Wednesday, December 31, 2008

No fire where I lit my spark, I am not afraid of the dark

Seth G says it best, "I don't like New Year's. Faux merriment, excessive drinking, ridiculous resolutions and general malaise. Not to mention Dick Clark."

Life is a journey, expectations change along the way --To whom, for whom, with whom all gets blended in, very important in the crusade of life.

-- Where I'm From (past)

I have a buddy that always asks me about my parents, how I grew up, and the psychoanalysis goes from there. In short, he says there's no way I grew up in rural Texas, and I say why the heck not? On my jog tonight I go past the cemetery where my old man is buried. I think about the memories, growing up under the circumstances of Dad being sick most of mine and his life. It was an opportunity to both give and receive love, a way to come to grips and exorcise bitterness from my life at a young age.

Growing up my expectations were the following (highlights)
  1. that the doc's would reduce the suffering dad had to endure (social pressures didn't bother me one bit)
  2. marry the first girl I fell in love with
  3. experience life after high school, go to college on my shitty SAT score, get a computer job
The rest was the great wide open --

-- The journey I've chosen (present)

Traveling, heartbreak, reading and imagination set me on the course of discovery. I can easily decipher what's an end, and what's a means to an end. My 'bucket list' so to speak is literally out of this world.

Current expectations
  1. common decency to people i know and meet, and especially between people who are supposed to love each other
  2. obtain a deep understanding of the connectedness of the world, social-political-geographical-religious-financial
  3. give further definition to my faith, and keep it alive
Future expectations and more to end state

The reoccurring sentiment best described by the presidents of the usa (not really presidents, but the band...) --" old man on the back porch, old man on the back porch, old man on the back porch and that, old man is me."......"happy with no teeth, happy here in hibernation" -- sure that plays into it, but i'll surely be workin' till my days are done, hopefully more on what i want.

Long term exceptions (contradictory as portrayed in bullet points, but clear in my head)
  1. to be loved
  2. to experience true freedom (from myself, from others, from society)
Yea, write it all down will I -- I think about it all (the whole why we are here, and what do we need to do), as life changes and feel that it's helped me put most things into perspective, and for the most part, has made things like sifting through technology a breeze.

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