RB Blog

I've Moved

2010-01-18T18:58:00.001-08:00

New Url

http://divineguitar.com

New Feed

http://divineguitar.com/feed

Dreaming, I was only Dreaming, Of Another Place and Time, Where My Family's From

2009-12-15T01:44:00.001-08:00

It's hard to find good tunes like Before the Lobotomy anymore, but every now and then words and music line up and you get a 5-10 minute episode of bliss --

Buddies of mine have asked me to catalogue a 'lessons learned' or better phrased 'thoughts thought' from my first stint out in the desert, I plan to create an abstract version of the push / pull tug-o-war that often keeps me awake on sentiments here after a few good nights sleep. One day I might even try to write a book about it that no one will read. I can't wait to catalogue this stuff.

Speaking of books, the book I'm reading now asks 4 key questions

1 - Can we identify the problem
2 - do we know our internal capability
3 - does anyone do this well internally
4 - if someone does it well, can they help --

the precursors added --

0 - do we even need to work on this --

or if you want to get philosophical

-1 - what are we doing here?

These questions nor the geopolical challanges that now occupy the flat world won't be figured out today, not even with all the red eye you can drink.

----

Instead, the focus is on returning home, getting super excited to see family and friends.

Now when the roses bloom this year and our soul's up in our ears with some newer music sung in a strange place

2009-12-07T09:41:00.001-08:00

It's that time of year for the top 10 albums of the year. It's been a special year, music has been a best friend, the heart and mind open, the tunes plentiful. A special nod goes out the to the gal from Colorado who's been my first and foremost filter for new music. Below, a biased look of new music, old but new to me, and of course people that automatically make the list based on preconceived notion.

10 -- Green Day -- 21st Century Breakdown

Rockin' since 1987, the Green Day purists say the band has 'sold out' since its punk days, I say they've grown older with dignity. It's all relative, Metallica gets hair cuts and still produce things like 'St Anger' and the world throws stones at them, Bon Jovi gets haircuts and sings 'It's My Life' and wins Grammies. 21 Guns, a mall punk'esque ballad is my favorite on the album, a double play on a couple and their relationship issues, and 21 gun salutes for lost lives. Viva La Gloria is a tune that continues in proper fashion Green Day, lots of mood and tempo changes, pioneers in this 'Green Day' sound, many have tried, but it's not been duplicated. Did I say Green Day enough? Lyrics span working class heros and the last of American girls, all baked into to the album to near perfection.

9 -- Fanfarlo -- Reservoir

For many weeks, my walk to work and walk home music, looking up at a bright desert sky, thinking MAN, everything is wonderful. Comets tops the list of my favorite songs on the album, 'Cry Murder, cry what you like, Just let the comets be your guide,' and 'If you look at the horizon there is always something ducking out of sight,' two lyrics that catch me. The album contains inspiring themes of hope, desire, and ambition. Harold T. Wilkins's captures the spirit of movin' on with new adventures even when you think you're not ready (In a hot air baloon with a rusty nail, looking over your shoulder setting sail). There's something omnipresent in a few of the tunes, something that captures the human spirit perfectly. The back half of the album is solid, they're also approachable.

8 -- Sondre Lerche -- Heartbeat Radio

He's the simple truth, that's why it's hard to understand. I've seen articles that try to pin a labels on him and his 'fancy chords.' He is one of the absolute best in the business in a singer / songwriter context. By means of listening to the words, you get a sense that this guy really gets it, the texture just works as always, a world class band supports him. Sondre, the radio's perfect pitch makes me nauseous too, we know they'd vote you off American Idol or anything else like that in the prelims, and people would perhaps laugh, but that's OK, that's validation. You've to this day made enough music to make me happy a lifetime, and I'm forever in debt for the continuing perspective you give me on life. Like Lazenby has to be my favorite tune on the album, "Like a fairytale, with blood on every page my failures brought about some blessings someone must be watching out for me."

7 -- Roy Orbison -- Black and White Years

Think of it as the most exclusive cocktail party you could ever be invited to in your life. If I were James Bond, I would have skipped a mission to attend this. From the starting gate, Roy's perfect pitch belts out Only the Lonely, hence, instant bliss. You know you're swinging a pair when Bruce Springsteen is your backup singer, and the back row of your entourage consists of people like Elvis Costello and Bonnie Raitt. The DVD is pure magic.

6 -- Leonard Cohen -- Live in London

75 years old, still a kid with crazy dream...A man who has studied the philosophies and religions until cheerfulness creeps in. A man who covers all the hard bases and uncovers every stone, understands the Freudian nature of $ex and violence, yet reasserts love being the ultimate disease and cure. Seeing the man live this year was magical and enlightening.

5 -- Crooked Fingers -- Dignity and Shame

Sleep all summer, such a warm tune, the imagery that comes to mind is one of man and woman singing to each other, gazing into each other's souls, and constantly coming back for more as the proverb suggests, starting out with a fire and commencing to a slow burn. Twilight creeps...I'd say it's a good way to represent typical night life from the lens of a 30 something, further affirming that I don't want to be that 'old dude' in the clubbing / dating scene. Something about them reminds me of Roxette, and for me, that's golden.

4 -- Luna -- Luna's Greatest Hits

Guitar Harmonies are the gist of this band, I can't believe how tight and phenomenal they sound. It's the party buzz sound, the sound that is echoing in your head at the party when you're having a good time and don't even know it. Pop it in, listen, and every now and then you'll catch yourself going, damn, that's slick. The instruments and illusion are what carried this band.

3 -- Blind Pilot -- 3 Rounds and a Sound

While working in an old busted up dictators palace, I'd have this on while troubleshooting various things broken. Throw a capo on 5 and play derivatives of F and that's what I call the palace at night sound. I haven't heard a finely produced album like this since Travis' The Man Who -- Blind Pilot's instrumental reverb coupled with crystal clear voice add nuance to the ever evolving trickery in making things sound good. Oviedo, Paint or Pollen, Two Towns from Me, and 3 Rounds and a Sound are the standouts. Two Towns from Me echoes the sentiment of people in love, who would do anything for each other, even spend the night running two towns over for a visit. Put in on repeat for months, you won't be disappointed.

2 -- Mason Jennings -- Blood of Man

The Field, Tourist, Sunlight and Blood of Man are what catapult this surprising very dark themed album to the top of the field. At first glance Mason Jennings appears to be a 'NWB' Naive White Boy. Once you get under the hood you have the most soulful balanced artist in the game. Hands down 'The Field' is the best war song I've heard. It's not political or ideological or abstract for that matter, it's purely emotional, raw, and hits the bottom line. People die in war that other people care about, this song is an articulation of this -- Bob Dylan / Neil Young, and you have officially been 'one upped.' Although Mason brings out the electric guitar for the majority of the album, he's also true to his roots and songs of love. The album very much reflects the true opposites of the unadulterated world, hope and despair. Tell me where's your heart, now that it's stopped beating...it's right here, right here, right here....

1 -- (And by Blowout) -- Roman Candle -- O Tall Tree in Ear

Skip along with his wife and bro bring a sincerity, purity, simplicity and understanding to life seldom seen, but it is there in common voice if you care to listen. At least every other line is metaphorical, and as it should be, he is a solitary man with his pride. From the opener Eden Was a Garden to Early Aubade, the album has a flow, contemplative, curious and whimsical. I could write a dissertation on what this gang from Chapel Hill does for me, but mentioning captain wafers and lipton tea in song takes the cake!

I leave 60% of my Iraq time behind with a shrug of the shoulders, these guys help me put ANYTHING and EVERYTHING into perspective, even this.

"And the last thing we'll leave is a love song for this vacant room sunk in the walls, and trapped like the ocean enshelled - with everything else we ever exhaled..."

Tell me what you think about this song --

2009-12-06T07:07:00.001-08:00

Lots of abstract ideas floating around today -- Interesting what the mind thinks when there is no expectation from anyone, anytime, anywhere. -- I've always perceived speaking in absolutes was bad, but on the contrary, I find it easier to determine what's important with no expectation, -- rather acceptance. --

What about restaurants? Ever think about, say, if the seating area is 500 square feet, how big does the kitchen has to be to accommodate a couple hundred people, etc - What's behind the curtain?

Trade Journals -- I recall a scene in The Aviator where Leonardo is playing the role of Howard Hughes, who is attending a holiday at girlfriend Katharine Hepburn's house. The aristocratic family asks Howard if he reads Vanity Fair, his rebuttal, no, I read trade journals. He begins to talk about the bleeding edge state of the art engine in the new airplanes only to be ignored.

Game theory and candlesticks are something we bump up against every now and glaze over -- the more time you devote I'm assuming things like this get easier to understand.

Lots of meaning and lots of different subjects can be attained by the study of support and resistance.

The transient nature of life can often be maddening, people come and go, old friends new friends, motion without movement, thought leading to emotion and vice versa.

Blinded by lovedust What did I see? A million, a billion, a trillion stars

2009-11-25T07:29:00.001-08:00

Life is good, life is long -- desperately waiting for stimuli. Chalk this year up as a time of learning tactical patience. Robert life button pause, everything else on play.

Fast forward, I can't wait to be working IT generalist crap in Stuttgart while learning about the world, emerging nations, and all kinds of formulas and theories regarding free market capitalism vs. state sponsored capitalism in Prague. --

I look forward to sitting with a net book at a cafe in Stuttgart, I look forward to joining my 'classmates' on pub crawls and things like this in Prague.

Above all, I'm looking for a nice permanent address, at least for a year or so, something with indoor plumbing -- no guns, ammo, grenades, rockets, mortars.

happiness waits outside the gates, watching each thing we do

2009-11-23T09:31:00.001-08:00

-- i really am happy here, sometimes it sucks though --

-- ate at an iraqi generals house last night, it was the first time i felt free in 197 days, i had a glass of hot tea, and some food with touch --

-- 3 weeks to the day i begin the trek back to civilization, for a while --

-- looking forward to seeing the family, catching up with friends --

-- looking forward to christmas eve rituals --

-- looking for cool things to do new years eve --

-- wanting to catch some gigs --

-- looking forward to doing a lot of listening --

-- exciting about sitting on a clean wood floor --

-- broadband!

-- walking around shiner and seeing what's changed --

-- a clamour about perhaps hitting up new orleans --

-- san antonio perspective

-- austin perspective

-- watching some live concerts on a bigger tv screen and laying on the couch --

-- watching my 5 dvd series on doing business in china

-- sitting on the front porch playing josh ritter and roman candle tunes

-- kicking around the soccer ball with friends and family

-- a good beer buzz early in the morning like cheryl crow --

-- schoolin' some folks at pool

-- hanging out talking with the family about nothing and everything

-- taking the family to mr taco, guadalahara (sp?), jaliscos, and other places to eat

-- buying pants and shirts that fit

-- having a night out with the bro in law and defining our typical 3 goals for the evening

-- seeing how the nieces and nephews have grown, changed, see the additions to their vocabulary, etc

-- catching up with the music collection

-- getting my shoes shined in frankfurt

-- drinking a das boot with the scooter store peeps

-- 1000 other things, the little details --

Like a wizard the sea, casts a spell of salty dreams on me, No more will I float - now I view my fate through a periscope

2009-11-17T03:30:00.001-08:00

A contrary observation and stance gets you far in life. What's on my mind?, The Kite Flying Society, T&A, and shorting gold --

Stance 1 -- The Kite flying Society's 'Where is the Glow' is an example of one of these stances. Convention throws them aside, they have NO reviews on Amazon for an album that's been out almost FIVE years, they're not new, not only do they not make MTV or VH1, they don't even make the Indie rock magazine of choice, and they're not playing your favorite bar or festival. The path of a deviant is lonely, there's nothing to argue about, b/c society at large forgets the relevance in objects, hence deeming them as not important to critique. I compare this to a stock I sat on all summer, looking at the numbers (as I do lyrics of songs) and going, damn, this is perfect. Sure enough, all of a sudden I'm up big. I'm not going to win, or even partake in for that matter in most conversations that toil over weather something is hardcore or ironic enough, nor right or wrong. Societies association of the object doesn't speak to me, the object has a conversation with my soul, and the brain follows.

Stance 2 -- NOT talking about T&A and high fiving with the gang is unique out here. You always have to tolerate meat heads in the world, you just hope few and far between. Yea she's hot, yea, blah blah blah, look how awesome I am talking about girls like this, I'm just IT! The respect of women brings you closer to them, I would say that's a contrary view, especially out here in this cage.

Stance 3 -- Shorting gold is a play I'm looking at in the markets. We always hear contrary rumors, one says India traded tbills for gold, others say Germany sold gold to pay down their national debt, who really knows. I do know there's never a shortage of 'the sky is falling' people with 'sky is falling ideas', that suggest 'this time its different', that say, 'o trust me' that go 'my daddy is a banker, and he knows', etc, etc. While these folks are watching infomercials on Superbowl advertisements that say to melt down your gold chains, we'll do it for 99 bucks and ounce, or buy the gold plate, b/c the GOLD plate has GOLD in it, it keeps its VAULE, GOLD GOLD GOLD. The idea of owning gold is gilded, the shorties will pound it down, guess you could call it a 'beauty' of market forces.

The world decided to play the fiat money game sometime in the 70's, which has worked well, but every time there's a slight hiccup in the system, or their politician doesn't get elected, or whatever, the whole world comes crashing down.

The fiat game will come back to order, and the massive imbalance b/w gold and silver, and gold and energy, etc will all come back. This assumes the balancing effect is just more than the USD. The world as a whole is coming out of a growth slump and will return, decreasing the price of gold, and innovation and energy then again become center stage. Short gold, long on energy and innovation, I'd say that's the contrary viewpoint. THIS is the inverse of THIS, I'm going with the latter for 2010.

---------------------------
Random Rant on the Markets
---------------------------

Time dictates the patterns of the market, and not really anything else. It's not about new product lines, or sales, or price earnings ratios, and all this technical stuff, however, the art and science behind these patterns seem predictable (support and resistance levels), I have some more time to perfect and automate these to the point where hopefully one day I'm sitting on the beach in Acapulco sipping a Rita making the rent.

It's been about a year since my brother in law and I had a contest on howthemarketworks.com. My END OF US DOMINANCE portfolio = UP 92%, his US WILL RECOVER portfolio = UP 28%, US BLUECHIPS = UP 41%. That was then, the END OF US DOMINANCE portfolio train has left the station. My thoughts for 2010, WORLD RECOVERS, and the burden will never be put on the US consumer again, which is a good thing.

My practical stance moving forward, half goes to the plan below, half goes to violently risky (but well thought out) bets on RED (China that is) --

-------------
Core Segment (25% Total)
-------------

Cash = 5% (Money Market)
Total Bond = 15% (US T-Bills)
Total US Stock = 20% (Spider)
Total Intl Stock = 60% (Spider)

----------------------
Target Market Segment (25% Total)
----------------------

20% - Gold - DZZ
30% - Energy - IYE
10% - Agricultural Commodities - DBC
10% - Real Estate - ICF
30% - Emerging Markets - EEM

When I was young my mama sat me down and told me how it goes, You'll walk the world but most of what you're looking for is under your nose

2009-11-16T10:27:00.001-08:00

Today the term Celestial Bureaucrats caught my ear, made me laugh tremendously, so much so that I went out registered the domain name -- Interesting concept when taken into account what they actually are, perhaps after watching my 5 DVD set of doing business in China, I'll have a plan...if only i knew Mandarin.

In the course of my morning, another funny, the Moro Islamic Liberation Front, which brings new meaning to 'milf.' These dudes are the reason I'm cutting the Southern Philippines out of a world tour.

Also thought about growing up and what it means, post pending -- In the meantime, I'm going to go enjoy some of this Baghdad rain Andy Dufrain style --

Spend my natural prime, thinking money and time, wondering where they go, and they go

2009-11-15T05:13:00.001-08:00

YET ANOTHER pitch for Roman Candle, who's album has SKYROCKETED to perhaps my top 5 of all time. They're talkin' to me, I'm listening intently and reading what they have to say, just so much to skim off the top. It's truly like having a conversation with a best friend I haven't seen in a while, as if they went on a trip and came back and shared all kinds of perspective with you, minus the ego, glitz and glamour.

In the matrix of time, circumstance makes me think about folks who are fixated on money, contrary to popular belief, it really isn't myself. A story that makes me cringe when I think about it -- I know a man from rural Shiner who amassed 77,000USD in his lifetime, only to die with it, all the while the family lives in near poverty conditions. While it's a conscious choice to devote too many eggs to one basket, its beneficial to see those who are standing on one leg.

The Renaissance approach is a pursuit of balance. From this standpoint it makes sense to 'quit while you're ahead', so to speak. I recall leaving Austin Texas one blistering hot summer afternoon, a change of destiny, lots of cultural experience in tow and a wallet that was flat broke and busted. I recall the anxiety of living with that imbalance.

These days, I don't look a gift horse in the mouth, and the tides have switched, now what I lack in culture and aesthetic is made up monetarily. I've seen exploitation at it's finest, and it renders VERY unfavorable results on friends, family, egos and souls.

The imbalance either way sucks, and I'm happy to have been beached on two shores on the path of self discovery thus far. I've learned many lessons on the path.

Next things to bake in are spirituality, This pursuit will take 20 years to a lifetime, and excited to continue the journey, the soundbyte that makes sense to me the most thus far, there is a god, you are not him.

Having a family of one's own is the perplexing wonder of cloud computing to me. It's inevitable, progress, great perspective, etc. -- It's very scary to me having to be responsible for someone else, but for those of you who are, again, I tip my hat, y'all are awesome.

round the world round the world is a tangled up necklace of pearls

2009-11-14T08:37:00.001-08:00

The Woodface album was on rotation during my inclined run at the gym. It's amazing the texture of a good love song, Neil Finn has it down better than most. It's even got some pesky digs at us Americans. Time on Earth proves to occupy the same themes, with a wonderful baby grand telling half the story.

Mark Twain (who's now haunting the Mighty Mississippi with Jeff Buckley) once said that history doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

I've been doin' this bloggin thing pretty heavy for years now which has included a mish mosh of thinly disguised idealistic and egotistical blather. I've always explore concepts of love to the same end, going off in some complicated metaphor of self knowing and knowing what I want with an underlying tone and action of self sabotage. It's perspiration, that's for sure, and I definitely and defiantly back myself in a corner with idealism, and I probably alienate those who care about me the most -- *thinking about my sisters here* -- They probably read some of this stuff and go, yea, don't know what to tell ya.

I've spent my entire professional life aggressively pursuing a desired end state, an end state in which the journey was never the end destination. Today it occurs to me I've never really put myself in a position to succeed at intimacy. I used to think before you loved anyone else you had to love yourself; this has been proven a fallacy due to the loving yourself has a selfish connotation, the kind that doesn't promote a unity of sorts. The new thought, you never know love till you surrender to it, I know in the future that that check box needs to be checked before hitting purchase, no exceptions, little looking back.

End state in intimacy allows personal battles to be fought where they need to be fought.

Bar hopping and fraternizing seems to be the same as channel surfing with 57 channels and nothing on, so the cliche goes, it'll come when you least expect it, etc, etc, etc -- Something I've found to be a fallacy, if you want it, you have to pursue it, aggressively if need be, throw out the skip in the record, throw out the victim, throw out preconceived notions, and most of all throw out all excuses and execute.

Looking at my friends and family, great people who got it down, I always use y'all as an example, you have taken the fight to other areas in life, living and loving it in tandem. To those of you who are there, I salute you, its a long hard road, but fulfilling and new, providing that foundation to build empire (if you so choose to).

Things will change when I'm back in the free world, I figure this out as I go, I like John and Paul's rhyme and I like their history, and I want my history to repeat itself. I'm a sentimental guy and I'll get that back, but it's going to require me moving past the Revolver and Rubber Soul portion of my life and on to Sergeant Pepper, and infinite metaphor of a different variety.

I go to all the parties, I never have a good time, It's like we're acting out a movie, Mystery and Crime

2009-11-13T00:28:00.001-08:00

As of late The Joel Plaskett Emergency's album Truthfully Truthfully has been on heavy rotation. One tune on the album reminds me of a going to the local 'Circle K' to play Gyrus, Gun Smoke and Choplifter on big arcade games as a kid. Mystery and Crime's texture reminds me of bad hair days, and a simpler life when 4 quarters for 4 games was one of the highlights of the week. O but boy do those harmonizing guitars sound great.

From a literary sense I've been, as the quote says 'biting off more than I can chew and chewing like hell. Books on the hook currently --

-- The Audacity to Win -- A political strategy book I've waited for with intent. Reinforces that all politics are local, and finding your people and reaching out to them is just as effective as gerrymandering. Winners are winners, I'd say we can learn from em' all ..--.. if we choose to do so.

-- The Cluetrain Manifesto -- Great book on the psychology of digital conversation, although a bit dated provides a SOLID foundation that, to me, reinforces, technology = slam dunk, the blank canvas that it creates for you to paint on, well, that's another story. One thing I find first hand to be true, It is soooo hard to break out of the initial anxiety phase in delivering prose, thoughts and ideas that are represented of yourself. Your friends, family, employers, etc, etc are your critics, which by natural inclination makes you want to throw up barriers, barriers that lock you in to a mindset that's not per se of your own, but what your interpretation is of what others (your target audience wants to hear) --- What you get is a flat / sedate depiction of who you are, what you want to be, and a piece that is potentially boring, irreverent. To quote a bad Wendy's reference, to me, the book not only asks 'Where's the Beef?, but let's frame the question in a way we can talk about it ... Don't write it well and walled up, write it open ended.

-- Fool's Gold -- Shows how some 30 somethings' at JP Morgan that are good at 'credit default swapping' can really throw the world a breaking ball, the world swings and misses, by two feet. Think the computer geek that rounds the fraction of a cent into his bank account is a crime, multiply that by a million and that's what gets by with 'innovative financial products.' Bulls and bears are fine, but invisible hands, that's something else, the maggots in the system. Knowledge is power, and as an individual investor, being aware of the silliness that happens, especially in small cap growth stocks, makes me shake my head in disbelief.

-- The Post American World -- Not the popular spatter of typical intelligentsia or critics of the current administration as one may think. It of course suggests the pie still grows, but a greater percentage is rightsizing abroad. It suggests that America has been successful beyond its wildest dreams in pushing an agenda of democracy and open markets to dark corners of the world, now it has to open up even moreso to the game its mastered and continues to promote. The US has the economics to do great things, the politics of the matter is a unique challange.

-- The Perfect Portfolio -- Doing your homework these days is not enough. Looking at balance sheets, sales, cash flow, EPS and all these snappy technical indicators and a couple bucks will get you a bag of chips and a headache. Back to those invisible hands and the role they play in manipulating the market is what makes predicting the market just as impossible as predicting the weather. It suggests diversifying around 9 asset classes instead of the typical 3, and have a 'target market portfolio' for the shifting for the trends of the world today. My target market currently is the Chinese Agriculture plays, CGA, YONG, CAGC, I've been happy with it, early next year (Feb / March), my gut says the tech sector will lead a faux recovery... In the age of derivatives, a fake recovery is equal to a real recovery, perception is reality, you look behind the curtain, there's another curtain with another curtain... how deep do you want to go with it?

-- Thinking Outside the Grid -- Pure and simple, the new power grid will be the greatest wonder of mankind one day. Meanwhile Boone Pickins sells Texas wind to China.

I think that you're forgetting the blood that you'll be letting Has a price on it no one knows

2009-11-11T02:36:00.001-08:00

Dad served in the Army, Prince Rupert as a postman during WW2. We didn't get to talk about his experiences and travels, I'm sure it was an interesting time. I certainly miss that fella, I wish he was still here, we'd have a lot to talk about.

The ironic nature of life on many levels lands me on top of the Victory Over America / Victory Over Iran palaces at a mass flag flying ceremony, a mixture of emotion that's made me sick to my gut.

Many times I reference a U2 song 'Running to Stand Still,' and think about the underlying tones and implications of many things on many levels. It again makes me think of the Jerry Macquire brief 'the things we think and do not say,' and suffice to say I'm happy to think I tell everyone I care about and everyone who is special in my life how I feel about them. Life tends to create abstraction as a coping mechanism for the things we feel and the things we can or cannot say.

Running to stand still is a popular sentiment in pop culture today which suggests an Iphone laden clan textin', blackberry'in, facebooking or twittering no matter the environment, venue or surroundings. It implies a transient nature of a generation that cannot be satisfied. Standing Still to run is a better analogy for the life lived out here. We're in a race in which the words are echoed, 'read, set, go' and you're still tied to the starting block. The crowd laps you, throws a 'Hi' out, only to be lapped several times. Once you've been released from the starting point, the track already has a groove in it, and often times it's hard to find that groove. Many times you're left to pick up the pieces of wreckage, often times it takes time to re-integrate, turning your groove into their groove and / or vice versa.

Both running to stand still and still to running have distinct advantages and disadvantages. Out here I miss out on instant communication. On the other hand, time has permitted me to tap into the wisdom of the ages, unadulterated and without distraction. A mixture of both combined with the compounded interest of attention span is what I want to achieve from my time here. De facto vibrancy and incandescence hopefully will follow suit as a result of this experience.

Some days are better than others anywhere you go or wherever you are, and people get lonely regardless of physical locality. Today I write on an occasion where feelings are a wash, or something else that I can't describe, or wish I had the vocabulary to articulate.

My rambling prose for the day, all over the place, detached.

Ring the bells that still can ring, Forget your perfect offering, There is a crack in everything, That's how the light gets in

2009-11-10T02:10:00.001-08:00

48 laws of power has been on my mind since a buddy of mine has been reading intently. Ran through the list and picked out my favorites, or at least the one's I have put emphasis on as of late.

Edge of the World, a nice little piece by Josh Ritter is what I've been toiling over on the guitar to occupy my time. It seems to capture the essence of the life of a Spanish conquistador out at sea discovering new territory. Imagination is wonderful.

Speaking of sea faring individuals, Ragnar Danneskjöld of Atlas Shrugged comes to mind quite often. Complicated and interpretative symbolism surrounds the man and his mission, I often apply this thought not to the government vs. market fundamentalism sentiments, but rather day to day musings of politics and posturing and the push pull effect b/w a leaders engagement vs the white noise of the pirate. The key is to be able to distinguish when a crack needs to be patch, rebuilt or exploited.

I suppose circumstance dictates which postures and law's carry relevance at what time.

-----------------------------------------------------
The Six Laws of Power that Stand out to me Currently
-----------------------------------------------------

-- Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker. Seem Dumber than your Mark --

Seems the be the role I am in more so than not, sitting back listening going, 'o, that's how that works, wow, really, tell me more,' even if i don't agree -- then apply the information for what your judgement says is a utilitarian purpose

-- Discover Each Man's Thumbscrew --

Like Sayid torturing Sawyer in Lost, everyone has that pressure point. I recall one tennis match I had in high school playing the first seed in the tourney, I was warming up with this guy and thinking 'Holy Shit', I'm going to get WAXED. He had it all, UNTIL I hit a few to his slice type Steffi Graf backhand. 48 or so consecutive backhands later I won that match 6-0, 6-1 to the dismay of his onlooking family.

-- Despise the Free Lunch --

Last job we had meat, candy, cake, cookies every month, the tables of food were plentiful. Although it was a 'pay meal,' I didn't care for it much at all. Warren Buffet after purchasing a company once busted up the cigar smoking high five fest and said, 'we have work to do, we'll party when we earn it' -- Great deviant minds have articulated to stay away from that water cooler talk of company politics, its full of undertones of fear, backstabbing, threats and disappointments.

-- Work on the Hearts and Minds of Others --

How's the family? O! You were a star cricket player in high school? You like pullups? I LIKE pullups too! Finding commonalities is always more fruitful than finding differences.

Building grassroots campaigns is where it's at, and the institutional enemies of this philosophy don't even know that a battle is at hand. A terrible man once said 'A Single Spark Can Start a Prairie Fire,' and provided an example of how the poor will protect the wealthy. The OPPOSITE of that is what is necessary, grassroots initiatives for the benefit of mankind.

-- Enter Action with Boldness

A wise man once said, and I paraphrase a paraphrase, 'You can either kill it or leave it alone,' I'd say a lot of people (management) go around kicking people in the junk, yea, it hurts and the recipient is hunched over for a while, but when he gets up, you just have a pissed off individual with a vendetta on their hands.

-- Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge

Finally, giving emotion to something is the best form of validation, ignoring them is the ultimate insult. I used to think the sweetest revenge is to live well, however I've found fault in that -- by making an object, person or idea irrelevant is a win win in many cases.

Don't fall into all those sad stories you write, Your voice is so pretty When it gets caught in the right rhyme

2009-11-09T00:38:00.001-08:00

A wise sage outlined the phases of life, and volunteers that I'm in 'Phase 2' -- First instinct says, damn, I should be further along, however, thinking about it I'm glad I'm past phase one and understand there are move levels to aspire to achieve. A tip of the hat to The Veils --

I came out to the desert, and my friends jokingly say I have a girly french cap and hipster douschbag sweater (I don't think Kohl's had hipster douschbag clothes, but its all relative, and I stand corrected.)

In keeping with the literal fashions of the world, I offer the shirt, the way of dress, the way clothing is percieved in an office, and the company policy -- and move that through the phases of life.

----------------------------------------------------
Phase 1 - idealism - i'm going to change the world!
----------------------------------------------------

I'm out of Academia! Yee Haw! I'm going to take my nice little project and run it through the 'Systems Development Life Cycle' (SDLC) and I'm going cross reference it with all these key words and concepts, and I'm going to be the one that KNOWS, regardless of all the empirical knowledge around me.

My boss says I need to wear a collared shirt, I'm happy!, I'm officially 'white collar' -- I am dressing for the job I want, the job I have, and I will move up by providing 'valuable' input to these people in authorative positions. I am a team player, I'm self motivated, I work great with a team OR by myself, I know all the right things.

Are my slacks nice enough?, I forgot to iron this one little piece, wow I hope no one notices --

------------------------------------------------
Phase 2 - screw it - the world cant be changed
------------------------------------------------

The SDLC hasn't been working out, my boss handed me a big clump of shit and said here, sculpt it. So I've been sculpting away, all the while others have differing opinions on how the legs, hips, theighs and buttox should look, all the while I'm the one holding the sculpting tool. OK, we'll make the butt bigger, yea, it does make a disconnect with how the hips and butt fit, ok, bigger hips, gotcha -- oo, now that's too hard on the knees and the pants don't fit, roger that, working on it right away.

You begin to awknowledge that world is a tactical nightmare of people arguing over semantics while never truly seeing the need to step back and have a coherent strategy for life, love, work and whatever else have you.

Screw the company policy for making me wear a collard shirt, its not reasonable in these conditions. The world is all about reason, right? How can Kant be wrong, why aren't people seeing this? I'll wear my pink and green long sleeve no collard shirt UNDER my nice collard white polo to say 'F You' to the system, yeat that's it. I'll work around the system, b/c I'm sly like that, and they're not going to get the best of me.

I'm smarter than that, yes-sir-ree.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
phase 3 - acceptance - the world may not change but i can still scratch my itches
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At some point do we all sit back and realize we love big brother,? just like the protagonist in 1984? - I think there's a big portion of that --

You one day being to realize you have the illusion of freedom, but yet you're enslaved to your own devices, but that's OK. I have BBQ, I have a good job, a great family, and people who love me.

That collard shirt looks nice on me, I think I'm going to wear another one tomorrow, just a different color.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
phase 4 - understanding - getting what you want is meaningless - wanting what you have that's the trick
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To fully understand this understanding phase is something I hope to achieve by age 50. It's very very difficult, much moreso than the simplicity implies.

It means don't hate the players, hate the game -- and if you don't like the game, you can always opt NOT to play, or invent your own game.

It means hard work surpasses all games and shannagins, and you're always picked for the team based on merit, PERIOD.

To me it means framing reality in a way that accepts and embraces percieved shortcomings of people. As in Goodwill Hunting when Robin William's tells Matt Damon that his wife once farted and it cleared the room...that and 1,000 other things made her special in the perspective of life.

To me it means knowing that I can hope on a plane anywhere and anytime, and it be a choice not a necessity in the quest for self actualization.

To me it means the grass will NOT be greener on the other side, b/c this is the side I'm cultivating, fertilizing, trimming weeds and rain dancing for.

To me it means turning family into friends and friends into family.

At the end of the day, I realize life is good in the morning, life is good when I go to sleep, and it really doesn't matter what shirt I'm wearing.

Watch as the cracks in the wall feel pain, For only patterns on a snake's back give us genuine fear

2009-11-07T23:14:00.001-08:00

This morning I told my buddy I'm popping on Thirteen Senses and diving into my duties. I explain to him that they're great 'mellow white boy sentimental' music, perfect for zoning out during a morning of mindless repetitive tasks.

Often computer tasks are similar to the good ol' Henry Ford assembly line method. For car makers, when the door comes over, you have to put the inside and outside handles on, the window, umm, the lock, and the dressing. For computers its an array of files and disks and other peripherals that you perform comparable activities on. When you break it all down to the fundamental pieces it's manageable, and it can get as complicated as you can imagine.

An excerpt from the tune 'The Salt Wound Routine' reminds me that much of what we fear never comes to fruition, and often we're further away from the glass ceilings than we think.

---
And all this ground beneath my feet
Has decided not to crumble into the sea
I walked in a house, it smelt of paint
And the ceiling it has no trouble with me
---

Outside the big red sky is getting dim, shooting pool and talking, making new friends

2009-11-07T00:27:00.001-08:00

30 years ago I'd wake up Saturday morning and watch cartoons, 20 years ago I'd wait for wrestling on Saturday night and playing Rygar on Nintendo, 10 years ago I'd be lying in bed nursing a hangover, today I wake up and go to work for 12 hours, coming off a 12 hour day, leaning into a 12 hour day tomorrow.

I used to think I was glad to have lived through a party phase of life, the older I get I wish I would have done more with those years. Working the long hours out here has brought to my attention just how capable the body and mind are to accomplish more than I've ever expected from the past. I used to think I was marching to the tune of a different drum and taking in the road less travelled, but in reality I've been on the same road as populist sentiment.

While looking outward to the world to frame geopolitical issues, I look inward to expand this vessel taking me on this journey. I've found my perception to be constantly changing, life has been a perpetual dream piled on book after book of contrary viewpoints to be sorted soon.

I used to write often, lately I've lost or ran out of energy. There's many new ideas I need to weave into the fabric of my existence, and I hope to be able to do some of that on the front porch in Shiner Texas in about a month. Expand, then fill, then rearrange, I think that's how it works. Read a bunch, let your mind go hmmm for a while, then take a break from all things written and digital, and see how the cards fall and frame it accordingly to what you think, feel and believe to be the truth. External entities and knowledge will influence your path, but to me, self actualization boils down to what makes sense for you, then the biggest broadcast point comes with action and example.

I can truly see myself one day free, not from the immediate, but from the big picture. It truly is a dream of mine to not HAVE to go anywhere, do anything and not have to follow the conventions of society and the working world, but rather engage where I want to and how I feel it appropriate. When I'm an old dude sittin' on the front porch, I want to have a TON to write about.

'Know thyself' has been such an important phrase in my life. It's always reminded me to look at people's reactions to my thoughts and actions, and let these reactions dictate which foibles of mine are charming and which are not. While proceeding through life, I'm meeting many people of which I respect, of different mindsets and different ideologies -- and from this I learn more about where to go, what to do, and how to do it. It's constant adjustment and tweaking that requires a lot of hard work internally.

I've learned to go where the communication and conversation is for insight. The conversation has made its way to Facebook with a bigger portion of the population participating. The scientifics of social media are there and fascinating, but put simply, there are people engaging and entwined in threads that would usually never speak or interact with one another. It tears down walls, and at the macro perspective, as more people engage, it will solve a lot more problems than it creates. It gives everyone an opportunity to engage with a low barrier to entry -- It gives an opportunity to showcase what they think and feel while allowing others to engage. I gleam a lot of one liners and morsels of knowledge from the facebook community, seems to be the place where the conversation is these days -- instant digital communication will take some time to align with the world's fashions.

But the prefects all backed down, and they ran her out of town, Cause she drank and swore and spoke Out of turn, she was the village joke

2009-11-06T03:38:00.001-08:00

Every time I pop in Belle and Sebastian's The Boy with the Arab Strap different metaphor grabs me, and the mind goes spiraling down some wonderful tangent.

Today is all about titles, and the people that have them. They're used to define people – fence them in to areas of expertise and ideology, and give the perception of credence to some sort of structure.

We're rewarded today by having more titles, cooler titles, letters behind our name, all the while the institutions that hand out these letters and credentials turn their products into commodities, hence they become financial institutions.

We all know the Peter Principle, and we all know the 7 habits of highly effective people, but there's a lot more to the whole person perspective.

Individuals that have taken that balanced dive in personal life, spiritual, political, economic, cultural and scientific to start offer more in terms of holistic approach and long term strategy that WILL win the race, whatever that race may be.

To this day, I haven't found a title that was relevant in defining the character, ambition and vision in an individual, I treat higher titles with respect, but often times irreverent.

An organization where the barriers to entry are high and balanced among perspective, the reward is great, and the product isn't a commodity – that's what I'm shooting for --

There are things I cannot forget, I wish none had happened yet, We were stronger than the preachers, We were wiser than the wall

2009-10-31T10:32:00.001-07:00

Tonight as I kick back after a piece of 'America 'Heck' Yea' Halloween cake, I think about the artical I read concerning the conflict in Afghanistan. Seems as though helicoptors are used to 'mermite' in ice cream and fried chicken to forward operating bases, and participants in the region look foward to 'karoke night.'

With such distractions, it's easy to take your eyes off the prize. Objectives are defined, but they are difficult, time will tell if insurmountable, but as it stands I find it difficult to see the nationalization of these campaigns from the ground.

Lately I've been thinking about getting a new shirt or two, and some pants that fit. I've been running in the morning, running in the afternoon, and the .5 miles to my chu I've been running full speed on the way home. Guess kinda like gump, I can just see one of these 'spooky people' here go, wow, what's that guy's problem!? I would think that Gump ran b/c there wasn't anything particular on his mind, so it just came to him -- I think I run b/c the ambiguity in the job and life have forced gridlock. Gridlock in the same way you have a quadruple knot that's been tighened and tightened, and you have nothing but your fingers with no fingernails to get it undone.

Something Billy Bragg says, 'its just like being on a fast ride at a fun fair, the kind you want to get off b/c its scary, but when you're off you want to get right back on again' -- I think about that one out here, as we approach BIAP for our obligatory surf and turf -- that close to hoppin' on a plane, but then what?

Attitude is something you take with you everywhere, bring a bad attitude you'll leave with one. Out here I have become and play the role of the quintessential 'nerd', that's how I came, that's the way I'll leave.

It's hard to get a 'read' on ANYONE out here b/c of the freakish nature of the roles and responsibilities. What was this person like at 'home,?' I often find myself thinking.

There's a lot of fraternization out here, but little cause for unity in hardship.

Well they're swapping pharmaceuticals in Mussolini Park And they're wigglin' and wobbilin' and dozin' in the dark

2009-10-27T12:50:00.000-07:00

this week sees a wave of my friends off to friendly shores -- the transient nature of the people out here is strange and difficult but very fulfilling. i realize when i leave next summer very few of the people I've started this journey with will be around.

a wise friend said to cultivate relationships with the people, its all about the people. people are what make any situation dynamic.

a good buddy mine out here, in a farewell speech said 'do something with your time.' all kinds of time and all kinds of opportunities are presented to us on a daily basis, and most people out here capitalize on that in many ways. I've been learning patience, and that patience will allow me to seize not just opportunities, but the right opportunities for a bright future.

I feel strangely at home here now, I know the guy on the poster from the local shop, i know Rita at the coffee shop is from Kathmandu, i know where a lot of the Indian nationals call home. Comfort is in the little details. Finding beauty in the simple things, Thoreau is where I'm at mentally, although I won't physically follow that route for some time.

tonight i toast a big liter bottle of water to friends who are departing back to families, its not a goodbye, merely a see you later, and a sincere thank you for the perspective.

Since you've been asleep, We washed your purple veil, Called father daniel, Asked the undertaker for an extra day

2009-10-25T10:41:00.001-07:00

Today was an old school David Garza day, which reminded me of my days as a COBOL programmer, trying to make relational magic with index files. In those days, I tried to help build the better mouse trap so my company could sell doors and door knobs.

An underlying hardcore consistency in matters at hand is what I'm developing while hopping to and fro. Consistency breeds emotion control.

Most things mundane, these things surreal /

** Apache helicopters partnering up to go blow something up

** the spattering of guns in the distance on the walk home

** 50 cal in the distance waking you up at night

I've come to really like the great attitude of the Ugandan people, and I look forward to visiting their country one day.

It's getting chilly'ish in the morning for the record --

Hurry home before the sky breaks out No point predicting things that happen all the time

2009-10-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

Today doing my zombie walk to the communal shower facility I noticed der himmel ist grey, and throughout the day I was hoping to see the 3rd minute spattering of rain in the last 6 months, but to no avail. Even the birds seemed to think so, whilst sitting over the lake overlooking the bombed out Baath Party HQ building eating chicken fingers and potato wedges, they sang in jubilation at the chance of a shower.

The other two minutes of rain a few months back cleared the air, it was actually beautiful, or maybe I just thought so b/c I've grown ac costumed to this god forsaken climate and topography.

Sondre Lerche's new one has been spinnin' with me in the gym, along with audio books. What do people listen to in the gym, is it mostly 'pump you up linkin park is a roller coaster type music', or some sh*t with a 'beat' or whatever else have you?

I think about all the time I've logged on a treadmill over the last 10 years and go damn, its brought me a lot of sweat. I can recall the austin gym i worked out at, i can almost feel that sweat on my fat head. what can you do about a fat head? losing 30 lbs out here, now ppl say my head looks too big for my body...awwww, the perils of vanity.

metaphorically speaking, rain often comes with a bad connotation, rain in baghdad or sondre singing about it is beautiful and perfect. Tomorrow I believe I'm going to hit up some old Ed Harcourt to keep the pleasant singer songwriter going and to balance out Leonard Cohen's acid poetry.

she was college educated with a phd, but she was always right and i was wrong, just another place i don't belong

2009-10-21T14:04:00.000-07:00

strolling down amnesia lane i recall fastball playing a live acoustic show a block away from my inhabitance at the now defunct jupiter records. a brilliant show complete with keg beer and a timeless live cd.

don't ask me why that makes me think of families, however, and in random sentiment, i think of what a coworker says, 'who gets off the plane in baghdad and says 'family, we're home?'' so much depends on geography, so little depends on a lot of other things -- when i get a phd, that last sentence is what i'm going to use as a dissertation topic.

i think about how messy are the times that we live, the path of least resistance, one of a boisterous troll, but then i think about the global village we live in and think, we as a collective have this covered. (insert rainbows and unicorns and flowers and other visions of nice things)

what obstacle is there not great enough to conquer if you only just think it through, whats unreasonable after empathizing, what and challenge doesn't turn into an opportunity? i sat in the criticize everything and everyone group and i did ok, but when i joined the find a silver lining in everything group my life got exponentially better.

the world truly is flat, and i'm finding that what you make of it and what's at stake are that of personal responsibility and if you don't have that working, it makes no sense in questioning institutions or ideologies, just control what you can and move the stone, don't just do you best, that's not enough in this everyone gets a trophy world.

the planned luck to come out here and do some really good things, has been, and i HATE using the word a 'blessing,' from the blessing fairies. while doing so i miss my brothers and sisters, mummy and cousins and nieces and nephews a ton --

my time here will add some more value to my human equity, and i might even be able to get a one handed push up or two out of it.

It's easy to be easy and free when it doesn't mean anything you remain selfless, cold and composed

2009-10-16T03:22:00.001-07:00

A common dilemma as a point to point traveller, where is the hub? In a more concrete sense, if I have a flat tire, who do I call for help?

Decision and circumstance have had not per se and alienation effect, rather a natural distancing effect to me and even my inner circle of friends.

I see that ever pending decision, when do I rejoin the ranks of reality, or should I stay in this realm and see how deep this all goes.

My course of living life in a vacuum has brewed a contempt of the way our citizens frame the pillars that hold our civilization together. One man's opportunity is another man's threats, we eek forward as a nation.

How can one tell when everything is in its right place and when, as a collective over the long term, you short change yourself for immediate and instant gratification?

Balance in life sits on the top of a pinhead, satin pillows all around to rest happily and comfortably, so why this fixation with the pain on my throbbing feet?

With additions to your color pallet of perspective, preconceived notions and ideologies fall by the wayside and you are dragged back to the middle, gaining autonomy along the way. No one is your enemy, everyone is an opportunity.

There's a fine line b/w being a sociopath and someone who genuinely cares.

And Tuesday just might go my way, It can't get worse than yesterday, Thursdays, Fridays ain't been kind, But somehow I'll survive

2009-10-14T11:15:00.001-07:00

The benefits of casual dress is when you tuck your shirt in, people go, 'whoa, where did you come from?'

Throughout my career I've been able to eek by with casual dress. My last job, I would come to work wearing an 80 dollar designer tee, hence getting reprimanded by our site lead, all the while two guys down from me the gentleman was wearing a camouflage shirt. Never saw the logic in why my shirt didn't suffice but the office camo flew.

In the era of 'loose capitalism,' you will hear of the green headed dude with that tats working IT at the prosperous bank. Fast forward 20 years from the tech bubble, IT has 'tightened up' so to speak, this guy may still be there, or he could be back at Planet K.

In similar circumstances, in the land of abundant jobs, the squeeze in white collar private sector jobs will come. Regardless of if you're wearing a designer tee or a suit, the producer will get / keep the job.

The age old cliche of recession proofing your career during the bull market holds true, I think there's still plenty of pie to go around for those who are skilled with the fork.

Fill up these four walls with old melodies, let me know if the big light is shining on me

2009-10-09T09:34:00.001-07:00

In the private sector, you get rewarded for on time and under budget, in the public sector, you're rewarded by building an empire. You NEED more time, you NEED more resources. Private sector, money is the bottom line, public sector, lives are often the bottom line. Why the disparity in efficiency?

I keep telling myself it all comes down to personal motivation and responsibility, and for every 'hero' that lives up to their paycheck, there seems to be 3 or 4 zeros.

Hence, a typical email that gets things done has 5 to 25000 people in the cc line, in hopes of finding that person who does not go out of his or her way, but merely do their job.

In a dirty little room in a nasty little world

2009-10-08T08:57:00.001-07:00

A page out of Viktor Frankl's book --

You always can make the best of the day and look at the bright side of things, or you can troll around and complain about any and everything. These complainers I've learned to avoid like the plague. What's been replaced is a new perspective on everyone I encounter during the day, work, the walk to and from, the gym, and other random scenarios.

Everyday walking to work I see 'up there' ranking servicemen and women, and even despite the 'everyone gets a trophy' awards that seem to be given out like candy, people do, for the most part earn the stripes, or whatever other distinguishing marks. I'm surrounded by smart people with a lot of potential.

Walking to the showers every day I see 'Frances,' an Indian 'TCN', third country national, someone I wish spoke more English, but I DO know that he loves James Bond and the Transformers. A simple smile and hey buddy go a long way, we start off the morning with a smile and brighten each other's day. I can only imagine it's ingrained in people like Frances's head to call everyone 'sir', I consider it a score that he tells me 'Hey Dude!.'

Similar, the servers on the main line in the DFAC, from a distance away, they see me coming, they smile and go HEY HEY HEY, b/c I smile and ask how their day is going and have a great day in return. I only wish we had more time to speak, everyone has a story to tell.

The gym, two people, one a beautiful girl, who wears the face to society of 'hey pervert, quit looking at my butt.' I'm sure she has a story to tell. And then there's the guy we call the 'perfume palace pimp,' the guy who's in the gym 4 hours a day, and if he's not fixing his spiked hair in the mirror, he's checking out his bicep. They bring spice to the place, and their presence always makes me smile.

At work when you get the right people around a conversation, times get whimsical, as they should be when parsing through something big. The greatest joy is when someone brings contributing elements to conversation and progress is achieved.

I hang around to get the full effect of the night crew, all good people. I've had the pleasure to make friends with people here by just offering reassurance and acknowledgement that they are there. It often blows my mind how simplicities of acknowledging your fellow humans goes so far.

My buddy Bob once said, I used to not think I was a people person until I met Rob. I guess people skills are something I reluctantly have and that's the way it should be.

So tomorrow, I'm going to wake up, meet and greet these people again, we'll exchange smiles, pleasantries, and ideas, and my time here will continue to fly by, and I will be sad to leave one day --

Wherever you go, there you are right?

Intelligence is dangerous, A virus of the brain you pass around, Dumb It Down

2009-10-06T14:43:00.001-07:00

The new killer of society as we know it, the attention span deficit. I *think* Einstein said something like 'I'm not the smartest, I just stick with things longer.'

Weather it be ridding Afghanistan of barbarians, concurrence on health care legislation, that extra 10 pounds you want to lose, or simply that book you keep puttin' off reading, the seeker seems to be a fleeting element in modern society. While I think in context of history, the human race has been better off than it ever has, the pending issues need attention span more than anything.

News happens everyday, regardless of if there is something relevant to report or not. The fine folks in the media who have to get the advertising dollars, or page clicks or whatever new and ingenious monetizing technique out there are giving you everything you need to know in nibble sized chunks of opinionated who-hash.

The next evilution could be in fact OW, My Balls, round the clock fun and excitement.

Why Democrat or Republican and why not 'affairs of the state,?' Why Christian or Muslim and why not 'spirituality,?' Why cake or pie and why not cake AND pie, why science or religion and why not 'the search for the truth,'?

Attention span, I wonder how many people use it for their benefit and how many are content with polishing rails.

All the Japanese with their yen, The party boys call the Kremlin, Slide feet up street bend your back, Shift your arm then you pull it back

2009-10-06T03:42:00.001-07:00

It's about 64 days before touch down in Cairo. I am excited to see the city and all of its splendor and trash. I can't wait for a 5 star hotel on the Nile, and hot air balloon over the valley of the kings, and why not a good cheesy pyramid laser light show!

It's amazing I've been playing the game 'Civilization' since I was probably 12, so I know Egyptian culture through that lense. Amazing a Civilization so advanced for the time, all along the Nile. Strangly enough I've been reading with fascination about silt and the Nile.

What's exciting is that it'll be my first jaunt through a muslim country, I hope to get at least a decent view of the cultural divide that exists. I want to go off the beaten path a little bit, but not too much.

I can always see the pivot points in life, and this trip culturally will be one of them.

This time, This time, Turning white and sense dire, Pull up, pull up, From one extreme to another

2009-10-02T23:50:00.001-07:00

Austin City Limits music festival goes on this weekend, and I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be having some brews with friends. in 100 degree weather.

I think of the festival scene that seems to have in recent years sprung up around the states. This is a time of charlatans that dominate the festival scene, we as an indie collective soak up every drop.

Thinking about if I was a gazillionaire, what festival would I set up? Where, when, and who?

For starters I'd say Geneva Switzerland, perhaps sometime late August.

On Friday -- It would be 'my favorite band day' -- all the heavy hitters, Billy Bragg, Sondre Lerche, Ben Folds, Crowded House, etc culminating with a performance with Neil Hannon and the Divine Comedy. I'd say, Neil, GO NUTS, you need a 100? 200? people in the orchestra, you got it!

Saturday -- We'd call it beautiful nostalgia day, one in which Bon Jovi, Billy Joel, Bruce Springsteen with an acoustic guitar minus the e-street band, Dylan circa early 70's and others.

Sunday -- The b-side band day, likes of the bluetones, snug, mando diao, thirteen sense, jj72 -- throw my two current favorites roman candle and blind pilot in -- with headliner roxette

-- of course we'd have to have some belle and sebastian in there too --

fast cars, fine a$$ these things will pass and it won't get more profound

2009-09-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

My nocturnal behavior of late afforded me the opportunity to finally watch 'meet joe back', 12 years after its release. I had no idea Joe was death, and no idea I would enjoy the movie so much.

The first scene is striking yet tragic for hopeful romantics; striking b/c it can always happen, tragic b/c people are victims of societal devices. People get so close yet so far. The girls says something like 'It's so true it's scary.'

Later the father tells her daughter this --

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

--
This idealism of the finest sort is why I continue to walk alone. If I'm chasing something abstract, so be it, the quest will last a lifetime.

How I want that mystery, Let me dive 'til I believe, I had a dream you were two towns from me Got to sleep, spent the whole night running

2009-09-26T08:05:00.001-07:00

Running on about 3-4 hours of sleep today in lieu of musical schedules. I once read that eddie vedder used to stay up for days and then go surfing, hence writing songs like Alive.

I think many things have come to life in my subconscious which are floating up, changing habits and perceptions.

I see life back home more vibrant, and I often become anxious to re-engage, however, too much too soon.

Often I've pondered the difference b/w wanting and needing someone, here I'm developing a super clear delineation b/w the two as they pertain to my future. There's not much I need moving forward, just to be understood, practically and potentially.

The physical texture of this situation is what's hard to describe. There is no allure, excitement, aesthetic -- rather a drab tapestry that fades into the distance.

I've seen enough t-walls, dirt roads, and brown skies to last a lifetime. The sunrise is beautiful, more so than back home -- at night, when the full moon rises, BAM, great light.

So, if you sit down heavy with your pen and ink, Or you’re talking to yourself while you’re scrubbing the sink

2009-09-21T18:46:00.001-07:00

It's been a long time since I've clung to a band like the past few months with Roman Candle.

What makes me gravitate towards them? Clear, concise lyrics -- While reading amazon review I see the album bashed because of the literal nature of the lyrics, and how that tends to get annoying.

My response, not everything has to be so damn ironical. Next thing you know someone will bring a live duck on stage and squeeze a quack out of it at the opportune time, in much awe of the iphone laden crowd.

I think about the media and their fear factors and survivors and the slippery slop that they constantly have to slide down to up the ante. Politics, religion, the economy, relationships, photo shopped objects of your affection, you name it, its been polarized, sensationalized and altered.

I've made a concerted effort in life to be one of those that SLAMS on the breaks of this nonsense. Life is a balance between patience and tolerance, and people who understand that usually make balanced and informed decisions.

Four times is once too much for love That's how many times the clock struck, I wandered home, saying your name

2009-09-16T18:15:00.001-07:00

Often I think about what would some of my musical heroes (Billy Bragg, Neil Hannon of the Divine Comedy, Sondre Lerche, Ben Folds, the gang from Belle and Sebastian, and of course Neil Finn of Crowded House) do out here staring at this ambiguity everyday.

I'm certain their imagination would keep them company, and this point would be a stark point of contrast for life moving forward.

Often I'm thrust back to vivid imagery in the past. I recall 10 pm sunlight at Park Bar Edinburgh Scotland, walking home at 4 am speaking to a roughneck working in the rugged land up north. I recall a gal telling my friends they danced like wildebeests, and the perfect 4 leaf clover made on the top of my Guinness by the barkeep.

Flash forwarding I'd love to experience rain falling on a lonely tenement, as in Belle and Sebastian's Get me Away from Here I'm dying. I will add that to my color pallet in Eastern Euro one day while focusing my studies on building micro economies in a globalized world. It's hard looking forward, getting caught up in daydreams; while the mind is grown, my immediate environment is a perpetual skipping record.

So we can walk around and we can laugh all night, it's hard to fit a lot of years in a Friday night, cause there always seems to be something left to say

2009-09-12T18:21:00.001-07:00

15 year class reunion next year. When I was a younger lad I couldn't wrap my head around this sentiment. I once read that at your 10 year anniversary, you show up in a BMW and say, hey, look how cool and successful I am, at 20 years, you show up in a minivan and check the ego at the door and actually have more fun.

I look back at the strange trip its been since graduating 27th out of 44 class of 1995 Shiner Texas. I got accepted to the fine Texas State University on academic probation and proceeded to make the deans list first semester b/c I finally read the f*cking manual. After that, my attitude was 'I don't need to stinking study too hard.'

Today I know there are many things that require you to put on your thinking cap. I have always been quick to cast stones on different ideas and agendas where a supporting nudge in the direction of choice would have been much better.

I spend my days learning about growth, the game we thrust on ourselves; its seemingly the only barometer for defining success. I like money -- One track mindedness brings us to this day.

I will spend my time and energy interjecting sustainability and aesthetic into our one sided definition of virtue, as a product of this, I'll win big time at the game we play.

Fast forward to 15, 20, 25 year reunions, I will have stories to tell and I hope to be able to share them with someone. Conversation with someone who gets you is the biggest factor in human happiness.

Toasting to world peace, Baghdad Iraq --

Tenants of the house, Thoughts of a dry brain in a dry season

2009-09-07T11:15:00.001-07:00

Switching between Bon Jovi's New Jersey album and dailylit.com's TS Eliot poetry samples leaves me with a nice balance for the day.

That's what you got here in Baghdad, scenarios and environmentals that will condition you for a bright future. I've come to really like it out here, although I don't want to stay a day longer than needs be.

The body out here develops attributes like that of a date tree; needs little water and provides a nice fruit. My will power will be fully tested when back home drinking from the fountain of plenty.

It's amazing whats at the post exchange, everyday commodities like toiletries and basic foods on one side, and electronics of all sorts on the other. Has society become that ingrained with technology as to need it alongside bread and water?

This experience has made me cherish moments back home. I miss waking up hangover-less with a cup of green tea, shower, and access to 'mp3 blog Saturdays,' days in which i troll the blogs for new music and listen whilst preparing for day, weekend, week, month, and long term goals and visions.

Here you have your work life and sleep, and time for gym and chow here and there in between. The downtime comes in very short segments, and your tolerance for even the most moderate personalities is tested.

I doubt after this experience I'll ever have the conviction to raise my voice at anyone (as if I really ever have). Life's too short for that, as the quote says, an argument just interrupts a good conversation.

This is a dry country (not county), and its been 120 days since I've had a beer. I'm looking ahead to predict consumption patterns when returning to reality, my prediction, only on special occasions, and days that end in 'Y' don't constitute special occasions.

I ordered 5 new retail for 72 dollar Lacoste shirts on ebay for 125. Why? Because the 7 $12 gap shirts I brought out for the occasion have shrunk, I believe the washing method is drenching your clothes in boiling water. According to the documentary 'Iraq for Sale', each bag of laundry runs 99 bucks to wash. You sure could buy some viagara for that money back home.

I came out here and couldn't do one pullup, now I can do 7 in a row. I came out not knowing what a 'dip' was, now I can do 30 in a row. I walk 1 mile to work and back twice a day. I do the wimpy treadmill for 30 minutes on a good day, 28 on a bad one.

The average temp since touchdown I'd say is about 110. Often you have these storm type atmospheres, where back in Texas would be followed by rain, here there is no rain. A buddy of mine said it sprinkled in March for a few minutes, and there was a sort of rain last October, a festive occasion in which scores of people whipped out there digital cams to take pics of the concrete.

The stench, filth, litter and civil disobedience can be at times uncanny, but much is kept in check by keeping the money flowing to company coffers.

When I look back on this 10 years from now, what I'll remember is valiant effort against monumental issues, having no idea how its going to all play out --

I Can't Say for Certain Honey Where I'm Bound, Got no Rich Relations got no extra time

2009-09-05T11:42:00.001-07:00

But there's one thing I've learned for fact, There's a Music You can Only Hear When You're Starting from Scratch

I let the beautiful words of Roman Candle fill my Bose noise cancelling headphones, I get whisked away to what I'm almost sure will be a more elegant time in life.

Tonight I think the pros and cons of integrating the past vs starting from scratch. Often you mistake a blank piece of paper for one that's been written on too much and too often.

First I think, society makes it hard for one to start from scratch. We have our affiliations, groups, families, friends, ideas, preconceived notions and environments. On the contrary, we always wake up to a new day, we have opportunities that surround us everyday, and we make conscious decisions weather to partake or ignore.

My buddy posted a quote on facebook that said something like, 'life is a book, and for those who don't travel only read one page.' I couldn't agree more.

Travelling allows one to start from scratch and broader horizons. While the experience allows you to flap your wings, it also enables you to distinguish different harmonies. John Lennon and Paul McCartney had amazing harmonies; while we can't sing like these legends, we can develop these harmonies in our conventional lives only if we are able to acknowledge and distinguish their existence.

Eastern Europe has been my blank page for some time. I'm allured to a much simpler life - the big box stores, advertising that subconsciously tries to manipulate my thoughts, and the game, as described by Neil Strauss is all too much.

don't play neil young, don't play bob dylan, just let some high school emo rock band start versing and chorusing

2009-09-02T23:32:00.001-07:00

Being deployed is much like prison, lots of time for reading and exercise.

My current favorite philosopher / statesman, Cicero of Ancient Rome, considered one of the most versatile minds of the time.

the books for the time, 29% done, 71% to go --

Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy
Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game - I'm not money hungry, I want to learn about money and the game so I can better understand how the world works. In times of war, the person with coin can build an army.
China Road - fascinating trip down route 312 I hope to do on a Harley one day, v1 of map
Earth The Sequel - Want to read about practical innovations for the environment, here's the place.
Work Hard Be Nice - Two teachers take on challanges from a grassroots level
and Currently - The Barmaid's Brain: And Other Strange Tales from Science

I have the keys in my mind, but no car for a while, probably a good thing --

You got a nice white dress and a party on your confirmation, You got a brand new soul,mmmm, And a cross of gold, But Virginia they didn't give you quite enough information

2009-09-02T00:54:00.001-07:00

Something you won't hear in mainstream media who is entertaining and pitting American vs American in ideological battles.

The biggest market drop in 15 months seems to be because the institution investors in Shanghai decided to initiate a big sell off. The Shanghai index is largely off limits to foreign investment. It's grown over 50% this year, and now has contracted 23%. What it certainly means is that we as a nation are losing the ability to hedge. At one point we were the Atlas that the free world could trust for growth and stability, we've lost that trust, time will tell if we'll ever get it back.
Anytime something big is purchased on credit, (house, car, lots of consumer debt) it gets bundled into collateral, which usually lands in a US Treasury bill, which most of the world owns at a cool return on investment percentage. China has a 1.7 trillion dollar credit, if our tbills don't hold their value, we both lose.
Our money machines in this country are going overtime printing money. The reason, someone has to spend, we can't just act like their aren't any implications to the mass consumerism stoppage. China sees our printing presses going and does the same but in double time, thus begins their transition from a more export based economy to a more consumer based economy.
China has been looking outward since the 70's, after a very sad history century under Chairman Mao. China Road is an excellent book that catalogues all the onion layers of the developing nation as they integrate their people and religions; Confucianism, Islam, Buddhism, atheism and the rest.
Opportunists have been heading east, people who strive for stability have been heading for the Euro
A quote from China Road goes something like this, "We've ran the race and reached our destination and now have poured ourselves a big cold one, out east, the journey is just beginning"

It's something our great nation is forgetting, "Live together, Die Alone"

They drive the same road drifting over to your side

2009-08-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

Your dreams will become part of the future and coincide with the past, You spend all your time by the radio waiting for the signal, But inside, you’ll always feel the same, even when you wake up.

Lyric from Fanfarlo's tune Harold T. Wilkins, or How To Wait For A Very Long Time

--
I ponder the motivation for writing. I like...

1 -- Parsing through 600-1000 RSS feeds in my feed reader, I've come to appreciate prose that's going somewhere. Ranting facts, regardless of truth is certainly merits for snoozing. Reading boldface that has relevance / good title is great, which would allow you to sniff the info, then decide if you want to take the plunge.

2 -- Reading personal accounts, especially of friends. I can count my friends on one hand that keep and maintain a personal blog. A few take that hard look inside, those people I feel very close with emotionally even though we're miles away.

--
Keeping in the spirit of bullet point #2, I've been probing for years and plopping that out on the internet as fodder, learning about myself, giving others a lens into what's going on in my mind.

Seems like I've been going in circles lately without chasing any tail, no pun intended.

However, call it what you will, I believe these personal sentiments all add up to one big goal, or one big coincidence, all you have to do is keep chuggin' away and meander that river in the right direction.

My boy Brendan Benson has a new album out, and like he says, all it takes is a Tiny Spark, and I'll be writing with purpose and theme, till then, how bout' another concentric circle outward.

Trading gossip with the twilight creeps, Killing the flowers that were planted for you

2009-08-24T09:36:00.001-07:00

Rounding out the month Ramadan here, I bet the Mosques are full.

I keep going back to this amazing piece by Neil Postman about Technology, something that was written I believe in the 80's, but rings true now more than ever.

Technology enables. For those who aren't familiar with the capabilities of technology, you get 'greats!' from people who have a vision. While there are many resounding 'GREATS!' out there in the world, the contrary viewpoint suggests, 'wow, this has many implications that possibly haven't been taken into account.'

Postman says we know everything the 18th century didn't know, and we forgot all it did know.

The other day I was heading the DFAC with some comrades, I pull out the iphone and begin to play a game of risk. A friend says, 'what the hell are you doing?,' implying thier presence isn't good enough for you to leave the phone alone. Back home its always been a queue for me to exit stage left when someone begins to play with their phone, and I've always tried to extend that courtesy to the next fella. Next time I'm out with mates and dates and friends, I'm not going to text, tweet or facebook at the expense of company.

It's amazing the sheer volume of content out there, and amazing how diluted it has become. Post a quote from a Roman philosopher, you get nothing back, post 'I farted' and you get 13 responses. Idiocracy has come true.

The new web technologies, esp. twitter is a mechanism that lets you expose your inner soul, so as the tag line says, and a rhetorical questioned posed for all, are you going to trade gossip with the twilight creeps at the expense of the figurative and / or literal flowers that were planted for you?

Well my wife still respects me even though I really misused her, I am having an affair with the random computer

2009-08-16T03:23:00.001-07:00

Coming to the desert has given me TIME. Time to collect, time to plan, time to gather, time to access. Sorta like the weekend getaway but much, much longer. Complaining about the enviable or things unchangeable has become a thing of the past.

Once my time is up, I plan to explode in the direction of my next goal, the next plan, and do more than strive for the extraordinary, but take that next step, doing it decisively and with great conviction.

While moving in that direction, finding like minded people is tough. One day the white noise left my head, which lead to malaise in body and spirit. Overcoming these personal mile markers is the ultimate triumph in human spirit.

While striving pragmatically towards a goal or mission, personal prejudices almost always shine through, diluting the goal to something in your head that's manageable. For instance, if your pursuit is the almighty dollar, things like politics only become an excuse for the weak: Mark Cuban says, 'Getting rich is the most patriotic thing you can do, and it's a hell of great problem to have.'

We're living in times like Mark Twain suggests, 'where you're more loyal to a political ideology than you are the country', if that's what the populous wants, that's what they get. Issues in the world today transcend politics, and if we don't we refuse to accept that, someone else will take the ball and run with it.

Sensationalism is what's been killing the pragmatic mind in America. Words that you hear on the news, the speculative frenzy of media lies and twists, and the dumming down of every problem into a sound byte that's digestible by pop culture. 'Hey, look what I saw on tv, hey, look what my favorite pundit said, or even hey look what i read.' Somewhere in the hearts and minds of all of us, regardless of if we're a plumber or a computer guy, we're now the subject matter experts on health care, global warming, jihad or any other issue currently at hand.

The opposite of sensationalism is ideas. The idea virus shy's away from sensationalism, and as society evolves and clumps together, who wins is now who speaks the loudest and uses the most absurd words to exclaim their point. Meanwhile the idea bubble will form somewhere else, and the money will follow.

What it means for me moving forward: Ideology doesn't play nearly as huge of a role in my goals as relativism and transcendentalism. This mindset has allowed me to have conversations from all spheres of ideas from smart people that I'd never sit at the table together, for arguing ideological semantics is destructive to transcendental thought.

Regardless of your definition of progress, we will do so when the mass demand it.

Deal me in and I'll pick my cards up off the floor I'll see a lucky coin And raise a pack of lies

2009-08-14T12:07:00.001-07:00

Was thinking about toasting here's to life, but I can't stomach a near beer tonight. Instead a big fat piece of cake, China Road and Flight 666 on my off time while sitting at work.

Tonight I think about the meaning of success, and the varying levels. Music for instance, artists used to get a record deal, sell out stadiums and enjoy phenomenal fan bases. Now in the digital era and the abundance of talent and availability, what defines the new Metallica, Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, etc.

There's songs that reach pop culture b/c its all they can digest, songs that reach a plurality b/c they speak to the heart of something substantial, and there's a new breed, something more abstract, that's meaningful yet impersonal and in subtle ways painful and abrasive. Not painful and abrasive in the sissy Linkin Park way (its like a roller coaster, its scary on the surface, but in reality good family fun.), but rather something that's defining a mindful yet confused faction of society.

Success is where you set the goalposts, for as New Rules puts it, "In a network, the more opportunities that are taken, the faster new opportunities arise" -- no chance in keepin' up.

I got the Jeep, She got the two bedroom-mortgage is due-siding light blue palace

2009-08-11T23:39:00.001-07:00

Catchpenny is spinning (??) in my MP3 player. I would say they're a mix between Snug and Fastball with the hometown vibe of Kissenger.

What makes the band special? They do shows in Iraq. More than opportunism makes one hop on a plane to do something like that, call it curiosity, patriotism, or just good old fashion adventure.

A few weeks ago I said I'd like to take my judging and critique hat off in more circumstances. Fast forward a few weeks, letting more in is allowing me to extend dialogue, both verbally and digitally.

Tomorrow I am going to see Mark Chestnutt, Didn't really know his work, but after a couple songs he kinda reminds me of a modern day Charlie Pride.

Let’s get a silver bullet trailer and have a baby boy, I’ll safety-pin his clothes all cool and you’ll grafitti up his toys

2009-08-10T10:40:00.001-07:00

Regina Spector seems like the coolest gal ever to hang with. Not only does she do great duets with my boys Ben Folds and Sondre Lerche, she's got the tunes with the beat, the lyrics with the heart, and we can't forget the perfect body with eyelashes that catch her sweat.

Makes me think of things I'd love to do with a significant other one day, as per dreamy song lyrics and other scenerios--

Go check out the coast of Montenegro because it was Steve Malkmus's favorite target in The Hook
Catch a bon jovi show in switzerland in a cool summer day with rain included

ahhh, well, that's all i got for now

In a hot air balloon with a rusty nail, Looking over your shoulder and setting sail

2009-08-09T04:22:00.001-07:00

What I had for dinner....hmm -- Now that's a great question --

Peoples perceptions about being out in the middle of the desert lead you to believe bugs, sloppy goo in a bag, prison style porage, etc --

In reality, its easier to eat a balanced / healthy meal here than in the states. Also, its easier to gorge yourself silly on icecream, cheesesteak, or any other fried goodness. For the spending record, every Friday night is 'surf and turf' (steak and lobster), lets just round it to 150,000 people. Not to mention the carbon footprint of getting it from under the sea to here! WHEW!

Lately its been like Obama's first ride on Air Force One. The cook says 'what do you want to eat, we have everything' -- Obama's response, 'You got some sandwiches?'

---

Entertainment --

Nill, other than media from the Amazon lifeline in the form of Iron Maidens Flight 666, a blueray of Roy Orbison and also a concert of The Who circa long time ago. The actual physical CD has become my friend again, as a typical CD will cost 5-7 bucks online.

Shoes --

Seems like I'm needing a new pair every six weeks, the lenght of walking is tremendous, the dust and sweat, and when rainy season comes mud -- really does a number on the zapatos.

The Near Beer --

Is God's Cruel Joke. I'm sitting next to a non-alcoholic Lowenbrau which I drank last night for sanity's sake. Immediately got me thinking of Berlin and finer times where I would cordially go up to the bar and request 'Zwei IceBier', in which two of these high alcohol content beauties would be placed in my hands.

The Work --

Is something for the mind and memory

The Shopping --

Something I had no idea how to imagine before I got out here, and something I still can't wrap my head around after seeing the options, or lack thereof.

Enrichment Opportunities --

Lots of time to work on your trade, they have a testing center here too to get certified on whatever you'd like. There are arabic classes, salsa classes, and a flurry of related generic'ish activities.

The Weather --

At first glance, hot, dusty and miserable. After getting acquainted, I'd say there's a mystical quality to it -- So hot during the day, but 6 AM the weather is gentle, as if the vast and open-ness of the landscape allowed this to blow in from....where?? perhaps Turkey? Who knows?, but its something I've been pondering, consequently while listening to Andrew Bird's 'Weather Systems' --

The Music --

Its harder to stay up with it, considering ONE mp3 takes about 10 minutes to download when you get to the chu's, and what very little bandwidth you have is best utilized for skype, and the courtesy of others.

The People --

Are a microcosm of the real world, good, bad, tricky, movers and shakers, you name it, it's here. The difference is everyone except for a handful of us roll around with guns. There's something surprisingly Orwellian about the psychology.

Overall --

Extraordinary

All these things will come to pass When heroes of the middle class Face up to their responsibilities

2009-08-06T12:18:00.000-07:00

before coming to the desert, a buddy of mine said 'the people will make all the difference' -- the textures of Islam in the distance, Ugandans playing soccer, plenty of America f*ck yea ice cream in the dfac do little to quell the monotony of the situations, but the personal relationships cultivated are priceless.

I came out here to see a whole different world, in physical reality, mindset, and to see a breath of spirit that is ever expanding into the open mind.

what's going to happen out here, hell who knows, when the money runs dry (o wait, that's happened) and popular opinion dwindles, my guess is some sort of parliamentary dictator will take hold, but we'll have them on strings.

afgan is the place, wow, what a fascinating and sad place the more you dig in -- we've taken their 'banks', i.e. opium fields, hence they're pissed. how's this for a challenge, 94% of your countries GDP comes from opium --

--

When I'm done here, I think I want to live here, and study here

All the Stars Seemed Lined Up in the Sky, Those 4 Letter words are in your Eyes

2009-08-04T12:32:00.000-07:00

Facebook has added visibility to my blog presence, 99% of this new base if newbies to facebook, but old friends, etc, etc, hence, adding a very personal aspect to writing. Every time that happens I get writers block.

Back in the old days I could blast out political sentiments, existential thoughts, and other points of contention and societal grind. It's harder to expand your boundaries and still have a plurality with the rapport of your friends and family -- It's easy to blast, blast, blast to the world, it has little consequence.

Society and its labels -- Throughout the years, people just don't know what to smack on me to help them understand what I think or feel. I've been affectionately been called 'communist, hippie, socialist, pacifist', blah blah, yet I work the defense contracting machine. I go to church more than most and yet I don't think the trinity will play a big part in my life, unless it's the matrix trinity.

Where have I been the last couple years...to hell and back emotionally would be an understatement, all self inflicted b/c for the most part I lived a charmed life. Self inflicted hell is what motivates me, it's the hard 20 after the easy 80 has been accomplished is where I find comfort.

Most points of discussion / argument in social culture have been settled in my mind, hence much of what I see and hear is aggregated is skewed, tired and old. Life to me is a pursuit of interest and unique opportunities and conversation. My passion lies in talking about politics, religion and the girl.

I've had several people say I've fell into a bout' with pessimism; I agree, and we can't have that. I've been regaining a positive mental attitude, and I feel that it's going to come back with vibrancy.

Life out here in the desert has helped buy my freedom from economic shackles, putting the world in an oyster. I've had to do a lot of life maneuvering to get here, more cuts and jukes to come.

My blog visibility used to be to 20 or so loyal readers, now critiques come from different people who I had no idea tuned in -- The friends I have in my first few concentric rings of influence I think is an interesting microcosm of people that bring a ton of different perspective to the table.

So the nudging, judging, perceived narrow perceptions of readers and also the writer is all a part of establishing a strong rapport with all dear in my life. Not everyone will like or agree, but I'm thinking it all through, often out loud --

For the foreseeable future, I will focus on the lighter side of things, and the hopeless romanticisms life has to offer --

An address to the golden door, I was strumming on a stone again Pulling teeth from the pimps of gore when hatched

2009-08-03T01:07:00.000-07:00

I can't really wrap my head around short selling the market. This week I'm going to conduct an experiement based on companies that are expected to do well.

Initial capital = 5,000

Expected daily return = 3%

Commission Fees = 26 bucks / day

Stock that I think will perform well per day --

monday - hum
tuesday - ice
wed - axs
thurs - awh
fri - mir

if i'm right, the pflight of 5,000

Monday = $5,124.02
Tuesday = $5,277.74
Wed = $5,436.07
Thurs = $5,599.16
Fri = $5,767.13

There are other points to ponder, on a general level, I'm going to see how this plays out

I like scenerios one and two, I'm focusing on mastering scenerio 1 first, then moving on to the rest --

This is believe me music, this is forget me music This is who can love me you know, this aint no roxy music

2009-07-31T12:36:00.000-07:00

in a nutshell, living out shines a spotlight on the difficulty i have living under conventional circumstances.

sure there are concrete walls everywhere, the bed sucks, dust and sand everywhere, the food fluctuates, and the days are short, months are long.

back home are relationships, commutes, politics and media and all you can eat.

life is exciting and meaningful, both the beauty and the struggle is in the little details.

lots of pop psychology and philosophy floating around in my head, too tired to organize --

beer in my lap, one window down, bird in the tree, kiss on the mouth

2009-07-17T15:22:00.000-07:00

Lots of time for introspection in the desert, working the noon to midnight shift, a ritual of mine is hanging out facing the airport over a man made lake, looking at the planes and helicopters flying around.

Thinking about history, what always went down in the books was were the civilizations 'rubbed', not the Greek guy chillin out eating grapes, BUT, I've learned to understand how to cherish those times......at least mentally.

The world turns while you're out here, I have very little baggage or obligation in life and I still feel it -- I can't imagine how families must *cope* with being away from each other.

Phases one goes through, denial, anger, acceptance -- I'm beyond the acceptance phase and have reached the phase of pragmatism in wanting to get something done, both for the job and personally.

The late nights remind me of the dreary fast paced nostalgia I lived months ago. Life has done a 180, I'm doing the time to empower myself to do extraordinary things with my life. At times its hard, but at the same time this is the perfect catalyst for me to dot the i's and cross the t's in my life, and straighten the bowling pins before knocking them down again.

I've consistently been hard on others, perhaps moreso than myself in life, I've really come to realize that out here. I've judged so much and still do, I go about thinking, wow, 'they're settling.' A better way to look at things is 'they are just framing their realities in a different way.'

Reality has lost 'center' for me, and many parts of me are glad that this has happened, I'm in a minset of minute by minute growth. I feel I have to re-define what conventional means to me and for me so I can bring others into the equation.

This has been on repeat the last few days -- I Was a Fool by Roman Candle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RuOvEimumY

Out in the evening past the bridge and below
frogs and cicadas left and right growling low.
I've spent so much time round here when spring is done
been here a thousand times, not heard a single one.
Birds in the morning while I'm shoveling the snow
coffee pot wheezing soft as my stereo

All of the things I've had whether I've known or not
All of the things I've known and then somehow forgot

When I was young riding around
beer in my lap, one window down
bird in the tree, kiss on the mouth
I thought that I had figured it out
I was a fool. Then I met you.

Dusk was the longest hour when I was a kid.
Beautiful things sometimes can seem pretty hid.
Funny the things that make you want to walk the land
are the things sometimes you barely understand.

Found lots of crooked road before I found you
hard to curse any road but sometimes you do.
Feeling all strung out, drawn up from head to gut
I was calling out, I didn't know for what

When I was young riding around
beer in my lap, one window down
bird in the hand, kiss on the mouth
I thought that I had figured it out

All of these things so hard to find
up in my face, lost to my mind
hand on the knee, kiss on the mouth
I thought that I had figured it out
I was a fool.

He's ahead of his time you know but, he cant use it - If only he could prove it

2009-07-12T06:43:00.001-07:00

One of the 'most fun' things out here is water detail. We make an assembly line out the building and proceed to bring 6 huge pallets of water outside the building to inside. If the '12 packs' are extremely dirty, we feel like we haven't got our money's worth.

Planning a trip down the old silk road in China, on one of these , can't wait to go, meanwhile I'm reading about Republic of Letters.

Weary sun, sleep tonight, go crashing into the ocean, Cut the line that ties the tide and moon, ancient and blue

2009-07-08T11:44:00.001-07:00

General Updates --

The heat is much better than the dust, tomorrow the 'feels like ' index will be 138, its not describable
Big difference between the sand and dust, dust is much worse
one word, Jackyl, not the chainsaw solo band, but the animal, subject to many jokes around here concerning lonely soldiers, etc
Seriously thinking about taking the 'chernobyl tour' when i'm done here, either in the winter next summer
cd's are my best friend, if i have a new compilation a day, it brightens my day
lots of opportunities i'll have leaving this place for sure, but opportunities are finding me here as well

Been very lucky to have met some lifelong buddies here, and very lucky to have several points of reference back home. I'm used to this already, and for someone 'like me', it has been a feat. It means not just getting along, but functioning and thriving in a mindset I'm far from accostomed to --

I miss a lot of folks back home, I often think about them, how it would be like if certain individuals were out here in the desert, and things spoiled people would complain about.

irregular water flow and temperature
coat of dust on everything 10 minutes after cleaning, a thick coat after a week
long, long walks in the hot hot heat
eating the same thing over and over and over and over
driving / travelling conditions that are to the point where you'd rather NOT go anywhere
staying inside ALL day b/c it isn't too bearable outside
zero aesthetic, 5000 percent bizarre
walking on a dark sidewalk seeing someone ahead of you thinking, are they going to go postal today?
no 24 by 7 coverage of monkey trials or pop star funerals

The disparities, to the victors go the spoils

ac ducts hanging out of our buildings equipped with generators and portable ac's, b/c its probably cheaper than fixing the existing french versions
people throwing plate full of assorted stuff away while people starve in the distance
having the gun that says, we see your missle, and we'll shoot it down before it hits anything
Quran w/ Democracy, a question that has plagued western civilization, it ain't going to be answered anytime soon
creative ways to have fun out here, many of these things are burned into my head already
we do have a store, it has about 10 things in it, including a 20 dollar microfiber towel i dream about every day

Back in the day I wrote with a point, now I just ramble -- I have some points, just don't know how to make them, till then I'm poaching, hoping a jakyl doesn't piss on me --

OO, This Feeling Is Wonderful, Don't You Ever Turn it Off --

2009-06-29T12:30:00.000-07:00

evilution happens to everything, including twitter, in 140-whatever characters -- i boast i got an account the first day it opened at the dreaded sxsw interactive festival, my evolution of twitter is --

1 - saying what i had for lunch
2 - talking about all the cool things i've done
3 - talk about all the cool things i've done, and also aggrigating tidbits on life, love and links

certainly MOST, not all individuals who don't use it for facts and figures dine at the FEAST of EGO, in an UNPERSONAL BARREN WASTELAND WHERE NO ONE CARES! --

That's why after the buzzfactor is going, its not a viable business option, because its impersonal, and biz-ness these days is all about personal interaction. 10,000 or so people now see the 'great idea' from the iconoclast of choice, so hence, the idea isn't the science, the personal interaction is the new hotness.

Why do I think so, b/c no one in the TWITisphere seems to care about that, they're all overexerted to the bone, trying to do more, see more, act more, feel more, MORE MORE MORE --

It's not sustainable in the environment, and its not sustainable to one's soul --

Scoble says it best, when actual work was being done, not the exploitation of work -- and I cut and past --

------

Drama vs. Helpfulness, how I will rebuild a friendship

by Robert Scoble on June 29, 2009

Twitter. It almost means drama. Heck, for those who didn’t catch musician Wil.i.am and Perez Hilton going at it over on Twitter you can get a whif of the kind of things that seem to happen in our real-time entertainment-focused world.

I have drunk too much from that world.

It’s too easy to be nasty. To build alliances, mobs, and use them to hurt people. I know, I’ve been on both the receiving end of that and the giving end of it too.

But I’m going the other way. How can I be helpful?

Yesterday I reminisced about the good old days, when coders ruled the world, not drama. Code isn’t dramatic. It either works, or it doesn’t.

Code doesn’t incite riots. Code doesn’t call people names. Code doesn’t end friendships.

So, I’m leaving the drama world to those who want to use Twitter to riot, to harm, to hurt, or to cause a fight to encourage people to click on their links so they can get the page views and get paid.

Tonight a friend says he’s ending his friendship with me. I don’t care how or why, but I’ll work to be helpful again. I used to be helpful.

I used to help by being excited by seeing the coolest latest startups. I used to help by trying out all the latest technology and knowing more about how to use it than anyone else.

That is still there, but it’s been repressed by the real time world. The drama. The fights.

My friend is noticing the same thing, although he’s articulating it badly. So am I.
It takes two to fight, so now I’m off. How to be helpful?

Well, for one, have you tried Feedly? I’m playing with it and it is now my favorite way to read

Google Reader’s feeds and tell the world about who has the best blogs. Yeah, it only works with Firefox, but most of you should be using that anyway. Would love to help out.

Anyway, earlier today I wrote that with every tweet we have a choice: helpful or hurtful. I’m trying to be helpful. Kick me if I’m not.

i never really thought it would be like this, i know its kinda hard but i'm glad that it is --

2009-06-24T13:39:00.000-07:00

idealism has always had a tendancy to bring out the best of the worst of me, today that tug of war rages on --

ever since i learned the expression 'when you point a finger, six get pointed back at you' -- i've made earnest effort to sit back, take 27 deep breaths, take what i think are the shortcomings in others, internalize and reflect on myself the mental notes i've taken of others.

often times i wonder, does that introspection and self enrichment pay off? i think 'what percentage of the population is trying to improve themselves, and what percentage increase are they doing to achieve 'better ground' .5, 5, 15 or 50% --

squandered talent KILLS ME being a c student in high school, passing college by a gray nose hair, and generally speaking working harder than the next fella, often times a lot harder --

squandered time is relative, damn if i'm not finding myself apathetic more often than not the last few weeks, there's an invisible to me mountain i'm pushing against emotionally, one of two things will happen 1- the moutain will reaveal itself to me, or 2 - i'm like hmmm, this just got easier, what happened --

i'm searching for answer one, so i don't have to climb that mountain again --

i'm finding its a great thing to have expections of people, but finding it difficult to factor that in the living a extraordinary life effortlessly.

--
lately my thoughts lack a central theme, i hate it when i read stuff that i can't derive a central them from as much as i hate watching movies like 'snatch' --

undertones will tell the tale of my past to me, or good stories for people that are close to me -- stories that i don't have trouble articulating --

two butterflies tie knots in his stomach they love it when he goes too fast

2009-06-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

wind whistles past round oceans of air that will mess up his hair though he no longer cares anymore --

wow, perpetual bad mood only is illeviated by thoughts of --- wow, what's neil hannon doing now, what is the gang from belle and sebastian doing in glasgow, how bout billy bragg, or sondre lerche -- guess they've never been to iraq, i don't think we'll see them on a moral tour here anytime soon.

the heat is UNF*#@%&^ING believeable, this sentiment coming from a native Texas boy -- not to mention the dust, wow, man vs. all sorts of things out here.

onion layers continue to peel off, it's a good thing -- its like the soul's 'fat suite' comes right off -- binge drinking comes to mind --

only two months in, i know coming back i'm going to have a hard time 'adjusting' to civilization. i'm going to see inefficiency everywhere i go, from the showers to the commutes, to the apathy seen in peoples faces, and the general lack of care and consideration for your fellow human.

i keep talks back home short, its great to see and hear friends and family. there are some folks here that never truly accepted they are here, i've come to accept that i'm here for a good while, and i'm having a good go at it.

two nights ago, after a few hours in the heat, i'm laying in bed, cold room, and my body temp is off -- throw on the cover for 30 seconds and i'm hot -- i will have to do something for my poor feet soon too. :(

--
as we inject some capitalism into this nation, here's a quote from stalin of mother russia, maybe my friends would stop calling me a communist one day if i quite quoting brutal dictators --

“The people who cast the votes don't decide an election, the people who count the votes do.”

--
wow, just re-read this, i'm all over the place -- need to recollect

You kept running, You Got Money You Got Fame, Every Morning, I See Your Picture from the Train

2009-06-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

Its not about having the right answers, but rather asking the right questions. My question has always been, 'how do you develop unconventional talents in a conventional world?'

-- haven't done it in my magical armchair
-- not in the pubs or on dates
-- not by hanging around people with the same mindset
-- not by knowing everything about everything or wanting to learn everything about anything
-- not even by tuning in to the emerging social scenes online

what's done more for me than all of that in just two months

-- going somewhere where most have guns
-- seeing post apocalyptic vehicles in real life and not just on mad max
-- tied to the plow 84 hours a week
-- hearing the sound of islam 500 yards away and going....'huh?, what is that?'

what i've found is a hard balance between judgement and perception --

-- why does it take moving to the desert to see a right wingers perspective on war?

-- why does it take moving a right winger to watch a polar ice cap fall off to convince climate change --

What I can do back home to be unconventional

-- listen to others
-- know where to take the conversation after inception
-- don't talk passionately about 1/2 of 1 percent of the picture

the world has some problems while we lament on

-- who to blame for it
-- how to sell it
-- the best way to stay distracted

----
Right now I think back to a moment in time, what was going on in my head when I was living in Queen Bee's basement, and Belle and Sebastian's The Life Pursuit album hit the torrents -- O how the times have changed.

And all my senses seem to shine through the day, honey that's okay Yes all my senses seem to shine in the night, honey that's alright

2009-06-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

A buddy said what you'll experience on a deployment, 'youll never been happy, sadder, pissed on, pissed off, tired, energetic, etc' in your life, -- I'd say there's a lot of truth to that. Lately is hysterical laughter, the kind that only comes with 42 straight 12 or so hour days.

Random Thoughts --

Things that will change when I get back home (will cross reference in 6 months)

-- will be EXTREMELY happy to see the family

-- change my 20% lazy time to 2% lazy time

-- really work out some tough arrangements on the guitar

-- stay in super shape, eat right'ish

Trancendental Thoughts --

-- if everyone had at least 25k invested in common stock in America (not 401k, etc), there'd be a totally different perception of the economy, market forces and how pub debates are framed. the more you look the more ick' is revealed. classic enslavement that's been going on since the advent of trade.

-- every time i see a mention of tribal bs political talk I gremace. rome burned, the track we're on we're heading to the same fate, same as it ever was

-- oil enslaves us, 'recoveries' are blocked due to the price of oil, and my thoughts, american hedge funds try to drive up the price while opec tries to keep it down -- i'm trying to wrap my head around that one.

-- growth at the expense of mother nature suggests her nudging us off the planet, sustainibility will require A-BOMB project type coordination times 100, I'm ready. i understand what's good for water skiing isn't good for snow skiing, but there's something looming.

Tonight I throw myself into, and out of the red, out of her head she sang

2009-06-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

tonight i get the 'twitter and social networking is stupid' tongue and cheek speech. although i think social networking is just a tool (garbage in and garbage out), it is a world flattener.

there's some iraqi officials on twitter, and i can say @yodude here's what i think about the world situation. in a nutshell that's a potential game changer.....if ---

people actually listen -- the key now isn't the idea, or listening, its execution, timing, vision and luck. good ideas are being given and consumed by so many people at this day and age, the part that you can control of a success equation is how bad you want it -- and from what my inclinations show me, people don't want much, they just talk a good game.

to this day i've never really 'wanted anything' bad enough to GRIND it out -- i desperately want to have something to sink my teeth into, until then its calculated decisions about where my life and career are going.

--
lately i've been thinking, i'm a fan of globalization WITHOUT growth. i think about what awareness does to the fertility rate, sustainability and repair (for instance, how long is that plastic smoothie cup going to stay in this man made lake, and how long is the lake going to be around?), and the true keys to the kingdom and happiness --

i've been thinking about how tired 'conventional war' is, and what's next on the horizon....clone wars, etc, etc --

i've been thinking about the hideous and sensationalist 'socialism' debate and how people get caught up in this. could it be that one day we're all so efficient we can cocoon in our chu's and have what we want on demand free of charge and free from work?

i've been thinking about how i want my stock to go up, so i can live on the interest earned --

i've been thinking about a hammock in the back yard in shiner, a really good one, laying in it all day and reading --

i've been thinking how i spend my days back home, and boy are there going to be some changes when i get back --

I'm an Outlaw, I Make my Livin' on the Run, My Life is Lonely, But I was born to Need No One

2009-06-12T13:10:00.000-07:00

The desert is small, seeing points of reference from back home can make your disposition do a complete 180 --

Calvanism, a suggestion, something I've always been afraid to approach, but I think here's the time and the place for it -- According to wiki, its The system is best known for its doctrines of predestination and total depravity.

Another tool to make sense of a different reality, why not grind your brain against it.

To balance

Firehouse, the 80's band I've been jammin' back to back to back nights on my jog. After this jaunt through the depths of knowing thyself and self actualization, I hope to end back up at Firehouse, for as if the laws of economics say 'mo money mo problems,' a deep dip into the brain grunge certainly hinders happiness.

Yes, I'm saying it, one day I think I'm just going to like shit with a beat, but its probably going to be Mozart and the gang.

To make a mountain of Your life is just a choice But I never learned enough To listen to the voice that told me always love

2009-06-11T13:36:00.000-07:00

for a solid 4-5 hours today i thought about mis-steps in my life, especially with people, things i'd like to make right -- on the myers briggs test, the last letter, based on my mood, i'm either a J (judgemental) or a P (perceptive).

Generally speaking, a more 'ideal human being' is a P. It means observing, cataloguing and all the other stuff that comes with action before thought. It constantly reminds me to think a situation through before making a snap judgement based on my ideology or prejudice.

this short amount of time out here at told me to look the other way in regards to what it petty, and get down to the heart of matters and see what needs renovation.

conflict, discontent, malcontent and other negative connotations don't advance agendas -- my personal agendas tell me to respect, respect, you have to show people respect.

the opportunity costs for negative emotions are enormous, as I get older I need to tear down those walls, all of them, and just let it flow --

its been a torturous day of sorts.

if music be the food of love, then play on

2009-06-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

Since arrival -- no movies, but i plan on coming home with 52 music dvds --

they bring 2 hours of smiles to my week, and it kinda makes me feel like i'm travelling without travelling

week 1 - josh ritter Live in Dublin
week 2 - foo fighters live in london (my first bluray disk ever, i must say its impressive)
week 3 - nirvana mtv unplugged in new york
week 4 - springsteen in philly (i think) circa 1975
week 5 - jeff buckley grace tribute (live from all over the place)

see you in another 5 weeks with the next 5

Make crosses from your lovers Throw roses in the rain Waste your summer praying in vain For a savior to rise from these streets

2009-06-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

Two prevailing thoughts --

1 -- how a song morphs with your through life, thunder road by springsteen when i was a kid was a jam, in high school i liked the 'you're not a beauty but hey you're allright' lyric, and now there's another peel that comes off that onion, wow sprinsteen is the man -- that's what it takes to sell out stadiums, write timeless tunes like that

2 -- 'deep economy' the book i'm reading says, ok, you're rich, now what? it takes about the perpetual growth models we promote and their implications on society. analysis says 10k a year is the cutoff point for happiness, you make more, the happiness curve goes down.

a hammock and bare feet will come for me sooner than later, that's happiness -- hopefully the abstract notion of true love come true to boot

High on a hillside, trucks are loading everything's ready to roll I sleep in the daytime, I work in the nightime

2009-06-09T12:22:00.000-07:00

Colbert is here in Baghdad this week, putting on some insane shows, giving away coveted army coins with the slogan 'heads we win, tales we win' -- The show goes on in front of a palace. Many would say this constitutes an 'America F*ck Yea' attitude as per Team America World Police. All pretty gutsy.

One thing Colbert said, something the account of, 'you guys are great, etc, some of yall have been here 4 or 5 tours, racking up frequent flier miles, enough for a free trip to Afghanistan.' -- Tonight, in the 'gang shower' complex I spoke with a gentleman who was here on his 4th tour. Ahhh, the human element that goes along with all this, families missing their wives and kids, makeups breakups bad moods ambiguity and most of all investment of precious time.

Today it struck me that I'm still sorta on 'leg one' of this marathon, I'd say mile 2 -- Many, or most rather have the 'freedom calculator' here, an excel spreadsheet that calculates to the second when they're able to go home.

Wow, days are hard, but they go relatively quick, relatively..

tonight i'm gonna eat apples and cherries, fruit that reminds me of you, days i spent asleep in the orchard, reminds me of people like you

2009-06-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

back to harping on the 'when you're a hammer, all you see is nails' routine ---

back home this is most prevalent in the bar scene. once i went out with a dental crew, i'm sitting in the corner talking to a lady about life while everyone is jammin' to the window to the wall and getting their groove on out there -- people hooking up see other people hooking up, hipsters see hipsters, so on and so forth.

army sees army, art sees art, music sees music, black sees black, white sees white, straight sees straight, gay sees gay, hardly little compromise.

I get about 15 - 20 minutes of american tv per day, fox to msnbc to cnn in the span of 15 minutes, and its all F*CK*NG GARBAGE. How can anyone watch ANY of that and take it with any grain of reality or relevance? Then its back to hammers seeing nails, people seeing and believing what they want to, so they don't have to think.

if you want to play the prophet man you got to learn the lines...compassion

2009-06-06T12:57:00.000-07:00

its funny watching the 'foreigners' here pick up American military tradition, especially at the chow hall when the individual slinging rice on your plate says 'here you go SIR' with potency.

prevailing currents of weather are interesting here, today was hot, but a relatively cool circular breeze was blowing.

times get long, i just have to keep in mind i'm running a marathon not a sprint --

with red lights flashign time to retire, and we turned the liquor store into a structure fire

2009-06-05T12:56:00.001-07:00

today i began thinking about careers, and the relevance people put in them, and how they so much strive to be like the person or position above them, beside them, beyond them, and they let it dictate how they live their lives.

baseball players who can hit the curve ball out of the park get paid big bucks, those who can switch hit and hit breaking balls are the superstars.

bad part about the world we live in is people get all giddy when they hit a single or double, and expect a-rod dollars for it. its the time when everyone gets a trophy, and you're bound for promotion reguardless. -- that's always been the same.

i'd say what got me to baghdad was swinging at a slyder in the dirt on a 2 and 2 pitch and running out a base hit. not an ideal situation, not what i wanted to do when i was in the batters box waiting to hit, but i sure am glad that i got that base hit.

hell, i might even have a cramp from running out the throw, but next time i'm at the plate and the perfect pitch comes, its going yard, and that time's coming.

why? not sticking to convention, not posturing my life for the next slop on the totem pole, but by something completely different, something very rewarding.

Hope in the freedom he can almost touch, Folk take for granted as they walk to church

2009-06-04T13:04:00.000-07:00

Thinking about the conflict in the middle east, I see two distinct tactics unfolding --

Two bullies back in middle school get in a fight,

1 -- they fight, beating each other up while everyone else is going 'woah', brutal, blah blah -- sometimes a whole brawl ensues, a free for all so to speak. at the end of it, the bullies at the least are all beat up, maybe even more, and then all go back to their places going damn, that shit hurt.

2 -- a principle gets in front of the bullies and says look, you ain't gonna fight.

The POTUS gave a speech today in Cairo, I wasn't able to see it, but a line that's been common through has been to focus on common interest, most reasonable minds in the middle east agree that violence isn't the way to roll.

Stats show (according to Newsweek) that G Dub and the boys killed 85% of the al qaeda, supposedly only 2-300 of those boogers left. Picking them out with the help of a moderate voice in Islam, which is most around here, is the way to do it.

Sure we could continue to do what Robin Williams said in 'Good Morning Vietnam' and say, 'Well sir, how do you know if they're the bad guy', 'Well we ask them, are you the bad guy? and if they say yes, we shoot em' -- but the transcendental approach is to refine the theocracries and academics.

Back to the bully analogy, there is some relevance to punching the bad guy in the face, the other bullies don't want to f*ck with you, however, both the strength and weakness of radical Islam is chaos and unorganization, and we're not dealing with bullies, we're dealing with weasels.

Sailing heart-ships thru broken harbors Out on the waves in the night

2009-06-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

At some point man invented the clock, driving a wedge between himself and god / nature.

Mathamatics led to currency lead to traders led to banks led to economics led to leverage, growth being the bottom line.

What happens when the market reaches 14k again, what about 28k -- It reminds me of something I read in a book recently about having 'enough.' When is 'enough' and what makes humans reach for the illusive dangling carrot, and what prevents their will power from holding back from the 50 inch tv?

So what is going to push humanity foward, past the age of consumption. The most powerful piece on the chess board is the queen, and I think the queen is going to push us to the next level. Queen = mother nature, and when I say she's going to push us to the next level, it means she's going to make the markets her b*tch.

It's happening now, first solar, etc, etc -- the markets will usher in the new age, only to be met with gradual irrevelance, don't ask me how' its going to happen, but that's my prediction. Could be her hiccuping us off the planet, could be us learning a little obedience and less arrogance.

Your perspective on the world doesn't change when you have money in your pocket, you're still the same ol' person you've always been, I think people often forget that point and frame everything around monetary policy.

I've been hitting the chess board again, I enjoy running through the scenerios, and during my 'library break' I play a brief game of risk, polishing up my attack, wait, fortification, strategy skills.

I often think about what it means the 'be in love' out here, as I see so many people missing their families, wives, kids -- I'm waiting for the shockers to bring back that fleeting feeling to my soul.

Like Toshi said today in an email, this kind of stuff helps your mind -- It doesn't need to get really any deeper than that, just something that frames reality in a different way -- I *think* its actually seeing the collective world for what it is, we see races of people that fight each other, to no end, for various reasons. Same reasons the dems fight the repubs, christians vs muslims, catholics vs protestants -- Before guns there were arrows, before arrows spears, before spears, clubs, so on and so forth.

It helps the mind by allowing you to focus on yourself, but not about yourself -- It helps you identify your place in the world.

I think about the fall of empires, french in indochina, brits in america, etc, etc throughout history, and the prevailing theme was a loss of financial sustainment. Sure these good willing fellas had the stay the course attitude, but to play a bad joke, when the lobster gives way to bread and water in the chow hall, and when the money stops flowing, history tells us we have a problem, despite and resolve one might have. With the money goes food and 'standard of living', time just has to lean a degree and game over, today, tomorrow, next year, 100 years, whatever.

Living 1,000 yards away from 5% or so of 5 million people who really really really don't like you, at all is a learning curve.

i can walk down my old block, and not a lot can make my old knees knock

2009-05-31T12:16:00.000-07:00

but when there's a sad storm in the desert, things that go bump in the night are creepy, just watching the dust EAT people in front of you --

highlight of my time in baghdad this far, having 'DFAC' dinner with my cousin, GREAT to see him, catch up, talk about the family, talking about the time leading up to us getting here, literally and figuratively.

fighting against being exhausted, i'm winning :)

All anyone can ever want is a co-pilot Someone to leave this town and Up and start a secret

2009-05-30T10:43:00.000-07:00

Blogging after an EXHAUSTING day, this isn't Kansas, come to think of it, its not like anything I've remotely experienced before, that's why it's a good thing.

I sit at mental gridlock, although tons on my mind. It's hard to look towards the future at the moment, instead the general rule is to live day by day.

This morning's jog with O'Dub was nice, the weather was beautiful.

Everyone chuckles about groundhog day, but you don't really know what its like until you're living it, or in my case, as close as I'll ever come to it --

A typical routine here for you limited time off,

Sun -- Some sort of quick impromptu bbq
Mon -- Flag Football
Tues -- Volleyball
Wed -- Hang out on Patio
Thur -- Ping Pong
Fri -- Movie at 'theater'
Sat -- Some sort of fellowship

I've been the introvert here, mine has went something like get up, go to work, leave work, go to sleep, but I'm working up the energy to break it up, something like this

Sun -- Music DVD of week
Mon -- Call a loved one, tell them they're loved
Tues -- Gym
Wed -- Strum Guitar
Thur -- Hang out in hopes of good conversation
Fri -- Album of the Week
Sat -- A nice introspective meditation and subsequent blogging

Everywhere I look I see opportunity, it reminds me of what my mom always says, everywhere I look I see work. How does one 'weave' themselves in to an introverted and cliquish crowd.

The bigger the crowd, the less vested interested is in the people getting together. No matter how much one wants to give, you can't give what someone doesn't want. That's something new I think about moving forward when trying to bring people together. An oil man doesn't want to talk wind, and a hippie doesn't want to talk to a conservative, etc.

At this moment in my time in the sand, I'm apathetic to branching out, all in due time, slowly but surely. I'm having a hard time bridging the fundamental differences in why people are here, until I can figure out a common thread, its hard for me to communicate.

----
In times of extreme tired, the song I always go back to is 'inside of love' by nadasurf -- such a cool tune --

last night I dreamt that I grew wings, I found a place where they could hear me when I sing

2009-05-28T12:25:00.000-07:00

Life in Baghdad-e-o isn't all that bad, long hours, hard work, don't even know where to begin with all those.

Just walk with an authoritative walk and do you job, I guess that's the way to roll --

Teamwork is big out here, which is AWESOME -- Pile A needs to get into building, everyone assembles to help, not a 'thats not my job,' etc. Heaven forbid we take our OWN TRASH out, we clean our own area, etc.

Yesterday I started a pflight to get in not just good, not just great, but the pinnacle of my physical fitness. This means 2.5 miles a night, and 3 miles in the morning.

I also read somewhere about, you guess it, food is addicting. Chemicals can make food taste like anything these days...if you want a 'seared' (sp?) flavor, just add a few drops of this, that or the other. Luckily there is a healthy menu out here, and I've been exercising EXTREME self control. My only indulgences, ice cream on Friday night, and two near beers on Saturday, while sitting at my desk at work.

Logistics of the job, getting from point a to b, and also just logistics of living, Things are very organized, everything is, I guess they have to be. The mind is a wash, how did I get here, I belong but I don't belong feelings, but I know great things are going to become of this, I'll definitely be able to mark some things off my list.

When the past becomes the now, When the lost becomes the found, When We Fall in Love with War, When the Angel.....

2009-05-23T12:08:00.000-07:00

Nothing says a hard days rockin' like falling asleep while walking -- I promise to never complain about a 40 hour week again, I won't ever complain about pulling weeds in yards, It's a good hardening effect here.

Meeting all sorts of cool people, linguists, politicians, people studying Arabic, etc, etc. Always the 'dumbest one in the room' syndrome with me.

The 'MWR' facilities are the best, the work hours are the worse -- Starting to eat less, exercise more. 2 weeks down, a ways to go --

Last weekend I was in denial of where I was, totally, this weekend is a sorta bleak acceptance. In a weird sorta way I like it out here, that doesn't mean that I don't dream about my 'happy land' time in Bavaria.

I would say this constituents 'living on the fringes,' -- I'm doing 'hard stuff' now so I'll be set for the unique opportunities coming in the future.

More to come after a nights sleep, or getting used to this schedule, if that's even possible --

WIFI to SKYPE via IPHONE to people in USA --- equals the world is flat, at least for communication, however I wish were had artery style bandwidth instead of a skinny vein.

Because my inside is outside My right side's on the left side

2009-05-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

Tonight broadcasting from 'the fish bowl,' the original and only bordello in the palace complex area. Disorientation continues, eyes hurt terribly bad today, burnout has came and went. A few more iterations and I'll be used to this.

The 'hula girls' from Hawaii were here tonight providing entertainment including song like 'Imagine' Hawaii hula girl style. Airman G says, 'this is great entertainment, just look at everyone out here having a good time.'

This made me consider how critical I am of life in general, and how advanced our society is as to be able to give criticism on such a granular level, i.e. 'he didn't sound that G chord out right', or the show was great, but the theatrics were just 'ok', etc.

---
How is this going to play out? Regardless of if we leave tomorrow, a month, a year, ten years, or 100 years from now?

-- The Iraqi 'bill of rights' says it best and I paraphrase, 'Anything that goes against the Quran is strictly prohibited.'

The 'marketing' over the loud speakers two or three times a day, and what 'academia' in the middle east teaches will keep it same as it ever was.

Christ could walk on water we can wade through the war You don't need to tell me who the fire is for

2009-05-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

4 am venture to the loo's this morning reveals the moon / star that's present on the flag of Islam, man and his symbols.

It's safe to say that 'things' move 3-4 times quicker here than back home, strip the frivolous politics from you day to day work environment and you get what you have here, you need it, you got it. No pet rocks in the building, a great caliber of people all around.

What have I been doing to stave off insanity and attempt to create rhythm? Trying very hard to create a routine. Never thought I'd be happy to say 'I'm glad its Monday, but I am, for its when America lights up, around 4pm here, the people, the markets, the list serves.

I've found a nice walkabout around a lake, inside its about 60 degrees with the computers, outside its 100 plus. I do plan on making 5pm or so 'calling time' to family back home, and 5am calling time for friends back home. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, tea run at the barista 9pm, PX run to look at the same ol' crusty stuff in the afternoon, 'Blackhawk Mall' on Saturday.

There are other options I'm looking at too, all in all, I would say enough to keep busy for the tour here.

Speaking of tours, also plenty time to start planning my world tour 2010. Starting in Iceland, so far the cities are..

Reykjavik
Oslo
Stockholm
Helsinki
St Petersburg

Istanbul

Damascus

Tel Aviv

Riyad
Moscow
Mumbai
Hong Kong
Bangkok
Ho Chi Minh
Manila
Melbourne
Sydney
Auckland
Honolulu
Panama
Bogota
Quito
Rio
Buenos Aires
Santiago

---
Dept of Defense Banter for the day: 'People often consider if their lives have made a difference, Marines don't have that problem.' --- My hat goes off to these folks, I'd say they have the hardest job in modern day warfare.

And I'll dance with you in Vienna I'll be wearing a river's disguise

2009-05-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

I recall the gently rolling hills / mountains in Austria, and when I see them again I feel 'my heart will search no more.' Same thing with a lot of other aspects of life. Nothing like a war zone, long hours and a desert sun to put life into perspective.

Over here, ever yard is like the last 10 yards, like the 4th quarter, like the player playing with a cramp, like the Nascar with an engine that's missing a beat.

Catch Penny is here in a few days, and although I don't know them, I have the utmost respect for them already. I used to think the whole 'support our troops' was a bunch of rhetoric, and never gave it meaning outside of my kin folk, especially nephew Alex, now it takes on a whole new meaning. Reading through some of the jargon on that website really got to me, in the future I will almost always frame from a human standpoint and not one of ideology.

To me, the meaning of the whole 'why are WE (i.e. we who are actually here) isn't a political answer, it has to do with the execution of a task, the powers that be in a freely elected democrazy pull the make it happen card, and you got a lot of smart, dedicated, courageous people trying to scrap it out.

It ain't easy, it ain't glamorous.

What defines success? As my buddy said, USA and Iraq have a different measuring stick, what we see is failure could be seen as progress on their front. Often people have used the words 'foreigner' (not in terms of the band), but to describe people that aren't like them. In this land we are those foreigners, and it's painfully obvious every step you take.

i'd a danced like the queen of the eyesores And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well

2009-05-15T16:54:00.000-07:00

groundhog day, really sank in to me tonight, that i won't have a free weekend for 6 months or so. putting it bluntly, it kinda sucks -- 12 hours a day 7 days a week are just words until you're actually there. the difference b/w this and a silicon valley startup is 12 hours of work doesn't mean mixed in with facebook, twitter, iphone, sushi and checking out the latest trends. it means work, sleep and a couple hundred yards of wiggle room. its tough on the mind, body and spirit, everyone here goes through it.

tired as an old diva is the state of mind, when i'm tired i mispell words all over the place -- layer one of societal paint was removed tonight, knowing that tomorrow is work, sunday is work, and the week starts all over again.

a strange and wonderful perspective is kicking in, a few weeks downs the road i'll have better definition, but where I'm at and why I'm here is a good thing that will only help me down the road. right now, not a lot of doubt, but like tenacious d would say, 'the road is f*ckin hard.'

absence will make the heart grow fonder: of the people in my life, the concerts i go to, the buffalo wings i scarf down, of the hot shower, or a quiet nights sleep.

i'm going to come back smarter, damn a lot smarter -- self enrichment at the cost of isolation in many ways, kinda like the count of monte cristo getting his learn on in prison.

the food is still damn good, but very impersonal, the best thing about mammas home cookin' is mamma.

the laundry service, STELLAR

the green beans coffee, TO BE DESIRED, the 4 shot expresso, PRETTY GOOD

the palace, DIRTY

the air, STINKY and sometimes SMOKEY

the people, still GREAT

did I mention a PESTERING HEAT?

hand out, faces that he sees time again aint that familiar

2009-05-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

its a clash of civilizations, on one side you have players who see nothing but a finite game, played to win or to lose. on the other side, half play the same finite game, the other half play an infinite game, a game where winning is to have the factions play again.

such polarizations seem to never turn out well, so you get what we have here, helicopters choppin on the right, muslim prayer over loud speaker to the left. question is how many people on either side believe that there is something worth sacrificing for an ambiguously defined objectives on either side? how do you fight apathy, i think we have a hard time fighting it at home --

-- the smell of smoke in the air
-- the gap in between the lakes of the palaces, and the drought caused by this in the south
-- the setup here, i mean, wow

what pokes its head up from the ashes is what you have here, some are curious, some are profiteers, some are adventure seekers, some are marksmen, for most, it's their job.

somewhere in between all of this is a ripple that i have a hard time framing.

The daughter of the biggest big town banker He kept her like a princess I stole her like the Fort Knox gold

2009-05-13T17:08:00.000-07:00

More bullet points until cohesive though can sink in --

I haven't seen bigotry here, people, political, religious, etc -- the caricature I saw of the war fighter or those that support it has always taken a 'conservative' stance, I see the question framed differently here. The ant nest has been kicked, now you have the ants rebuilding the mound, In a way, I boil down the critical success factor in this endeavor as 'do the people of iraq want it enough,' then I think, that's not a fair way to frame the question, which brings, 'can these people handle what we are trying to give them,' that's the question. 21st century advanced citizenship with secularism is much more different than a 12th century theocracy. I see the disparity big time here
Rollin' to the loo at night 100 yards after sleeping isn't fun at all, you can't go to sleep afterward, and I refuse to resort the 'the bottle' in the room.....at least as my mind stands now.
Here its Spain hot and sunny, but add dust and dirt on top
I'm finding much of my 'desert attire' that I brought with me isn't working very well. blisters on my feet, sunburn on the tops of my ears, taking less showers than 'i should', and fighting overdrinking / underdrinking water, all part of the equation -- i have to adjust, and change the way i percieve this life in general. for the next year i have to figure out how to 'become one' with my surroundings
the chow halls here are like pinocco island of food, first day i had veal, then prime rib, the sausage gumbo, all grade A stuff, probably the caliber of what you'd get at a 5 star hotel back home.
I know I'm going to come back to the states and see inefficiency and stuff taken for granted everywhere, from water in the showers and bathrooms, proximity and availability of stores, laundry, etc, etc -- its very efficient here, perhaps because of the abundance of money thrown at the problem
the enlisted folks as well as the contractors are some of the best people i've seen at the table for a meeting -- same tired debates, but lots of creativity and though thrown into the equation, not a lot of 'brainstorming' goes on here, just pragmatism and decision making, and quick turnarounds.
last night, two senior enlisted guys were outside the palace, playing covers of songs like pearl jam and weezer, this debunks the notion that all people here are kid rock toby keith loving war mongering rednecks
fundamentalism and sensational here are shokingly absent (except for the morter lobbers outside the camps). when bad news hits about a soldier taking the lives of 4 buddies then himself, the news back home has it on for days, taking a deep dive, here's there is empathy for the victims, and for each other, and mental support, at times its not plesant, but everyone's in it together here, and I'm finding that to be a strong bond
eating, sleeping, working, exercising with the same crew all the time, something good has to become of it, never had to do it, i'll be blogging about it as it goes on --
the crowd here is transient. just so happens the group i sat with at the dinner table last night, two captains, two contractors, will all be gone in 3 months, and new faces will be there. i'll have seniority on systems that i barely even know how to spell yet.
on a 'down day' i'll walk at least 3 miles, some days i've been walking 5+, the body doesn't really per se sweat, but i can tell its taking a toll. trying desperatly to find sunglasses that look right on a fat head, so i don't come back to the states all squinty.
lots of thoughts floating around, the uncertainty is sorta gone, but the funamentals of a routine haven't sank in yet, i'm told when it gets much hotter we can work through the night and sleep durning the day.

3.33 am, still can't adjust to the sleep patterns, I'm going to crash and burn this afternoon --

Special shout out to Praveen, the barista at Green Beans coffee hear, thanks for the twice a day quad shot Americano

and when you're lookin' for your freedom, nobody seems to care, and you can't find the door, no you can't find it anywhere

2009-05-12T13:23:00.000-07:00

day in the life --

-- 4 am wake up, pushups, lots of them, leg lifts, lots of them
-- out the door by 5, breakfast at 5.20
-- watch mavs for 30 minutes in chow hall at breakfast
-- work at six
-- tinker around with environmentals for a few hours
-- 10 oclock meeting
-- 10.45 tea with the british multinationals
--11.15 spam america with email
--11.45 chow hall run
-- 12.15 hooked to the plow
--3 pm - 20 minute nap
-- work till 7.30pm
-- chow with team
-- go home 20 minute nap
-- volleyball at 9pm
-- 10 back at home
-- clean up get all the logistical stuff ready for next day
-- shower
-- do mini version of browsing what i used to (back down to the basics)
-- my kingdom for bandwidth
-- 20 minute call to mom in the state @ 3 bucks a minute
-- hit the sack
-- do it all over again, except that time between 8-10, that will change up a little everyday

Down in the valley a choice has been made a new reputation, it sleeps in your bed like you said: it never was better than how it was

2009-05-11T17:47:00.000-07:00

4 hours sleep first night, tonight almost 5, things are getting to 'normal'

-- work is good
-- chow is amazing
-- intangibles surreal

The camaraderie is something I've never quite experienced, I know I'm going to come out of this with some lifelong friends.

-- The dust is brutal, everything is dirty
-- You see the best and the worst of the human spirit here
-- You see many people grinding it out

You have to bring integrity and responsibilty to an endeavor like this, because it's not going to find you here.

Every day I wake up and it's Sunday Whatever's in my head won't go away

2009-05-10T17:46:00.000-07:00

In the last 24 hours, Tampa to DC to Kuwait to Baghdad.

Gryphon Air I was nervous about, but turned into being a really 'nice' flight to Baghdad
Met 3 people enroute, one medic heading south, one security guard heading south Baghdad, and one teacher who is working to integrate people and teach them modern stuff
My room is small, spartan but enough to suffice and keep it all good for a while, my roommate is an older gentlemen from Korea that's very friendly
The surroundings are beautiful / surreal
It's dusty and dirty
Saw a Becks beer bottle, after closer look, non-alcoholic of course
I've already been signed up for a dodge ball tourney next Sunday
There seems to be plenty for moral
3 of my coworkers picked me up at the 'airport'
Throughout the night I'm hearing sounds that I've never heard before, planes, etc, etc
flying over the 'outskirts' of Kuwait City reminds me of Tatooine, the other parts of the city look very modern and exciting. Flying over Baghdad things look very impoverished.
The smell isn't all that great

All in all, ready for the 'new adventure,' feeling strangely fine.

Birds beneath my window dustying their wings upon the lawn I hear them in the morning light giving last amen to a migratory song

2009-05-09T15:04:00.000-07:00

Last post from the US of A for a while, heading to partake in a risk / reward scenario overseas. What to bring, a good attitude at the least.

With a belly somewhat unsettled and an open mind, I can see a decoupling of societal constructs, it'll only do me well.

The mind always imagines things worse than it actually is, here's the worst of my imagination shining through

Having a sloppy / snoring roommate
Eating bugs for dinner
getting shot at or riding helicopters
not 'fitting in'
getting hooked to the plow and working your butt off relentlessly
living 'groundhog day' over and over
750 yards of roaming space

What DO you do when you have to live groundhog day..., the non Hollywood and glamorous version. Well, you can electrocute yourself, jump in front of a train, or retreat to the room in silence.

OR, you can take the experience life has given you and choose to enjoy that experience. You can build / morph true feelings, true experience, bonding and reverence. You can make it a time to leave the distractions behind and see what really lies in the core.

I'll be blogging more, I'll have more time to think, I want to catch a rhythm, I want to make it good.

Out on the Desert and I'm Feelin' Lost, The Bonnet Wears a Wire Albatross, Monster Ballads and the Stations of the Cross

2009-05-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

Today begins a new journey, or as Monty Pyton would say, 'and now for something completely different.' I've always talked about perspective, but find myself staying in my mental 'safe' zone.

The more you look, the more you realize the facts are so far removed from our 'civilized' and advanced societies that everything is abstact, everything is personality and emotion based, and things seldom appear to be as they seem.

I think of 'the core' of your soul as the ball, and society has washed layers apon layers of 'crap' on you, new adventures, perspective, SELF-enrichment and a sky full of stars in a open desert will wash away these layers, leaving the core visible, malleable, discoverable, approachable.

The journey of self discovery starts with a step, for years to come, drunken steps, back and forth, 5 - 10 years from now I'll have the walk of life down to a T, with a balance of perspective.

State of mind is an open book and a blank page.

All Talk No Action, What's the Big Attraction

2009-04-01T18:10:00.000-07:00

Two quotes --

'Thought, expression and sensibility are given through communication'

and

'The clearest way of seeing through a culture is to attend to their tools of conversation'

It's never been about the mechanics of the tools, rather a state of mine. There's always been a quote that surrounds on of my favorite cities, 'people are open minded and accepting of everyone, except people who AREN'T open minded and accepting of everyone. When you're a hammer, you look for nails, you find them. Social networking arises, two examples --

--------------------------
1 -- The Walled Garden
--------------------------

A utility where you invite you sisters, punk rock friends, hipsters, preachers, republicans / democrats, Buddhists / Christians, etc to the table for an extended conversation. / -- a vast variety and diversity of individuals.

Perception suggests someone that has 1,000 people in their walled garden is well respected. I argue a more affluent person can have 10 friends, all of differing ideologies, and bring them to the table for relevant conversation.

1 person with 1,000 'cool friends' that are all nails is a commodity, ten friends with a different perspective is balance.

There is a psychology to what you project here --

--------------------------
2 -- The Open Prairie
--------------------------

A lawless land of despots, warriors, wizards, peasants, and jokers yet very few 'common people'. Unfiltered, unadulterated, communication, simple, opt in style -- A brave new world in the area of communication which yields great power but has potential for great blow back.

Huxley was different from Orwell in that he suggested there wasn't a need to ban books, knowledge would become passee in the land of distraction.

--
Always garbage in garbage out, a tool is only as good as what is aggregated. You can play the games and figure out what you think you want people to see and hear, or you can be yourself, and you don't have to remember anything.

Usefulness, legibility, and sensitivity is what I'm looking for --

The harbors that they built for the ships to set me free And sometimes when it's all too much I know they'll come for me

2009-03-30T20:02:00.001-07:00

Once someone told Thoreau, there's a new invention, the telegraph, and it allows someone in Maine to talk to someone in Texas almost in real time. Thoreau's response, 'what would they have to say to each other.'

Fast forward a short time and you have a society faced with a new psychology. A quote that recently rang true, "Society works precisely because conversation is ephemeral."

Today is a life of curiosity, we learn simply because it's there, we use and abuse accordingly. The life and times today allow you opportunity, and with this opportunity comes tearing down emotional walls only to build others higher, what emerges are emotionally stern individuals on one side, and drones on the other.

We have institutions that work to tear down walls, and we have institutions that practice mind control, the yin and the yang all work together.

What is the blow back of a hyper connected age? Does it take the thrill out of the situation, and constantly feed an empty yearn to be someone or somewhere else?

I have ideas. Through the summer I'm going to take a deep dive into the Greek culture, an integrated society that yielded a phenomenal amount of intellect, brawn, and standard of living.

Time will tell if a blackberry in hand 16 hours a day will make a man healthy, wealthy and wise. In the meantime I'm going back to meditation.

--------------
“Meditation brings wisdom; lack of meditation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back.”
- The Buddha

I lit the match, I lit the match, I saw another monster turn to ash, felt the burdon lifted from my back

2009-03-09T19:23:00.000-07:00

Two things that have gotten me in a major down and out mood --

Slaves to the almighty dollar -- The more and more I read about the stock market, the nastier and nastier it gets. Index funds, fine, but ETF's, hedge funds, leverage a buck at times 33 to 1. Hence, a fund looses 3.1 cents on a dollar, they're sunk. I can understand 5 to 1, maybe even 10 to 1, but any more than that, you're building something that truly don't exists. You extract more value than there is true value, its blatent exploitation of our money. When times are good, so be it, when times are bad, we are in what you get. I can't understand any ideology that condones this behavior. How about a consistent 5% growth, that way society can scale with the wealth created? These institutions that create wealth have becoming self serving, and people not on top of this will become victims. Just ask the folks in iceland
Information overload -- I feel as if I've become a slave to the system. Neil Postman argues with great success that in the 'age of information' we are lost more than ever. Feudalism, theocracy, etc, etc at least gave someone a consistent look at a deck of cards. It's hard for people to find consistency when any and all special interest load the dice. We live in an age where information is prevelant, wisdom is lacking. 95% of the people out there have learned the mechanics of spatting out content, but don't have much to say.

trust

2009-03-05T21:07:00.001-08:00

i've been hung up on this important word for some time now -- just picked up a book that will hope to shed some light on .......

why do you trust?
why do you trust them?
who trusts you?
why do they trust you?
how do you gain trust?
how do you become trusted?
how do you lose trust?
why do you lose it?
can you regain lost trust?
how important is trust in your business relationships?
how important is trust in your personal relationships?

i look for hereos in my search for identity but none of them seem to be quite what they want me to think

2009-03-04T19:51:00.000-08:00

Tonight a good buddy of mine gave sage comments, 'You seem to live life for life's sake, to seek knowlege for the joy of self improvement' -- and yet another comparison to Charlie Brown, the THIRD so far in my life --

Could that mean that I always try to kick the football, could it mean that I'm a nice chap that has a lot of friends, I guess that's all up to me.

I always try to find a silver lining, and tend to sway to the positive, even though I've also been told I spew venom.

There are a lot of people that I admire in life, the ones I admire most are the ones that have a plan. It's the best way to leave the white noise of the world behind.

I'm not Easily Scared, By Things that Go Bump in the Night

2009-03-01T18:37:00.000-08:00

Signs you're getting old, and why there isn't anything wrong with it --

When you have 16 nieces and nephews, 2 great nephews, one great niece. It's great hanging out with the family, listening to the stories by these youngin's, even though I'm a socially awkward and lack of attention span mess around them. I find the psychology of parenthood fascinating.
All your facebook friends are having babies, and you're proud of them. Seems like every other day baby photos are posted, and you think, wow, I'm glad they passed on their genetic code, they are good people.

All in due time, meanwhile, I do my part the keep the population in control --

I brought him to the dream. He had the coolest sandals that I have ever seen

2009-03-01T16:22:00.000-08:00

As the battle rages on about who and what needs to be done to fix the economy, the root cause has yet again been neglected from the conversation. We've lived in a world with too much credit, its been brewing for a long time.

My opinion, the two things I look at the see when the economy will 'rebound,' or at least rightsize.

1 -- The Price of Oil -- There's no coincidence the price of oil falls with the economy. Which came first? While most people complain about the greedy oil people, their 401k's are stuffed with oil stock, go take a gander, I'm sure most are still, by default. Currently there is a stockpile of oil in ports all over the world, you can't just 'turn the spigot 'off', hence a hedge on the price. When this lowers, oil will settle between 75 - 90 bucks a barrel, rightsizing this toxin, which will aid in bringing things 'back to normal.'

2 -- Home Depot Stock -- Watching the ups and downs, these folks are reading the charts that will answer the ultimate question, 'when will people begin investing in their homes again?'

I Bring the House Down I Hardly Know, Which Way is Up or Which Way Down

2009-03-01T11:11:00.000-08:00

These days this is the only taking head I listen to. History repeats itself, and people get caught up in sensationalism. I've always found it easy to hide behind 'the sky is falling' stories. Many don't have the attention span to see past tactical day to day manuvers.

'One upping' everyone else is so rampent, I seldom engage in conversation at cocktail parties, working lunches or what have you. Fabricated extra parts can potentially be capitalized, but volitility of the message and human nature tends these artifical growth mechanisms crumble. The truth is in the fine print, which no one reads.

A few nights ago, while painting a broad general picture of what I do and why I do it got me a rebuttal of, 'I think you're full of sh*t.' What I've learned in life is to keep things simple and abstract until people earn more than that. Intimacy is a sacred thing people just throw around at a whim these days.

Mechanics of a job are one thing, intuition, judgement and vision are another thing. Some jobs require a high degree of intelligence to master the mechanics, while the latter is a different set of mastery that all starts with knowing yourself.

The more BS I hear on a typical night out on the town, I've found these differing forms of intelligence are like oil and water. People who have mastered the mechanics of 'widget A' also assume they are experts in soft and intuitive skills, and they often condescend on people like myself, who speaks in abstracts attempting to get a feel of what's really going on.

Conceptual thinkers on the other hand, feel the mechanical thinker is engaged in a boring finite game, one whos outcome is necessary, yet predictable.

A fundamental complaint about society and its ability to 'troubleshoot', is the lack of its ability to question the status quo, or question things in themselves. I've found that many people, once they get a decent job, a little money in the bank, are able to go to Cancun, etc, now have achieved a sucessful life, now its sustainment time, a time to dig in and fortify boundaries and dig a huge moat around my intellectual capital.

Individual responsibility is lost to the way of arrogance and it spirals up. My car is better than yours, my house is better than yours, my political and financial ideology is better, my god is better than your god, and soon you are wedged between yes and no, right or wrong, and the holes individuals have dug, and the knots they have tied make it necessary to chose one of these poles, and shy away from the grey area like cryptonite.

The media and entertainment outlets solidify this by making stories out of boring news, by taking the doom and gloom approach, and do it in a candy coated way so people don't feel bad.

Choke the medicine down.

seems so at ease A strange inner peace Is all that he's feeling somehow

2009-02-26T19:48:00.000-08:00

The city of Brotherly love, perfect backdrop for an M Ward concert. Love the time there.

The city center, filled with thrasher guys filming their moves -- Nice to sit here and soak up the scenery.

Aparments near the city center, lots of really old / neat looking habitations. Didn't see any suburban living on the trip.

A nice painting on the wall in the museum --

An 'asian' habitat, Toshi, can you confirm?

The evilution of the killing machines, guns, which use gunpowder to project a piece of metal at a tremendous velocity, which easily pierces skin.

The legend of Zelda fairy, which gives you back life. When my back started hurting, I sat by her, and I magically felt better :)

Wow, one of the older versions of 'bling,' what a room!

Back in the day, this was your baseball hat. I would have picked the one in the middle to the far right, and try to pass myself as an explorer.

Spears, Spears Spears, my favorite room in the museum.

The city skyline from a major museum, a nice walk.

Rocky with the museum.

The thinker, below the statue.

The original thinker -- Mike P had recorded a satirical video of what he was thinking that got major chuckles from the locals watching on., unfortunately the vid didn't turn out well.

I think this is 'south town' or the bohemian area, they had burn barrels --

Geno's, threw my diet out of the window for the week to experience, cheesesteak,

after cheesesteak

After M Ward at the Trocadero, a bordello back in the day, one of the most unique venues I've ever seen.

View, great one, lots of elbows thrown to get here :)

The view from the outside --

Jamacian Blue coffee brewing, or whatever this scientific contraption was doing. Supposedly the best and rarest in the world, from the Blue Mountains, 8 bucks a cup, but worth it. Got it off the list.

Chinatown -- lots of fresh produce on the stinky roads

after cheesesteak, Jim's, I would say was my favorite --- in all objectivity, I think Texadelphia is better :)

Mohon at the love sign --

Independence Hall, I wonder what kind of whig I would have wore back in the day --

And I Should Be Scared, But I Feel No Fear

2009-02-22T07:11:00.000-08:00

Lots of great talk with Mike P this weekend, two heaviest things I can recall, two toxic elements in modern day society, politics and religion. If you don't frame the question or challange around these two necessary but dying ideologies, a whole new world becomes visible.

Keep your beliefs, spirituality and ideologies, abandon the proxies.

In another life I was a holy roller in another lifetime I flew I have always kept a distance this is what I do

2009-02-10T19:36:00.000-08:00

Watching a thunderstorm from my porch thinking, life is good. All I can think about is Steve Martin in 'Leap of Faith.' When asked by many in his 'congregation,' 'When's it gonna rain?' His rebuttal is 'When's it gonna stop?'

A very cynical man stumbles onto a few miracles, a very nice thought.

Second day of Nutrisystem, my belly is going, 'why me' but I do feel much better than normal, and of course 'nothing tastes as good as skinny feels'
A quick trip to New Orleans this weekend, seeing Andrew Bird at the HOB New Orleans was therapeutic

That's it, nothing much, just happy that it kinda rained.

I saw another monster turn to ash Felt the burden lifted from my back Do you recognize the nervous twitch That exposes the weakness of the myth

2009-02-04T09:06:00.000-08:00

It's good to skim massive amounts of information, I would argue that its better to follow the few that are trendsetters in the field.

Similarly in stocks, diversification is for the weak at heart, and those who lack confidence in their ability to interpret the writing on the wall.

Find a winner, stick with the winner, have a plan, simple.

Trains roll... like gamblers in slow mo Tryin' to find good luck When they couldn't find love

2009-01-28T20:23:00.000-08:00

I've always spoke of integration and its importance, my thought tonight drifts towards what it all means in context of social networking.

finding voice, in terms of self enrichment, and self integration with friends, family, co-workers, potential clients, employees, bosses, political rivals, people of differing opinion, you can figure out what you think you want people to hear, or you can just speak what's on your mind. it's freedom --- it integrates your past, present and future, if you would like it to do so, and it helps fill the 'white space' in your life.

what you aggregate, I know there is great defense of social networking, that which calls for using the tool for more than for vanity and congregation. if you posts pictures of the beer party, or the big chicken friend steak, that's one thing, but seasoned 'social networkers' can still keep there integrity, yet provide concrete or abstract meaning to followers. one day i believe I'll be able to be one of these people, integrating life with work in a way that attracts both people who are interested what you say, how it can benefit them, and also take a genuine interest in you as a person.

walls the quote from the sorrows of young werther 'we amuse ourselves painting our prison-walls with bright figures and brilliant landscapes.' this certainly is the case. currently people find false 'digital shelter' in the utility of choice, some cowarding behind login and password. my thoughts are hell, if you're going to do it, you might as well do it right, one voice, many facets, no walls.

People 'get it' (social networking) at varying levels. The world revolves around the individual, while we're a part of a collective. advance social networking says to me, the collective is fickle, the individual is true. harness the right apples from the right trees, then you have something.

So, sure, I could just close my eyes. Yeah, sure, trace and memorize

2009-01-27T21:04:00.000-08:00

25 Random Things about me

With a preface by Richard Russo: "In all my books the unhappy people are the ones w/o the wisdom to love the life they've been given."

behind the melodramatic exterior, there's an Everest of sentimentality
Wants to see all the world wonders in civilization, twice
thought I'd marry the first chick I fell in love with
brings integrity to the ballgame
reads a book or two a week
big fan of objectivity theory
I clump all religion into the 'mystic' category -- Rush (the band) says it best, A planet of playthings we dance on a string, of powers we cannot perceive. I don't believe in cards, I don't believe in signs
Would love to have some beers with Neil Hannon, a man who's words changed my life.
Feels immortal in spirit, like an 80 year old in body
thinks achievement is based what you produce
love conquers all, even time
cherishes aesthetic over convenience
lives simple while carrying the weight
life in the fringes is the only way to roll, you can find the fringes no matter where your stand and what your view is
thinks politics is what kills any society, issues should seldom be framed in political context
likes to walk, probably would like walking on the beach too
earth wind fire water, i like fire the most
for the friends who i've done the psych test with, for what its worth its kinda correct, 'i walk alone, i see bears, snakes, vultures as i walk, my reaction is to mark them and deal with appropriately, a big house with no fence, and ocean in the back of the house, i get across via the minnow (Gilligan's island boat) --its been refined over the years
have come to love my balanced life portfolio and open-ness and objectivity to most viewpoints.
is very happy to have a lot of unique people around me and in my life
really care about my family, and the love they give to each other, etc really wears down my selfishness (in a good way)
need to go the the australian open so i can get that off the list of grand slams in tennis (this travel tidbit really bugs me) nyc, paris, london -- check
communication is key is the subliminal message i send myself every 6 minutes
hates people, loves people, hates people, loves people -- the older i get, the less i want to be around a big crowd
mom and the gang provided me with a firm foundation, and i like to think i've done a lot with a little, and i'm positive the best is yet to come

White light, strange city, mad music all around

2009-01-25T15:52:00.000-08:00

6 finance / personal investing / stock books since the time 'I have money,' I've found most blogs on how to become rich are terrible.

My approach, Peter Lynch meets Warren Buffet with a heavy hand of geopolitics. Find value stocks in things that you know, wherever they may be. I will stay away from mutual funds, and the financial service sector at large (except for my 6.99 per trade e-trade account.)

First draft of Framework --

Energy -- Till we're green, we need oil, Obama says no more from Middle East, Russia, or Venezuela in ten years, that leaves Canada and Brazil, Petro Brazil is choice, for at least 5 years.

Until a true leader emerges in the green energy crusade, Its hard to find a good performer.

Tech -- Next time (and hopefully last) time we test the bottom of the market, I'm going to buy Google, I use religiously, they're ahead with the cloud, etc. (buy and forget)

Retail -- Roll with Amazon, they svcs run twitter, and will corner the small B2B market in cloud services, not to mention a steady payroll for being the 'wal mart' of the web, but cooler and more informative. (buy and forget)

Defense -- Paying close attention to how, who and what is going to guard our ports.

Infrastructure -- Primarily in China, and those who partner with Chinese companies.

More to come....still thinking

Ten years from now, I have to have some 3 to 4 baggers (where 1 dollar turns to 4), etc, etc -- While at the top, I'll slowly funnel some money to commodities (probably in Australia). When I'm 50, I may roll more with bonds, but I'm still not sure on how the flow will work, but it'll be either one of the two below strategies, depending on life circumstances.

1 -- Invest in common stock till the bitter end, and have the 'the shit hits the fan plan' when and if it happens.

2 -- Stocks for the big wins, commodities for a decent gain, skimmed from the top of stock wins, bonds, from both, as I get older.

Call me crazy, but I don't see the need for mutual funds after my -37 percent return for 2008. I think I can do better than that with my eyes closed 15 minutes a week. As a personal investor, you have much more leverage than institutional money.

The journey begins soon, I plan on being couragous, moderately risky, and never putting the money on just red (guessing, hitting and hoping) --

When the cash its the market, it'll be the most thought out stuff I've ever done, and it'll have a plan I stick with, i.e., thresholds, etc, etc.

Dizzy, Lizzy, Major Tom

2009-01-25T15:30:00.000-08:00

Here's what I've learned from Twitter thus far --

The 'permission marketing' aspect is great. It's like I have these cool smart people 'forwarding' me email, it's me going to, not receiving from.
From a 'real life' friend perspective, it's very impersonal
Someone who is 'following' more than a couple hundred people really isn't following anyone
Someone who is 'being followed' by more than a couple thousand people, the idea / message isn't really that unique, which is a pro and con.

My twitter strategy still remains the same, tweet about keywords / interests personal to me, and grab like minded people who find you via search words, and the slow diffuse your thoughts / mind through the lenses of like minded people and their interest.

Do open windows keep the rain away? Do open eyes keep the ghosts at bay?

2009-01-21T18:46:00.000-08:00

Like a Martin guitar, the experience will only get better with age. The logistics of getting to DC were a nightmare. Left Fredericksburg VA (approx 30 miles from DC), at 3.30 am, rolled up to 'the area' where everyone was at 9.10. About 3.5 hours in the car to the metro, 30 minutes in line at metro, 1 hour on metro (and the smell of a girls puke) later we made it to DC.

It was about 20 degrees, BRUTAL cold, and of course, ill prepared for the realities of that man people around.

Here's where we landed.

Here was looking the other way.

You're not going to find a hot dog dealer in this mess, nothing could survive the mass, surprisingly few capitalists cashing in on pimped out Obama swag.

Maybe because these guys were perched on every building, the Powershot G9 could find em' all.

This was as close as us 'common folk' could get to the event while it was going on. Mr Army Man made sure there was no civil unrest.

A GQ shot in from of the Washington Monument, I even dipped a toe in to the frozen water, en route to the Arlington Cemetery metro, for a more reasonable exit.

Finally Bob and Rob, the Texas boys who were there, to prove that we were there, that we heard of him first, now, relatively speaking :)