Friday, November 30, 2007

When everything feels all over, When everybody seems unkind

Latest self help book, more on fear, here's my notes --

1 -- fear will never go away as long as you grow

2 -- the only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it

3 -- the only way to feel better about yourself is to go out and do it

4 -- not only are you going to experience fear, so will everyone else

5 -- fear of being helpless is worse than pushing through fear

-- move yourself from a position of pain to a position of power

-- love and power go together, with no power love is distorted

-- i am powerful and i am loving, i am powerful and i am loved, i am powerful and i love it

-- do you see yourself as a victim, or do you take responsibility? never blaming anyone or anything for what you are doing or feeling -- blaming is giving away all your power -- griping is a habit, get rid of it, it will take time -- don't make yourself a victim of yourself -- always do the best given the person you are at the time

-- taking responsibility means taking control of the chatterbox inside, the doom and gloom condescending 'troll' inside

-- we usually anticipate the worse, saying yes dilutes the fear and calmly handles the situation

-- saying no resists opportunities and creates apathy

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I Was Never Cool In School, I'm Sure You Don't Remember Me

Tonight speaks of the fine line between insecurity and disinterest. When I was young I always thought what I felt was insecurity; Insecurity at other peoples clothes, other peoples girls, money, fancy cocktail parties, 'nice houses' and often thoughts and ideologies held by others. Now that I'm all grown up, I feel more as if it was just a genuine disinterest the whole time, and the insecurity has turned into pride, and it isn't going back to the pumpkin at midnight.

A friend of mine once told me, you have to read 'Rules for Radicals,' something I picked up, read a few pages and said, wait, radicals (or deviants as I like to call them) don't need rules, for they are the ones who make the rules. Generally speaking, the innovators pave the road we drive on, while the imitators write books and papers on it.

What made me think about this tonight, I'm standing in line at Whataburger waiting for my double cheeseburger, mustard only, the cashier gave me a smile but I was shy and looked down, so down, just as Ben Folds said it in the song Underground. It came to me, I wasn't insecure, just disinterested but obviously in a kind way.

I think a lot of people spend their 'brain downtime' thinking about things. I surely do, and tonight a lot of things just sorta came to me, the point when all thoughts come together.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

And If Love is All Around Us, How Could this Have Found Us, The Move you Know is Don't Let Go Of Me

I had a fair share of turkey and pie and loafing today, and happily no pulled muscles this year. I need to get rumbling on some exercise or that minute on the lips will turn to lifetime on the hips. I had a lot of time to think today, just a general 'take it easy' sorta day, and I'm amazed at how much my mind is at ease, and how that makes me a better participant in family life. I love the feeling.

I think about fear, and how many people live their lives in fear, and how many people base all kinds of decisions in life on what they are afraid of. I tried to get down to the root of it all, thinking, is it terrorists, bad people, new job, new house, new girl or what? What is people's main source of strife, forever I thought being bold is what it took to overcome what I thought people feared the most, FAILURE. I've finally come to understand that humans in general are afraid of success. Success, however you measure it, should take a person out of their comfort zone and thrust them into a 'brand new way' like Rhett would say. I've feared success until today in my life, and today starts a reconditioning of my mind to accept nothing other than success. In its purest form to me, no matter what you do in life, this means 'overcoming obstacles' and having the right attitude. For me this means being deviant inside while following the worlds fashions, and 'busting loose' when the time is right.

The other side of that is courage. Jeff Buckley said that dreaming is for the courageous. I set the bar high in my head for the dreams I want to accomplish, with grace and dignity. I hear what my heart has to say, and its brave and bold, and I will follow. What's the latter? Really, do I have a choice? I'm not afraid of success, I will continue to get better, and I will seek motivation and inspiration from everyone around me.

If you don't take risks, you don't drink champagne. - Gary Kasparov

Texas Testosterone again at its finest, thats right, don't mess with my beer. Happy Thanksgiving yall -- hats off to the 48,000,000 projected turkeys that have found their way on to our tables.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

But over-zealous angels flap their wings too fast, And cause the wind to blow and turn the wheel at last

Lately in the 'long tail' world, the cool thing to do is to bash Jesus and compadres, in music, clothing, cocktail party conversations, and just general spatter. Don't get me wrong, I used to hop on this bandwagon, gleefully and say, yea! people have been mislead, this, that, and other typical rational thought sentiments, pffft, as if anyone knows.

Bashing GIVES RELEVANCE, and I've just now come to understand this, so what does it lead me to believe? I want to be a crusader for the truth, and yea, its one of the avenues I pursue, along with science, philosophy, art, empirical evidence, etc.

If you check out the 90 second history of all religions, you'll see a fascinating show of how Christianity and Islam are the best 'marketers' or 'witnesses' for their cause. Hell, I like them all, lots of interesting stuff conjured up by man himself, and the times interpretation of divine intervention, and to turn a blind eye to any of these stuff is simply wrong. :)

Which brings us to the 'inch deep, mile wide' way I live my life, and I rely on everyone around me to bring me their truth, I feel like I ask the right questions, and I've found out thankfully at a young age that life is to short to discount anything, and its a personal imperative to question everything. In my opinion, this doesn't make me a victim to anything, especially laziness.

Bro-in-law left a comment that said Richard Feynman (great man) said in physics, the closer you get to fact, the less likely it is to be true. This is why I'm weary of people who are absolutely certain in their convictions, weather it be clergy, science, political figures, and especially the belligerent jackass at the bar.

A lot of it is about putting brain cells towards what you believe is right, and not doing it with venom. I do this, and I'm confident in my convictions, but you can never be sure.

I've been at peace spiritually in my life for a fair amount of time now, I think not only is it a choice, but vital and essential to mankind. Curiosity and open-ness is the key.

Friday, November 16, 2007

The future is just a word, that's how I recall it, The Past is Much More Present in Our Yawning

Holy toledo, the song 'Wet Ground', extremely deep, extremely meaningful, and if I had a clue about the charisma of Bergen Norwegians, snow and sentimentality, this is the sound I'd peg them with, and I think I'd be right in accessing the undercurrent of their thoughts. How's that for a run-on sentence?

I think you'll find it in a handful of cities on this side of the pond, people actually knowing the backing vocals. Every time I hear this song it makes me feel and think something differently, and I'm sure I've listened to this song more than he's played it.

The opener, Dan Wilson, old lead singer of Semisonic, who I recall seeing in 96 or 97, and I remember Ashley B loved his hip shaking. He sang closing time, introduced it as the song about your kid that sucks, even though its the 'most important' song you've ever written, and the rest of the band doesn't want to be assholes and say it sucks. The blast from the past was perfect for the opening act, and his solo stuff is really good too :)

Thursday, November 15, 2007

You've Got to Stand for Something Or You'll Fall For Anything

One of my heroes came out for the guy I want to win president. On what premise? The ability to answer a simple question. Think of your favorite politician, and if they can't give a straight answer to a simple question, you're playing the role of a politician and not a pragmatist who's main goal is to overcome.

Sure the politics is gummed up beyond belief, I'd say its the erosion of an empire, and that's not my 'left wing blame America' attitude talking, but rather looking Nero burning Rome while the senate had a finger up their a$.

I vote my conscious on who I think will sway the boat at least in the right direction away from lobbyists, limit senator terms, bring back the pocket veto, you know, all that common sense jazz that's been lost in the shuffle.

I haven't heard Clinton give a clear answer on even a simple question. I don't want another Bush, nor do I want another Clinton in the White House. I thought keeping the same surname in power over and over was reserved for Monarchy not Democracy.

I want someone who understands technology, and I also want cheap trips to Europe: I want that candidate that can give me back that.

Consequently, I'll be at the Obama rally in ATX on Saturday if anyone wants to join.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Dressed Up to the Eyes, It's a Wonderful Surprise, To See Your Shoes and Your Spirits Rise

Many parts of my day / life I see through a surreal lens, and by golly I like it that way. For instance, this morning I'm rollin' up in an army base, and I have The Cure playing, the head goes silly. I think, this is an interesting canvas around me set to the music. It's rainy day music to go with complicated and intricate agendas, in life, love, aspirations.

It's kinda like a typical Bruns family get together that includes turkey, dressing, yams, fajitas, hot sauce, corn tortillas, guacamole and brisket all other things that 'go with' it. It's saying, 'bring on the pot luck.' I love pot luck, and I don't see why more people don't engage this mentality towards their lives, is the security and stability they crave better than my 'leap and the net will appear' approach?

I think about why I like Minnesota, and a flurry of things instantly come to my head, and rather than bore everyone with these sentiments, I'll say the best attributes we have going is that we can talk through things, and we're patient with each other. Communication and patience I've learned is key to starting out any successful endeavor that amounts to something meaningful. A wise old Ryan from Shiner once told me to understand the nature of what I'm getting into, and put the bar right there. This is much easier to 'set' when people are forward and frank with each other, and get down to the gusto when the gusto needs to be gotten down to.

Already we've weathered quite a few storms, some hail, some tornadoes, a hurricane or two and the waves have landed on friendly shores. Compromise, naw, none of that nonsense, that's the stuff that wimpy 'college trys' are good for. The things we disagree on we (sometimes painstakingly) talk through, and we come out clean on the other side, with a nice gleam and lemon sent to us, maybe on a beach or something like this.

If things don't work out, its not going to be because we didn't try, I've already yanked my ace and I know what I'm getting into, and as Semisonic would say, I'm "Feeling Strangely Fine."

Lets Just Say, There Are the Long Days, There is this Dumb Luck, There is a Brand New Way Opening Up

Action packed weekend I'm making a feeble attempt at cataloging.

Minnesota comes to Texas, its freezing up there, hot as the dickens down here. First things first, snap a picture in front of the Alamo, then head to Austin.

I actually like that Crockett Hotel in the back of the Alamo, it looks like a really cool place. The Alamo, ahhhh, one of the first signs of good ol' Texan testosterone.

Somewhere in the middle of the weekend we rolled over to Bernie's to check out random cool stuff.

Antics from the Elephant Room before the Lyrics Born show. the place was hoppin'.

Ashley and her crazy hand tat. She was doing a show that night and was all dressed up cool.

Me and Mike D taking our customary 'mean looking' picture. It was Mike D's birthday last Saturday, happy belated to him :)

Abbey and Jen, boy I love this picture of these two sistas, they are sooo funny.

Then it was time for a Gman / Jeannie bday celebration. How about starting with a picture of Deb and Gman.

Followed by a cake with 84 candles, like Jamie said, CALL THE FIRE DEPT! Kudos to Jamie on the cake :)

Do they have enough air in their lungs to blow that beast out?

Mummy and Jamie

Mr Ghetto shorts and Jolen

Mr Ghetto shorts, Jolen and gang signs

Gman laying by the Beck's minikeg

and finally, GMAN with all the loot :) --

More elaboration to come on all this, at some point one of these years.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Like a story-book ending, I'm lost in your charms

This past week I rambled through Colbert's book, cause it seems like the cool thing to do these days, and the ultimate 'one liner' in the book, is.....Ayn Rand could kick Shakespeare's ass in a bar fight. How true is that.

My ears have been filled with The Beautiful South, another one of those damn 'panzy bands.' I listen to them all the time, for the longest time. The only time and only person that has been able to see me 'in my element' was Ashley B. Getting constantly scoffed because people can't see past the 'adult contemporary-ness' of them and to the real meat, it was refreshing to drive up to Oxford with an English buddy and jam the band, and sing.

One of those two hour memories that are vivid in my mind. One day, perish the thought of having kids, but a typical 'Friday night,' I'd love to pull up a map and go, here's where Crowded House is from, here's where The Beatles are from, Bob Marley, Toten Hosen, Gorky Park, etc, etc, etc, and the list goes on and on. I'd love to try the Suzuki Method too.

I'm in a quote sort of mood, google searched 'the best quote in the world' and got ten

Love. —The Prophets

Know thyself. —Socrates

Inches make champions. —Vince Lombardi

Nothing gold can stay. —Robert Frost

Work is love made visible. —Kahlil Gibran

No great thing is created suddenly. —Epictetus (A.D.200)

Well done is better than well said. —Benjamin Franklin

No wind favors he who has no destined port. —Montaigne

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. —Seneca

Do first things first, and second things not at all.
—Peter Drucker.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Like a Hero or The Champion, You are the Best, You're the Best, Like Religion or Superstition, With You I am Blessed, With You I am Blessed

Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals, boy do I have a love hate relationship with these boys. I see Allman Brothers, E-streets, Price, Marvin Gay, and Lenny all rolled up in one package.

I guess the reason they're in San Antonio was Bass Concert Hall in Austin was booked for the evening, at any rate, the crowd is totally different, at one point, boy yells out 'come see us in Austin' and 3/4 of the crowd start cheering.

Highlight was the Bill Withers 'Use Me' cover, and the dynamics, and the steel, and the....well, you get the point, pretty damn good show.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

In vast oceans of air that will mess up his hair, Though he no longer cares anymore

I could write a dissertation on what goes on in your mind when you're a pudgy on the cusp of middle age out of shape computer programmer writing a 100 k bike ride. You think about yourself, your ambitions and the dreaded question of 'why am i out here on a Saturday morning testing my body like this'

You could be doing a lot of things, and you can make up a lot of excuses for not doing something out of your comfort zone, I choose not to make those excuses. I've lived by the Chinese proverb, time is a made thing, to say you don't have time, means you don't want to. Challenging yourself makes everyone around you a better person, and as long as these crusty bones of mine can endure, I'm there!

Well here's me and my bud W3, rolling down the streets, my top speed was 33 mph.

Getting late as I post this beast, lets just say that at the 'finish line' I felt like I was going to barf, body wasn't sore, and as I type this the following day, its remarkable that my body isn't in shambles, must be all that milk I've been drinking lately.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Blame it on the Black Star, Blame it on the Falling Sky, Blame it on the Satellite, That Beams Me Home

Gee wiz, I'm finding it harder and harder to blog each and every day. I've avoiding religious and political commentary, and for the first time in a long time I'm putting for par on the self inflicted misery-o-meter.

So, I can say, knowing yourself is power, having a deep understanding of yourself is amazing. I find something new out about myself all the time, tonight, I've come to the conclusion a lot of the things I do are 'ghetto.'

I'm riding my bike this evening, a considerable investment in bike, gloves, shoes, hat, shorts, etc. I roll out all the time still in a rebellious fashion. When you're going 30 on a bike you can fall and jack yourself up pretty good, and my attire on the bike ride, WELL, lets just say it ain't no Lance Armstrong, especially after a brisk 10 mile ride, lovely BO.

Well I ride through the southeast side for greater 'motivation', the sides where killings are one a day plus iron. I really like the mobile upload for facebook, really cool stuff, blackberry to facebook flawlessly.

Speaking of which, I must have Google backlash here. I think their 'open social' initiative isn't going to work because the 'identity piece' hasn't been figure out, hence can you say porn bot open social friends? Straying more and more away from core competencies, blogger ain't changed a bit in forever, I'm looking at moving to the end of the day they are a bonafid advertising agency with a great search service, yahoo and msft will catch up and the pie will be split at least 3 ways. How about Mozilla hopping in bed with Google, I feel like it proves the whole 'open' ideology isn't really all that it's cut out to be. It is inevitable that the boys from Google will be trading in the free lobster dinners for Subway someday, I'm not a hater, just a realist.

Hype keeps a lot of things inflated, hell it keeps some cities inflated, like the one I used to live in. It's great if you can sustain it, otherwise the impending 'bust' will occur. I guess in a flat world Billy Bob technologist can work anywhere he wants to. Hype keeps the dreaded stock market higher than ever while the housing market is in a bust, dollar is at a all time low EVERYWHERE, and oil just hit 96 bucks a barrel.

Big impressions on SA thus far, terrible roads, lots of homeless, lots of multi-cultural people around the Alamo, lots of stupid tourist BS around it too, car getting broken into while its 13 feet from where I'm sleeping is a bit alarming (literally), and it's tooled for the family life.

There are what to me are surreal situations around me here, and I really do enjoy putting them all into perspective.