Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Dear Prudence, Won't You Come Out and Play

Holla from an empty Ruta Maya downtown San Antonio, looks like Austin's attempt at exporting culture isn't working too well in this location. I could elaborate, but I would just get sad, so hence, just gonna sit here and NOT chill.
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What do I have on my mind, well I have heroes and influential people on my mind, and what their role is in social engineering.

You see, Kurt Cobain was a hero to some, sure I love it when he sings You Know You're Right, and I know he really means it when he repeats 'PAIN PAIN PAIN' at the top of his lungs. In a sad sorta way its inspiring. After all we know that the Seattle grunge rock boy landed Courtney Love and they didn't live happily ever after, part of the party didn't even live.

I once believed that people like this saw the world with a really bright color pallet, now I just see it as a way to head down a path of little resistance, with depression, hoes, drugs and other baggage that follows.

A real hero is gallant in life, a night in shining armor, taking on the day to day life events and making them admirable. A real hero sees the dark side but chooses to rise above, and most importantly has the courage to rise above, to reach for the unknown, doing it with grace and dignity.

I can tell you one billion reasons why Ben Folds and Neil Hannon play that role for me in an entertainment sense, but since it's my blog and its all about me, I'll tell you where I fall in on the 'hero spectrum.'

I certainly have my internal axes to grind, but for the most part I like to think I take on life with a fervor, enthusiasm, and curiosity. I guess it depends on what your criteria of being a hero is, but I believe you tend to live your life in the eyes of what deem extraordinary. For me that's controlled vigor and inch deep mile wide perspective on life, knowing you could drill down and appreciate anything life has thrown at you, and knowing you could excel at anything you desired.

My life has always been a volatile ball of emotion, and it has cost me intimacy in more ways than I'd like to remember, and I've finally tuned into this aspect of my inner soul. Sure I'd like to be omnipotent, but hell, what's the use, it ain't going to happen.

Why does intensity bring with it the good and bad, and how can I control that aspect of my inner self. Well, that's what I've been asking myself lately, and as life takes me on a much needed journey of self discovery, I put the pieces together from my past, yea, messed that one up, yep, that was a doozie, yep, another bone head maneuver, yep, yep, yep. Painful recollections of things, and I'm swimming in it, much like Kirk as he's Smellin' like Teen Spirit.

I can easily make that transition to hero by taking the problems I already know that exists in me and use the answers I already know to these questions and put them together. Isn't that the definition of a pragmatic hero, one who looks inside, first overcomes himself, then overcomes any obstacles that stand in the way of his dreams or destiny?

In the meantime, I feel like a redneck meddlin' under the hood of a moving vehicle, fixing things as they break, and constantly adding mods to my Chevrolet body. I wasn't born a Corvette, but by the end of life, I hope to have a uniquely designed Impala that will kick the corvettes butt.

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