girl and the flurry of emotion and thought that comes with a thoughtful mind and a playful attitude.

'And the existence of God was confirmed
By the way she unfolded herself alongside
And I tried to harden my heart
But she wouldn’t let me she wouldn’t let me'

Anna Begins, a tune by the crows that makes me thinking of the inevitable 'cash out,' that everyone does. By this I mean, when do you accept compromise, resolve and unity in a relationship, and what factors contribute to the decisions that lead up to this. Should it be hard, should it be easy, should it be convenient, is there reward in risk? What has to align...?...time love and tenderness? Bolton says, and then, what about the overlap of compassion and understanding.

Mystery of Love by Mr Gray's hit talks about walking in the world while you're juggling desire, and being a part of the balancing act. Most importantly it speaks to how words can hurt, and how words can heal, but most importantly to get words, thoughts, emotions and feelings revealed, and as it happens intimacy and understanding grows.

I like exploring these topics, I want to bring incite to the table when and if the stars align for me. Until then, I want to be more like Linus van Pelt instead of Charlie Brown.

Life situations can knock the wind out of you, leave you short of breath, and occasionally you have to remind yourself to take a deep breath and realize that you are for the most part control of your own destiny. A quote I've referenced many times in the past, 'fate will take you half the way there, the rest is up to you.' -- I'm tweaking the 'rest' part.

Situations of the heart require doing what you can in context of who you are and the layers in your situation, the hard part is the renewed search for the reassurance and intimacy we all need, and finding somebody who believes in you.

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