Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Somewhere In My Wicked Miserable Past, There Must Have Been a Moment of Truth

The existential vacuum, something that I've found out I've grappled with forever, finally put into words. What does it mean? Good question, still parsing through it, however, its one of those damn foundational building block elements that you have to find out the find your soul and all that.

Logotherapy is the name of the game, fascinating stuff, basically put means, that everything has meaning despite the circumstances, and humans who transcend themselves are truly self actualized. Damn wouldn't it be great to be there one day.

Don't really know how to categorize it all, but isn't it really cool to know that all the temptations in life are part of a vacuum you have inside of you, and once you just 'cut to the chase' with yourself, things begin to get better. It's kinda like playing a game of Civilization, when you're attacking people, things don't progress, but if you make harmony with your neighbors and your cities, hence yourself, things progress at a better pace, both life and time.

It's kinda like a cheesy crowded house lyric, 'into temptation, knowing for well the earth will rebel, into temptation, straight to the wide open arms of hell.' We only suffer hell if we choose to let it get the best of us, there is always the upshot, we can choose to take it or we can choose not.

T.S. Eliot said anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity. I totally agree with this, so as life 'settles down', where in the hell do you find your next level of anxiety? I think there is a good anxious and a bad one, I've entered a phase of 'good anxiety.' I roll into work nowadays and its balls to the wall work that day, then the next, self enrichment stuff like crazy, and I've come to love it.

I love chillin' these days, I really can't believe it, but it feels good just to veg out with a nice cup of green tea and a book. I've traded some anxiety for some focus, and the trade-off is great.

Stay tuned, I'm going to get a camera soon, hopefully this expensive beast, and I'll take take pictures of my surroundings. (for those of you who like pictures and lunch menus on the blog better than philosophy) *BIG SMILE*

Monday, January 21, 2008

Just Waiting for That Cold Black Sun-Cracked Numb-Inside Soul of Mine to Come Alive

Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl, perhaps the best 'self help' book on the shelves, I find the pages soothing every time I pick it up. The search for meaning is paramount in the quest of human motivation.

I35, a road that is vast, a road that goes through Texas all the way up to Minnesota, a key 'binding' road for San Antonio, New Braunfles, Austin, Minneapolis and Duluth. A brilliant idea, Eisenhower wanted to be able to land airplanes on these things in case of war, hence I think every 3 miles or so has to be straight. Straight, curves, fast lanes, slow lanes, changing lanes, changing vehicles, changing weather, from city to city, just like the plight of a relationship, it's all a balancing act.

Photo courtesy of Aya via Japan

She's up that road, about 1,300 miles away --

Sunday, January 20, 2008

I Watched the Ice Melt on the Glass, While the Elegant Young Pilgrims Pass

I used to be in the boat of watching ice glass, while the pilgrims pass. I used to let the moment define me, I used to think much more 'left brained.' However you want to articulate the 'catch phrases,' there have always been 'pilgrims.'

Borrowing from the book I'm reading, we go from monkeys to farmers to factory workers to information workers and now into a conceptual age.

These pilgrims have always been around, from the age of the diggers, who were the first to form agrarian societies, and I'm sure there were progressives before them. Commonly we think of pilgrims who were the 'friends' with the Indians, now I see what the history books didn't go deep enough to see back in the day. These were are radical and progressive groups 'dumped off' here in America, regular society didn't per se, want them around. These folks formed the foundation of our country, and the 'rest' of the people watching the ice on the glass just filled in the blanks.

These were the doctors, lawyers, business persons, etc that every society needs to function. There's always been wealth in these functions, but on the onset of new ideas and the shift of culture, there's not as much 'prestigue' for them. These detailed professionals don't really like the jar to be shaken. What do you mean my Harvard Law degree isn't what its all shaken up to be?

The book linked above also talks of abundance, Asia, and automation, and what that is going to do to conventional learning, leadership, and organization. OOOO, it's coming, and I stand to gain a lot from it, because as I read the pages, I nod in accordance, and I'm even able to go gee, know this stuff, I'm going to browse ahead a bit.

I've always had this not-so-warm-and-fuzzy feeling for doctors, lawyers, etc, etc, and I feel I'm beginning to understand it a bit better. There is not a whole lot of subjective thinking in these disciplines, you're either guilty or innocent, you get what you want or don't, you're alive or dead, etc. Much proof now exists that a proper diagnosis of a patient is not knowing the 'big I'm smart and shit' books, but talking to the patient for an hour or two and getting back history, case by case type shit, more empathy and all that jazz. I know this to be true when there's a rash on my mom's arms, and the big city doctor 'cant figure it out,' while the small town general practitioner gets closer to the reasons of this mystery by talking. Lawyers, damn heathens a dime a dozen I say, fuckin' stats show you what you want to see.

Why the contempt for lawyers? 9 times out of ten I feel they impede progress, and the ones who appeal to emotions and are the most organized usually win, you don't learn that in law school. Or maybe OJ was innocent.

Despite all the contempt for lawyers, I know integrators (integrating lawyers as well) are the key, people like Billy Bragg who understand that people 'take abstract notions and put them into nationhood,' and many other examples in all of the disiplines. Living life as a metaphor, and getting good at that, that's the key, in fact I'm going to twitter any metaphors I can think of in the coming months as I think of them.

Where is this post going? There are progressives in the modern day, Cory Doctorow, Cuban, the freakonomics boys, Robert Scoble, I've tapped into their nerve like so many others, and riding the wave.

I don't know if the 'one of these days' moments I dream about will come, but I'm preparing in the meantime, that's what 'it' and 'they' say to do, internal and external voices of success.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Play me the Waltz of the Angels, And I'll close my eyes and pretend, So I can dance with my angel again

Two things have been pretty consistent with my musical preferences, and that is sad and sappy. There's something to be said about exposure to those feelings.

I had a chance to see the Derailers last Friday night, but after a big ol' plate full of fajitas and a big bud light, I was kaput. The changing of the guard has officially taken place, and the temptation of free jager bombs all night *probably* couldn't even keep me out all night. Interesting fact of life, when I hit 30, those hangovers HURT REALLY BAD, and looking around I realize, hey I'm still that dude out partying.!? That's both good and bad I suppose.

This band means so much to me, one of those bands you look back at when you were a kid (in college) and go wow, I used to jam Reverb Deluxe like a madman late at night rolling through the streets of Shiner. I remember hot summer nights, windows rolled down, nothing to do or see, just alone with your thoughts and your music.

I love those days, and I love the times when your head isn't clouded with the white noise of the world. I've come to understand hard work gets you ahead. You can work for this or that place, or you can do this or that, or you can have cool business cards, or you can talk the good talk, but at the end of the day, that conversation you have with yourself is the one that counts.

With the exception of the last few nights being sick as a dog (remember for the blog -- worse headache in my life, CEDAR is 5th highest it's ever been on record), I sit on this crusty couch left behind in a bare apartment, just me and my laptop and silence. Some would say depressing, but I think the contrary. What does that allow me to do? It allows me time for myself, time for self-enrichment, time for reading, talking to friends, going for a stroll around the neighborhood, or finding random free sh*t to do around town, or the default plan, just go hang out around the Alamo and see how many different languages you can spot.

Since I'm comfortable with myself, I feel as if life has options. I've taken to another option down the street, where I hope to have a semi-better standard of living and job autonomy. At my last job, I've vowed to always leave my current place of employment on the upswing. Well, its that time, the time that balances the level of achievement with the level of frustration.

What can I say about hopping around, I'm excited, I love it, I feel like a learn valuable 'stuff' being mobile, as I try to become business and technology agnostic, which in all things digital seems to be the way to go. Empirical knowledge caves in to the progressive turd bucket that comes in the door with a fresh outlook.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Roswell - The Series

Never liked Dawson's Creek or any of those shows. The people had too much drama, it was fake, so far fetched that it wasn't even entertaining. However, I can handle the drama when there are aliens involved.

Today I watched the final episode of Roswell, the series I started six months ago, and I must say I think its brilliant. Following Max, Mike and the gang around the 3 seasons made me happy. When Liz goes away to boarding school and they play the Travis tune 'More Than Us,' it sealed the deal for me.

Season 1 - Not too many people know of the aliens, great irony and suspense.

Season 2 - Too many 'activities' happening in Roswell, the show starts to implode, not to mention too many people know about the aliens.

Season 3 - Just gets silly, everyone knows, everyone is suspicious, the chicks wear skimpier clothes.

Regardless, the series ends good, damn good, the path that took us to New Mexico, Indian lands and paranormal activity and teen drama comes to an end. Now time to watch Season one of Cheers, which my sista got me for Christmas.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Stop Children What's that Sound Everybody Look What's Goin' Round

There is something big going on in politics right now, something new, fresh, and something for people like myself to get excited about. Something that stands out. Last night the other night I was one of the 20,000 people to give.

When the history books are written, which side of that coin are you going to be on? When people come together, they can do extraordinary things.
Read the email below

Something unexpected happened the day after the New Hampshire primary.

More than 20,000 people donated to our campaign online. That's the most ever in a single day.

In the first nine days of 2008, more than 75,000 donors gave online, and at least half of them had never given before. Just like we saw in Iowa and New Hampshire, in record numbers, our time for change has come.

Those new donors decided to step up and own a piece of this campaign right now, at this pivotal moment in history. Now, we're within striking distance of an almost unimaginable goal:

100,000 donors before the Nevada caucuses on January 19th.

You're one of the 75,000 who gave in the past nine days, and I can't thank you enough for your generosity. We would not be here without you.

But hundreds of thousands of supporters haven't stepped up this year.

It's up to you to convince them.

So we have a unique opportunity for you. If you promise to make another donation today, your gift will be used to match the gift of a first-time donor for this year.

By matching someone's donation, you will double your impact. But more importantly, you'll reactivate a supporter from last year or bring someone new into our movement.

You have a chance to inspire someone to get more deeply involved or encourage someone to get involved for the first time.

Make a donation of $50 today and help grow our movement:

Today, I am in South Carolina with my good friend, Senator John Kerry.

Our organization here is building up very quickly thanks to grassroots supporters like you. Senator Kerry endorsed our campaign at an event this morning, and the energy and excitement was just like what we were feeling in Iowa and New Hampshire.

Tomorrow, I'm headed to Nevada, where the endorsement of the Culinary Workers Union has given us another boost of momentum. We are building the same kind of strong, professional caucus team that we had in Iowa.

Together, we can make this happen, and I appreciate your support.

Our campaign has been warned against offering people false hope.

But in the American story, there has never been anything false about hope.

Your recent support for this campaign is proof of this hope -- amazing, overwhelming hope.

And your promise to match a first-time donor is a way to inspire hope in another supporter.

Make a matching donation of $50 now:

Nevada is the next stop on our road to change.

Let's get there 100,000 strong.

This is the Way the World Ends, Not with a Bang but a Whimper

T.S. Eliot has a line for everything.

Here's what I'm going to have trouble understanding. Hillary Clinton's 'famous' 'The United States is in peril and I don't want it to fall speech, in which she lets out a little whimper of passion that then unites a debate of 'is it real, is it not', and launches a tirade of women everywhere going 'you go girl' and turning it into a 'heart vs mind' thing and having the potential to spark gender debates everywhere. I take the 'I don't want us to fall' as a really conceited thing to say, all gender aside, its a statement of POWER, as if ....Hillary, are you going to save us!??! as if...

Being a moderate, I try to stay on point, and the point is.....Do you want Hillary and Bill to stand back up, back to the 'old days' in which partisan division was greater than ever before? Do you want someone abrasive and condescending about this division, and someone engaging in 'hardball' with the opposite political spectrum?

What is reasonable here, seriously, it's not a matter of being proud of someone, its not a matter of political rhetoric, and if the emotion card is played, you can't play it both ways and expect their not the be questions on the posturing.

All things said, which politician on the left lead the way to gain accolades for the party, and which is swift on their feet and has proved this numerous times.

At the end of this day and debate, its not about the person with 'experience' and 'the right person for THIS job', its the person who re-defines what the metrics of the job are, while still adhering to the meat and potatoes bill of rights.

Re-definition is exactly what the country needs, get a familiar surname in there, same partisan bickering, not problems solved, and I'm going to move to Acapulco and stuff ram into computers and fix dial up modems for the rest of my life living in a grass hut on the beach.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Funny like the bomb between my teeth when we kiss, You pulled out the pin with your own sweet lips

First time for 'real snow' in 20 years! A therapeutic visit to Jolen in the frosty north. Loads of pictures, here are a few for the hallowed pages of the blog. For millions more, join facebook and check them out.

My first wiff of cold air, I'm like 'holy sh*t' is this for real? For the first few days it snowed, it was amazing and beautiful, and cold I must say. Luckily I was met with a handmade scarf and hat (for an extremely big head!). Jolen said it took a mighty big ball of twine to knit that, and she even had to go above and beyond the call of the design to accommodate my big ass noggin.

My first ever snow angel. My big wide-load behind sure did displace a lot of snow. Notice the snow pants, big jacket, nice boots.

Its International Falls, the icebox of the nation. Here it was around -10, and boy can you feel it. Sure can't take a deep breathe of air when its that cold, or maybe I just wasn't doing it right.

The road going to International Falls, right on the Canadian border. When the snow blew over the road, I was getting nervous as the Chevy rolled over it. Yea, I'm totally not used to anything.

Duluth, an amazing city, great vibe, really nice all around. Here's a lift bridge, we're out there around midnight and lucky enough to see a ship go under. The road raises, ship goes under. Only one other like that in the world, I think it's in France.

My first experience with walleye, not the most memorable, but I hear when its fresh, its hard to beat. Don't I just look rich and dignified with that scarf on?

I like these pictures, but Jolen is often off to the side. Here I was resting my tired ass from trudging through the snow. Notice the hat, reversible too!

Duluth, warmer by the lake festival. Check out all the people sledding down the hill. We did this on New Years Eve.

Finally, we did a tad bit of ice skating. I had extremely bad skates, Jolen is a skate ninja.

All around great vibe as we covered nearly 800 miles of terrain in Minnesota. Here, There, and Everywhere.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Well my eyes look like a map of the town, And my teeth are either yellow or theyre brown

Find a blog out there that combines a Beautiful South lyric about pretty eyes and commentary on tacos and I'll give anyone a hundred bucks.

tonight we talk about an important topic..... TACOS!!!

What happens is we have 3 fast food taco places that compete for that spare tire area around your waist, I like em' all three and here's what I think about them in general.

Taco Bell --- Well what can I say, I once had a shot of absinthe, not the wussy stuff but the real stuff back in the old country, and I told myself sitting in taco bell one time as I stared at a piece of taco meat lying on the floor. You know, I'd rather eat that piece of meat lying down there than ever take a straight shot of the green fairy drink again. Nevertheless, I love the grilled stuffed burrito with the fire sauce, minus the fiesta salsa and Baja salsa. I'm still trying to figure out what kinda preservatives they put in the chips there, because they just don't look normal but man do they taste good.

Taco Cabana -- This is the 'good stuff.' When I was a young lad traveling to V-Town to drive relentlessly around a parking lot poll in Walgreens for kicks, I used to eat here and thought the fajitas were expensive at 7 bucks a pop. But damn, they were good. Now that I've got developed tastes, I think their salsa bar sucks, the queso is comical, and the tacos have become microscopic in size and it takes me 14 bucks to get full off the limited supply of meat. But that doesn't stop mummy from tearing up some chicken quesidillas (or however you spell that) every time I head home.

and the newcomer for the area

Taco Bueno -- Damn I LOVE THIS PLACE! It's plain jane, but 3 things totally stick out.....TORTILLA SOUP that rocks, tamales that are great covered with chili con carne, and most importantly, the salsa / goodies bar is far superior than any other around. Plus, for about 7 bucks I've had my fill. Nice job guys, you have my patronage. :)

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

and the ones who run this land help the poor and common man

General Ramblings on Politics

For the Democrats, its not about determination, its about getting a fresh face in there, and not fighting the same battles that were fought in the 90's.

1 -- Its amazing the dynamics of this country, how Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina can predict the leader of the free world.

2 -- It's amazing a 'good turnout' is still less than 5-10 percent of the population

3 -- I love women and I want a woman president, but I don't want one that rides on the coat tails of the tired past.

4 -- I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but there is something with Clinton's and the media.

5 -- I like grassroots campaigns, they are more inclusive of people in general. 500,000 people giving 25 bucks each is better than a couple dozen 'hillraisers' giving a million bucks each.

6 -- For the young at mind and young at spirit, what's exciting, that's what you need to ask yourself.

Most problems are so big, all it is is political rhetoric, vote for the person who is the most binding one.

Regardless of party, race and gender, change is what we should vote for, that won't happen with a divided nation with a Clinton in office, and for the first time in my life, I'll vote Republican.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

post pending

back to reality, posts to come