Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I Was Never Cool In School, I'm Sure You Don't Remember Me

Tonight speaks of the fine line between insecurity and disinterest. When I was young I always thought what I felt was insecurity; Insecurity at other peoples clothes, other peoples girls, money, fancy cocktail parties, 'nice houses' and often thoughts and ideologies held by others. Now that I'm all grown up, I feel more as if it was just a genuine disinterest the whole time, and the insecurity has turned into pride, and it isn't going back to the pumpkin at midnight.

A friend of mine once told me, you have to read 'Rules for Radicals,' something I picked up, read a few pages and said, wait, radicals (or deviants as I like to call them) don't need rules, for they are the ones who make the rules. Generally speaking, the innovators pave the road we drive on, while the imitators write books and papers on it.

What made me think about this tonight, I'm standing in line at Whataburger waiting for my double cheeseburger, mustard only, the cashier gave me a smile but I was shy and looked down, so down, just as Ben Folds said it in the song Underground. It came to me, I wasn't insecure, just disinterested but obviously in a kind way.

I think a lot of people spend their 'brain downtime' thinking about things. I surely do, and tonight a lot of things just sorta came to me, the point when all thoughts come together.

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