Friday, July 17, 2009

beer in my lap, one window down, bird in the tree, kiss on the mouth

Lots of time for introspection in the desert, working the noon to midnight shift, a ritual of mine is hanging out facing the airport over a man made lake, looking at the planes and helicopters flying around.
Thinking about history, what always went down in the books was were the civilizations 'rubbed', not the Greek guy chillin out eating grapes, BUT, I've learned to understand how to cherish those times......at least mentally.
The world turns while you're out here, I have very little baggage or obligation in life and I still feel it -- I can't imagine how families must *cope* with being away from each other.
Phases one goes through, denial, anger, acceptance -- I'm beyond the acceptance phase and have reached the phase of pragmatism in wanting to get something done, both for the job and personally.
The late nights remind me of the dreary fast paced nostalgia I lived months ago. Life has done a 180, I'm doing the time to empower myself to do extraordinary things with my life. At times its hard, but at the same time this is the perfect catalyst for me to dot the i's and cross the t's in my life, and straighten the bowling pins before knocking them down again.
I've consistently been hard on others, perhaps moreso than myself in life, I've really come to realize that out here. I've judged so much and still do, I go about thinking, wow, 'they're settling.' A better way to look at things is 'they are just framing their realities in a different way.'
Reality has lost 'center' for me, and many parts of me are glad that this has happened, I'm in a minset of minute by minute growth. I feel I have to re-define what conventional means to me and for me so I can bring others into the equation.
This has been on repeat the last few days -- I Was a Fool by Roman Candle
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Out in the evening past the bridge and below
frogs and cicadas left and right growling low.
I've spent so much time round here when spring is done
been here a thousand times, not heard a single one.
Birds in the morning while I'm shoveling the snow
coffee pot wheezing soft as my stereo
All of the things I've had whether I've known or not
All of the things I've known and then somehow forgot
When I was young riding around
beer in my lap, one window down
bird in the tree, kiss on the mouth
I thought that I had figured it out
I was a fool. Then I met you.
Dusk was the longest hour when I was a kid.
Beautiful things sometimes can seem pretty hid.
Funny the things that make you want to walk the land
are the things sometimes you barely understand.
Found lots of crooked road before I found you
hard to curse any road but sometimes you do.
Feeling all strung out, drawn up from head to gut
I was calling out, I didn't know for what
When I was young riding around
beer in my lap, one window down
bird in the hand, kiss on the mouth
I thought that I had figured it out
All of these things so hard to find
up in my face, lost to my mind
hand on the knee, kiss on the mouth
I thought that I had figured it out
I was a fool.

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