Saturday, November 14, 2009

round the world round the world is a tangled up necklace of pearls

The Woodface album was on rotation during my inclined run at the gym.  It's amazing the texture of a good love song, Neil Finn has it down better than most.  It's even got some pesky digs at us AmericansTime on Earth proves to occupy the same themes, with a wonderful baby grand telling half the story.
Mark Twain (who's now haunting the Mighty Mississippi with Jeff Buckley) once said that history doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme.
I've been doin' this bloggin thing pretty heavy for years now which has included a mish mosh of thinly disguised idealistic and egotistical blather.  I've always explore concepts of love to the same end, going off in some complicated metaphor of self knowing and knowing what I want with an underlying tone and action of self sabotage.  It's perspiration, that's for sure, and I definitely and defiantly back myself in a corner with idealism, and I probably alienate those who care about me the most -- *thinking about my sisters here* -- They probably read some of this stuff and go, yea, don't know what to tell ya.
I've spent my entire professional life aggressively pursuing a desired end state, an end state in which the journey was never the end destination.  Today it occurs to me I've never really put myself in a position to succeed at intimacy.  I used to think before you loved anyone else you had to love yourself; this has been proven a fallacy due to the loving yourself has a selfish connotation, the kind that doesn't promote a unity of sorts.  The new thought, you never know love till you surrender to it, I know in the future that that check box needs to be checked before hitting purchase, no exceptions, little looking back.
End state in intimacy allows personal battles to be fought where they need to be fought.
Bar hopping and fraternizing seems to be the same as channel surfing with 57 channels and nothing on, so the cliche goes, it'll come when you least expect it, etc, etc, etc -- Something I've found to be a fallacy, if you want it, you have to pursue it, aggressively if need be, throw out the skip in the record, throw out the victim, throw out preconceived notions, and most of all throw out all excuses and execute.
Looking at my friends and family, great people who got it down, I always use y'all as an example, you have taken the fight to other areas in life, living and loving it in tandem.  To those of you who are there, I salute you, its a long hard road, but fulfilling and new, providing that foundation to build empire (if you so choose to).
Things will change when I'm back in the free world, I figure this out as I go, I like John and Paul's rhyme and I like their history, and I want my history to repeat itself.  I'm a sentimental guy and I'll get that back, but it's going to require me moving past the Revolver and Rubber Soul portion of my life and on to Sergeant Pepper, and infinite metaphor of a different variety. 

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