Friday, July 31, 2009

This is believe me music, this is forget me music This is who can love me you know, this aint no roxy music

in a nutshell, living out shines a spotlight on the difficulty i have living under conventional circumstances.

sure there are concrete walls everywhere, the bed sucks, dust and sand everywhere, the food fluctuates, and the days are short, months are long.

back home are relationships, commutes, politics and media and all you can eat.

life is exciting and meaningful, both the beauty and the struggle is in the little details.

lots of pop psychology and philosophy floating around in my head, too tired to organize --

Friday, July 17, 2009

beer in my lap, one window down, bird in the tree, kiss on the mouth

Lots of time for introspection in the desert, working the noon to midnight shift, a ritual of mine is hanging out facing the airport over a man made lake, looking at the planes and helicopters flying around.
Thinking about history, what always went down in the books was were the civilizations 'rubbed', not the Greek guy chillin out eating grapes, BUT, I've learned to understand how to cherish those least mentally.
The world turns while you're out here, I have very little baggage or obligation in life and I still feel it -- I can't imagine how families must *cope* with being away from each other.
Phases one goes through, denial, anger, acceptance -- I'm beyond the acceptance phase and have reached the phase of pragmatism in wanting to get something done, both for the job and personally.
The late nights remind me of the dreary fast paced nostalgia I lived months ago. Life has done a 180, I'm doing the time to empower myself to do extraordinary things with my life. At times its hard, but at the same time this is the perfect catalyst for me to dot the i's and cross the t's in my life, and straighten the bowling pins before knocking them down again.
I've consistently been hard on others, perhaps moreso than myself in life, I've really come to realize that out here. I've judged so much and still do, I go about thinking, wow, 'they're settling.' A better way to look at things is 'they are just framing their realities in a different way.'
Reality has lost 'center' for me, and many parts of me are glad that this has happened, I'm in a minset of minute by minute growth. I feel I have to re-define what conventional means to me and for me so I can bring others into the equation.
This has been on repeat the last few days -- I Was a Fool by Roman Candle
Out in the evening past the bridge and below
frogs and cicadas left and right growling low.
I've spent so much time round here when spring is done
been here a thousand times, not heard a single one.
Birds in the morning while I'm shoveling the snow
coffee pot wheezing soft as my stereo
All of the things I've had whether I've known or not
All of the things I've known and then somehow forgot
When I was young riding around
beer in my lap, one window down
bird in the tree, kiss on the mouth
I thought that I had figured it out
I was a fool. Then I met you.
Dusk was the longest hour when I was a kid.
Beautiful things sometimes can seem pretty hid.
Funny the things that make you want to walk the land
are the things sometimes you barely understand.
Found lots of crooked road before I found you
hard to curse any road but sometimes you do.
Feeling all strung out, drawn up from head to gut
I was calling out, I didn't know for what
When I was young riding around
beer in my lap, one window down
bird in the hand, kiss on the mouth
I thought that I had figured it out
All of these things so hard to find
up in my face, lost to my mind
hand on the knee, kiss on the mouth
I thought that I had figured it out
I was a fool.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

He's ahead of his time you know but, he cant use it - If only he could prove it

One of the 'most fun' things out here is water detail.  We make an assembly line out the building and proceed to bring 6 huge pallets of water outside the building to inside.  If the '12 packs' are extremely dirty, we feel like we haven't got our money's worth.
Planning a trip down the old silk road in China, on one of these , can't wait to go, meanwhile I'm reading about Republic of Letters.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Weary sun, sleep tonight, go crashing into the ocean, Cut the line that ties the tide and moon, ancient and blue

General Updates --
  1. The heat is much better than the dust, tomorrow the 'feels like ' index will be 138, its not describable
  2. Big difference between the sand and dust, dust is much worse
  3. one word, Jackyl, not the chainsaw solo band, but the animal, subject to many jokes around here concerning lonely soldiers, etc
  4. Seriously thinking about taking the 'chernobyl tour' when i'm done here, either in the winter next summer
  5. cd's are my best friend, if i have a new compilation a day, it brightens my day
  6. lots of opportunities i'll have leaving this place for sure, but opportunities are finding me here as well
Been very lucky to have met some lifelong buddies here, and very lucky to have several points of reference back home.  I'm used to this already, and for someone 'like me', it has been a feat.  It means not just getting along, but functioning and thriving in a mindset I'm far from accostomed to --
I miss a lot of folks back home, I often think about them, how it would be like if certain individuals were out here in the desert, and things spoiled people would complain about.
  1. irregular water flow and temperature
  2. coat of dust on everything 10 minutes after cleaning, a thick coat after a week
  3. long, long walks in the hot hot heat
  4. eating the same thing over and over and over and over
  5. driving / travelling conditions that are to the point where you'd rather NOT go anywhere
  6. staying inside ALL day b/c it isn't too bearable outside
  7. zero aesthetic, 5000 percent bizarre
  8. walking on a dark sidewalk seeing someone ahead of you thinking, are they going to go postal today?
  9. no 24 by 7 coverage of monkey trials or pop star funerals
The disparities, to the victors go the spoils
  1. ac ducts hanging out of our buildings equipped with generators and portable ac's, b/c its probably cheaper than fixing the existing french versions
  2. people throwing plate full of assorted stuff away while people starve in the distance
  3. having the gun that says, we see your missle, and we'll shoot it down before it hits anything
  4. Quran w/ Democracy, a question that has plagued western civilization, it ain't going to be answered anytime soon
  5. creative ways to have fun out here, many of these things are burned into my head already
  6. we do have a store, it has about 10 things in it, including a 20 dollar microfiber towel i dream about every day
Back in the day I wrote with a point, now I just ramble -- I have some points, just don't know how to make them, till then I'm poaching, hoping a jakyl doesn't piss on me --