Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Somewhere In My Wicked Miserable Past, There Must Have Been a Moment of Truth

The existential vacuum, something that I've found out I've grappled with forever, finally put into words. What does it mean? Good question, still parsing through it, however, its one of those damn foundational building block elements that you have to find out the find your soul and all that.

Logotherapy is the name of the game, fascinating stuff, basically put means, that everything has meaning despite the circumstances, and humans who transcend themselves are truly self actualized. Damn wouldn't it be great to be there one day.

Don't really know how to categorize it all, but isn't it really cool to know that all the temptations in life are part of a vacuum you have inside of you, and once you just 'cut to the chase' with yourself, things begin to get better. It's kinda like playing a game of Civilization, when you're attacking people, things don't progress, but if you make harmony with your neighbors and your cities, hence yourself, things progress at a better pace, both life and time.

It's kinda like a cheesy crowded house lyric, 'into temptation, knowing for well the earth will rebel, into temptation, straight to the wide open arms of hell.' We only suffer hell if we choose to let it get the best of us, there is always the upshot, we can choose to take it or we can choose not.

T.S. Eliot said anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity. I totally agree with this, so as life 'settles down', where in the hell do you find your next level of anxiety? I think there is a good anxious and a bad one, I've entered a phase of 'good anxiety.' I roll into work nowadays and its balls to the wall work that day, then the next, self enrichment stuff like crazy, and I've come to love it.

I love chillin' these days, I really can't believe it, but it feels good just to veg out with a nice cup of green tea and a book. I've traded some anxiety for some focus, and the trade-off is great.

Stay tuned, I'm going to get a camera soon, hopefully this expensive beast, and I'll take take pictures of my surroundings. (for those of you who like pictures and lunch menus on the blog better than philosophy) *BIG SMILE*

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